Jack's Little Orange Crayon
A story of a boy and his imagination22 total reviews
Comment from marcii
I really enjoyed this piece of writing.
I thought it was clever of you to make a story from a poem.
A talking crayon, thats interesting.
I found nothing to critic
Marcii
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2010
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I really enjoyed this piece of writing.
I thought it was clever of you to make a story from a poem.
A talking crayon, thats interesting.
I found nothing to critic
Marcii
Comment Written 02-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2010
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Marcii, Thank you so much for this review. What made you review this? I wrote this so long ago... I'm glad you enjoyed it. It makes me think, maybe I need to look at my older posts and see if I can update them. I appreciate your read and review.
Comment from fictionwriter
this was so cute. Poor little Jack was having a grand old time, but I'm surprised he thought about it and realized he'd done wrong. One little nit, it's okay, or OK, but not ok. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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this was so cute. Poor little Jack was having a grand old time, but I'm surprised he thought about it and realized he'd done wrong. One little nit, it's okay, or OK, but not ok. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for catching the nit, and for your review.
Comment from Charlene0513
This poem was quite enjoyable and it also had a good moral at the end. When Jack told his mother his wrong doing, it pleased his mother that he was straight with her and didn`t lie.
It flowed very nicely and was quite rhymntic.
Charlene
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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This poem was quite enjoyable and it also had a good moral at the end. When Jack told his mother his wrong doing, it pleased his mother that he was straight with her and didn`t lie.
It flowed very nicely and was quite rhymntic.
Charlene
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Thank you for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from CCasetta
What a terrifically entertaiing read. The message in rhyme is so very unique, and the ending is sweet. Wonderful job. Good luck in the contest. --Curt
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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What a terrifically entertaiing read. The message in rhyme is so very unique, and the ending is sweet. Wonderful job. Good luck in the contest. --Curt
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and positive feedback.
Comment from babylonia
i like it. i have a daughter who has managed to color on walls in three different houses. thank god she outgrew that need. LOL sometimes they are pretty pics. don't want to discourage talent. a great story. imagery is excellent. good luck~
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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i like it. i have a daughter who has managed to color on walls in three different houses. thank god she outgrew that need. LOL sometimes they are pretty pics. don't want to discourage talent. a great story. imagery is excellent. good luck~
love,
barbara
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for the review. Glad your daughter outgrew the walls. My son hasn't discovered them yet...
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you are so lucky. funny thing is not all children want to do it. lucky for them. LOL you are welcome~
love,
barbara
Comment from adewpearl
What a cute story that incorporates a poem - It just isn't fair that a crayon should try to corrupt the morals of a minor! LOL In the end his conscience spoke louder, and that is good. I love his mom's response. Within the poem there are quite a few places you don't use a comma with direct address: Mom, I love you. You are my boy, Jack. That kind of thing. In the end there should be a comma after smile, in the ending, not a period. This was a joy to read :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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What a cute story that incorporates a poem - It just isn't fair that a crayon should try to corrupt the morals of a minor! LOL In the end his conscience spoke louder, and that is good. I love his mom's response. Within the poem there are quite a few places you don't use a comma with direct address: Mom, I love you. You are my boy, Jack. That kind of thing. In the end there should be a comma after smile, in the ending, not a period. This was a joy to read :-) Brooke
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I will add those commas, I'm not sure what I was thinking.
Comment from redrider6612
Oh, this was really cute, and so original. I just loved the way you incorporated the poem into the story. I think this would make a wonderful children's picture book.
The only suggestion I have is to eliminate the first sentence. The story does such a great job of showing us what you told us in that first sentence, it's really unnecessary.
Overall, this was one of the best entries I've read. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Oh, this was really cute, and so original. I just loved the way you incorporated the poem into the story. I think this would make a wonderful children's picture book.
The only suggestion I have is to eliminate the first sentence. The story does such a great job of showing us what you told us in that first sentence, it's really unnecessary.
Overall, this was one of the best entries I've read. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you, I agree with you on the first sentence and am going to change that. I appreciate you input!!
Comment from jclark
Wow! Well done and so much fun to read. You went above and beyond the criteria for the contest and if you don't win, I will be shocked! You sound a bit "Dr Seussish" and I think that adds to the charm of your story. You also incorporated an important lesson. Kudos for an amazing piece of work.
Kindly,
Judy
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Wow! Well done and so much fun to read. You went above and beyond the criteria for the contest and if you don't win, I will be shocked! You sound a bit "Dr Seussish" and I think that adds to the charm of your story. You also incorporated an important lesson. Kudos for an amazing piece of work.
Kindly,
Judy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for an amazing review. I am honored to be compared to such a legend.
Comment from Mastery
Good idea for a story, writer. However, leave the entire first sentence off...Not needed. Start with something of a great hook like..."The sun was shining outside the day Jack's orange crayon talked to him for the first time.
Good luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Good idea for a story, writer. However, leave the entire first sentence off...Not needed. Start with something of a great hook like..."The sun was shining outside the day Jack's orange crayon talked to him for the first time.
Good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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What a great idea. Thank you for the idea.
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:) You are very welcome..Bob
Comment from c_lucas
A very understanding mother. Jack avoided the death sentance. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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A very understanding mother. Jack avoided the death sentance. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome.