An Opportunistic Killing
Fanstory suspects.24 total reviews
Comment from Amfunny
This was a fun read indeed. I loved it and had a blast reading it. Very nicely done and I am sure everyone in the story enjoyed it as well. Great job. :)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2010
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This was a fun read indeed. I loved it and had a blast reading it. Very nicely done and I am sure everyone in the story enjoyed it as well. Great job. :)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2010
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Lol. Thanks. I don't know. Lola hasn't spoken to me since I entered it. I hope she's not angry. I'm happy you enjoyed it. - John
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This was so much fun to read. I enjoyed every minute of it, but I feel so stupid. I know who's checkered handkerchief this would be. I guess I am not evey observant.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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This was so much fun to read. I enjoyed every minute of it, but I feel so stupid. I know who's checkered handkerchief this would be. I guess I am not evey observant.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Hi, barbara. Look in anabelle's recent posts. Lol. - John
Comment from nora arjuna
hi there, nice story, though i thought the category should be flash fiction?
Clad only in a towel wrapped around my waist, I was shocked when I opened the door. - the towel part is wordy. clad/wrapped, and we know where a towel is usually wrapped.
Two badges were shoved in my face as they entered my suite. - this sounds like the badges entered the suite
Wrapped only with a towel, I opened the door. Two guys shoved their badges in my face and entered.
She's in the Jacuzzi out on the patio[.]"
"Raymond John[,] was killed in his room tonight. - delete comma
Everyone shook their heads[, no]. - delete. understood one shook head to indicate 'no'.
good luck!
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hi there, nice story, though i thought the category should be flash fiction?
Clad only in a towel wrapped around my waist, I was shocked when I opened the door. - the towel part is wordy. clad/wrapped, and we know where a towel is usually wrapped.
Two badges were shoved in my face as they entered my suite. - this sounds like the badges entered the suite
Wrapped only with a towel, I opened the door. Two guys shoved their badges in my face and entered.
She's in the Jacuzzi out on the patio[.]"
"Raymond John[,] was killed in his room tonight. - delete comma
Everyone shook their heads[, no]. - delete. understood one shook head to indicate 'no'.
good luck!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
Comment from bookishfabler
I just became a fan of Mastery too. What a shame. And poor poor Ramond. What did he do to deserve this? This was really fun. I enjoy FanStory tales especially mysteries. Nice job
hugs
Book
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I just became a fan of Mastery too. What a shame. And poor poor Ramond. What did he do to deserve this? This was really fun. I enjoy FanStory tales especially mysteries. Nice job
hugs
Book
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
Comment from FredCollingwood
This is the most clever piece I've read on FS. Very creative. One minor thing:
We believe(,) Mr. John was killed by a single blow behind his ear with an object shaped like a woman's high heel > no comma.
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This is the most clever piece I've read on FS. Very creative. One minor thing:
We believe(,) Mr. John was killed by a single blow behind his ear with an object shaped like a woman's high heel > no comma.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
Comment from Mrs Jones
I don't know why more members did not enter this competition. I am enjoying the stories very much. This is well written and very funny.
"None of this makes sense. Why would someone above Mr. John in the rankings, kill him?" Ms. Beginagain offered - Priceless.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
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I don't know why more members did not enter this competition. I am enjoying the stories very much. This is well written and very funny.
"None of this makes sense. Why would someone above Mr. John in the rankings, kill him?" Ms. Beginagain offered - Priceless.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
Comment from MizKat
Your story is very well written. Since I'm fairly new to FS I don't know some of the people you mentioned, although some are familiar. This is a great read.
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Your story is very well written. Since I'm fairly new to FS I don't know some of the people you mentioned, although some are familiar. This is a great read.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
Comment from patmedium
John... clever beggar! I have not been around long enough yet to write one of these! Well done. A thoroughly good read and a thoroughly good chuckle. Pat.
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John... clever beggar! I have not been around long enough yet to write one of these! Well done. A thoroughly good read and a thoroughly good chuckle. Pat.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
Comment from Alison Williams
Poor Ray, Why did you have to go and bump him off? Lol
I love the tongue in cheek reference to someone making the murder real. This is hilarious. It reads like a wonderful Agatha Christie.
Very nice humorous moments there, and I'm sure no one was ofended, this is all done in the spirit of fun.
Very well written John.
Unfortunately I have no clue who the checkered handkerchief belongs to with the signature!
Cheers, Alison
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Poor Ray, Why did you have to go and bump him off? Lol
I love the tongue in cheek reference to someone making the murder real. This is hilarious. It reads like a wonderful Agatha Christie.
Very nice humorous moments there, and I'm sure no one was ofended, this is all done in the spirit of fun.
Very well written John.
Unfortunately I have no clue who the checkered handkerchief belongs to with the signature!
Cheers, Alison
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Alison. Read anabelle's "The Checkered Killer" story. She did it! Lol. - John
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent.
Thanks to he contest the top ranking authors are getting eliminated one by one. I'm happy as there is some hope of moving up the ladder for people down the totem pole.
I wish the contest included the top twenty instead of ten.
just kidding.
Your story made good reading and held my interest.
However, permit me to say that you over simplified the story. You could've injected more mystery in it.
Wishing you good luck in the contest.
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Excellent.
Thanks to he contest the top ranking authors are getting eliminated one by one. I'm happy as there is some hope of moving up the ladder for people down the totem pole.
I wish the contest included the top twenty instead of ten.
just kidding.
Your story made good reading and held my interest.
However, permit me to say that you over simplified the story. You could've injected more mystery in it.
Wishing you good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010