Comment from Faith Williams

Excellent

An excellent read, Rhonda. Great way to end it as well, keeping the reader wanting more. I particularly liked these thought-provoking questions:

How had her people lost so much of what made them compatible with nature? More importantly, could they ever mend the relationship?


Suggestion to consider:
Agatha's exagerated features-- I believe it's spelled exaggerated

I look forward to reading the next chapter!

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2025

Hi Faith,
Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad the ending worked out well. Also, the comments on man and nature!

Thanks for finding the spelling error. Much appreciated!!

Hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

You did a great job with the chapter, Rhonda. You go from Diantha being pleased with her progress and courage in trying tree jumping and also carrying her bow and arrows at the same time. She remembered what Brandon had told her it was like dancing, being light on your feet. Before all of that she had been kissed by Atrius so she was on cloud nine.

But good things aren't meant to last because a battle is being prepared for, so Diantha needed to find her way back. But now she was lost so she did her best to calculate where she should be. Unfortunately, that didn't work, either. I felt sorry for the wife who was only trying to help,
but Drake is another thing. He is horrid. Diantha finally remembered Tennessee and Champion. I think I was saying "Thank Goodness" to myself! Hopefully Champion does make the difference, but I don't think the path for Diantha is going to be an easy one. Very well done, my friend.

one small thing:
The Barton home is close to Concorde Villiage.
[Village]

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Hi Pam,
Thank you so very much for the review and comments! I forgot to correct the village mistake, thank you for pointing it out.

Diantha really was on cloud nine, even if for a bit. She made the rookie mistake of not paying attention to where she was, though.

Drake is a demon, literally. And, you're right, things will get rough for Diantha for a while, or at least off and on.

Not sure if Champion will make the difference yet, but she'll play a roll, for sure.

Hugs,
Rhonda

reply by Pam (respa) on 24-Mar-2025

You are very welcome, Rhonda, and thanks for sharing in your reply.

Comment from Ulla

Exceptional

Uhh, Rhonda, she's in trouble and deeply so. I'm so worried. This is wonderfully written. The scenery and imagery is wonderful. I wish I could jump trees as she can. Now, will the Bartons find her in time? A big hug. Ulla xxx

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Hi Ulla,
Thank you so much for the six stars!! Yes, Diantha is in deep trouble right now, for sure. She's a pretty tough cookie, though. Not sure the Barton's will find her, but someone's sure to come along, lol.
Hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from Debi Pick Marquette

Exceptional

I am glad that Dianthe is tired of Brandon always stepping in for Atrius.
After all they have been through so much together.

The shoes that she is wearing to tree walk sound like some I got on Amazon called barefoot shoes. They look just like a foot on the bottom of the shoe.
For the life of me I don't understand the tree walking, but if you say it, I believe it. LOL,. Just teasing you. I would love to see where they do it for real.

I love her announcement to a squirrel that she was going to soar and her probably understood.
She does seem to have so much more belief in herself risking joining a society so different than her own. I like how you say that.
Oh no, now she is lost and I have a feeling she is in enemy territory.

Oh boy, this is one time a hag was trying to help her. Drake seems like a horrible man, but so far he has just pulled her into the house. Just as I thought, he is one of the enemies that will fight.

Oh scream Champion's name again and again till he hears you. I know how this poor girl feels and hopefully Atrius will get there in time.

Wow, what a chapter. They are the enemy in more ways than one.

Thanks Rhonda, as you have one wicked imagination and I love it..
This was great. So sorry it took me so long.
Love, Debi

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Hi Sweet Lady,
Thank you so much for the six star rating. You weren't late on it. I posted late this week. eeek!!



Thanks for all the details on each part. That is so very helpful!!

Those sandals you have sound cool. I'm sure the Concordians would approve!!

The poor hag isn't finished yet, and we'll learn a little more about her shortly.

I assure you, Drake is an enemy, and of the worst sort.

Poor girl was only able to scream for help once, hopefully that will be enough...

Again, thank you for such a lovely review and comments!!! You spend a lot of time on them and that is so important. I need to take note and return the favor!!

Much love,
Rhonda

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Exceptional

Oh no!! I can only hope Champion heard her! Some one will find her shoes and bow, they must know Diantha is lost when they see that. If it's that late, they might already be looking for her. Now I can't wait for the next chapter! This was wonderful, and I'm glad I waited to give you the six. Well done, my dear friend. :) Sandra xxx

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Hi Sandra,
That was so sweet to wait until today to review, and I'm so glad you liked it. You're the first to think back to the shoes and bow at the trees. That's a good key to her rescue, and maybe more than her crying out for the horse. Still, that plays a part, too.

