Comment from Janilou

Excellent

Bad taste indeed! I shudder at the thought, actually, at both of them. LOL
Can't find anything to correct within this 100 words but have to say something to keep the FanStory review police at bay. That should do it!

Jan

 Comment Written 23-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008

Jan, thanks for the gracious review. Bill

Comment from babylonia

Excellent

this is hilarious. easy to read and follow. no spaggies do i see. imagery is excellent. made me smile. made me laugh. keep up the good work~
good luck~
love,
barbara

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Barbara, thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement. Bill

reply by babylonia on 17-Nov-2008

bill,
you are very welcome~
love,
barbara

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

Ouch! I don't think I'd be going to sleep for awhile, not with her anyway very funny and not far off the truth, good luck.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Thanks so much for the kind review and encouragement.

Comment from Charles Keith

Excellent

Heh definitely a bad taste factor of seven in the CK bad taste scale.

I thought the end was just a little to nice though.

it would have been better if she rammed into a diffrent orifice LOL

Good luck with this

Keith

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Keith, thanks so much for the kind review and much needed laugh on a Monday morning. I cracked up when I read your last comment. Thanks for the encouragement. Bill

Comment from MissCellanea

Excellent

The saddest part of this story is that these statements, or ones oddly similar, are uttered across the land. So much for fidelity! Great entry for the contest. Sue

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Sue, thanks so much for the kind review. Bill

Comment from Fleedleflump

Excellent

You've managed to include plot, character, and some believable dialogue here, as well as (impressively) resisting the need to go for all out comedy. A lot tamer than some of the other entires I've read, but that's not a problem; it's still pretty taboo :-)

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Thanks so much for the kind review and comments.

Comment from Buctar

Excellent

Banana:
Not exactly the kind of problem I have runt into, but.... A couple of nits to consider:

Please forgive me, I don't want to lose you." (Two main clauses not separated with a conjunction should have a semicolon instead of a comma.)

"Lose me??? (There is no rule of punctuation that allows more than a single question mark.)

I hope this helps.

Bill

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Bill, thanks for the kind review and helpful suggestions. I have revised the story, accordingly. Bill

Comment from CMowery

Excellent

EWWWWWWWWWWWW. Crabs. Man, if you're gonna be horny, be horny with yourself. Especially if you're married. Good job on that bad taste part, and the writing. I've had those thoughts.

~Christin

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008

Christin, thanks for the kind review and comments. Bill

Comment from zeezeewriter

Excellent

What a great scene. I hope I never have to live it. You did a great job with the dialogue. Good luck in the contest. This was well worth the read. ZeeZee

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008

ZeeZee, thanks so much for the wonderful review and encouragement. Bill

Comment from Terror2s

Excellent

Good job. I particularly liked the ending. Unfortunately, since my neighborhood is something of a Peyton Place (thank God not in my house though) I could envisiona dialogue like this perfectly. Terror

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2008

Thanks so much for the kind words and review.