Thank you so very much, dear friend,
Hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Exceptional

Wow, Rhonda, what a thrilling finale! I'm praying that Champion will respond! The build-up to this is beautifully achieved because the reader falls into the same dream-like state as Diantha as her philosophical stream of consciousness guides her along this magical journey. I love the way that even children can relate to this story which inspires courage and self-belief in order to achieve objectives. As ever, your chapter is rich in imagery and provides background detail as a helpful reminder to flesh out character and themes. Flawlessly written with excellent pace and a strong ending with Diantha, set to build still more on her emerging survival skills in this challenging and exciting fantasy world. Well done, Rhonda! Love Debbie xos

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Oh my gosh, Debbie, what a lovely six star review!! Flawless from you is a great honor!!!

Another thing you picked up on that others might forget is that this is a young adult book. It is all about teaching kids to take charge of their own stories and not letting others define who they are.

The philosophical flow of consciousness was entirely purposeful. Thank you so much for "getting" it.

I'm glad the imagery is working, as I tend to want to carry the whole story with dialogue. I have to force myself to go back and flesh it out.

Poor Diantha is about to learn a few more skills as she seeks to get out of a sticky situation.

Take care,
Love and hugs,
Rhonda

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 23-Mar-2025

I found myself thinking about all the things I'm scared about (of which there are many:)) and having the same self-talk. I know this will be a very effective learning exercise for kids. And, of course, dear Kylie. Well done!

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Thank you so much. I really am honored!!

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

Rhonda, This is a very well written and exciting chapter. I am looking forward to the next one. I hope she gets away from that evil man. You used great descriptive words and great dialogue! love and blessings, Teri

I hope all is well with you and your husband!

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

HI Teri,
Thank you so much for dropping in and reviewing the chapter. Yes, she definitely needs to distance herself from the evil guy. Unfortunately, he's just the tip of the iceberg!!

Wayne is still having good and bad days, but slowly making progress. I guess he gets a little frustrated at how long it's taking him, but strokes are nasty critters.


Thanks and Hugs,
Rhonda

reply by Teri7 on 23-Mar-2025

Rhonda, you are both in my prayers. It has to be hard. I have heard of so many people having strokes. And you are so right. They are nasty critters! love and blessings, Teri

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Thank you so much, Teri. I appreciate the prayers and thoughts. It means so much!! Hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Diantha has proved to herself that she can tree-walk, but forgot to follow a necessary rule. She needs to watch where she is going. Unfortunately, she has gotten herself into trouble with Drake and he is certainly a threat. Will yelling "Champion" save her? Good cliffhanger to end with. This is an important part of your story since you have had her prove to herself that she can do something that seems impossible.

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

HI Carol,
Thank you for the review, my friend!!
Yes, she gets a chance to call for help, but not sure if the horse will hear her so far away, or make it to her in time.

Good point about her having just achieved something really hard and how that will affect her performance at this point.

Hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Diantha seems to wandered into a hostile environment and was held captive by an unkind man who seems to be pretty evil, Diantha's daring propensities have led her into danger, only one thing to do, call out Champion's name, well done Rhonda, blessings Roy
Typo : Drake raised a (knarled) hand. Gnarled?

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

HI Roy,
Thank you so much for the review, dear friend! Diantha has wandered into a hornet's nest for sure. She calls out for help, but will it get to her in time??

Thanks for finding the typo, actually, a straight up mistake, lol.

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by royowen on 23-Mar-2025

I hope so Rhonda

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

Hello Rhonda,
Well that was certainly a creep ending. LOL It's best not to leave the safety of the Valley, but hopefully, Champion (or Atrius) can hear from a long distance away.
I guess she's now an excellent tree walker/dancer; she simply needs a compass so she can get back. She'll also need her bow and quiver. It's a dangerous place, Drake sounds like he has big plans, like a Spector.
Excellent development of the tension. Diantha sure knows how to find trouble.
Best wishes.
Robert
Hope everything is going well at home. Is Kylie in school yet?
Summer vacation is not far away.

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2025

Hi Robert,
Thank you so much for the review and the six stars, my friend!!
It was a creepy ending, and it's about to get creepier. Yes, you are the only one to nail that he's a specter, lol. That part will come up in the next chapter!!
You are so right about her leaving the safety of the valley and ending up in wilder regions.

Wayne is doing better on the whole, but still suffers from some pretty debilitating headaches. He has an appointment this week for shots that should help.

Kylie has been in school since the beginning of the school year. She's pretty settled in by now. I think we're all ready for summer vacation!!

Take care,
Rhonda