Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "The Friend"A book of Poetry & Writing
97 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
You make some excellent points, GW - Dogs are great companions - but more, they are true friends. Perhaps the best friend we will ever know. They are loyal, mostly obedient, trustworthy and so much more. Many can tell a story of how or when their lives were saved by a dog.
Best part, they hold your innermost secrets and never betray or judge. How awesome is that?
I did find some of the lines had irregular punctuation or phrasing -
following are some suggestions (purely optional, of course)
A phrase that stands for much[.] drop the period - add :
Have pride In what you do[,]
[In] meaning, that what you have[,]you've earned[;]
(no punctuation before an and is required here)
and that you've tried your best,
[And] when you sleep, [ ] matters not whether you're free
Or what your task may be, (No cap on the first 'and'
add the word 'it' before matters)
One duty there remains for him:
One duty stands for me.
Be you a soldier skilled and wise,
A laborer upon the street,
An artist on the stage,
[or] A Sailor on the sea,
All glory still awaits [for] you, (drop the word for)
One honor that is fair[,] (Change comma to a period)
Here's a phrase that stands for much[,] (Change comma to a colon)
[A friend who stands there,
It means that men have confidence, when sleeping at night
untroubled he may rest.
As your friend stands next to you,
Will shelter his one friend
the one that he knows best.]
(The above sounded a bit jumbled - perhaps:
A friend who [will] stands guard,
means that men [will] have confidence,
when sleeping at night[.]
Untroubled he may rest.
As your friend stands next to you,
[He] Will shelter his one friend[;]
the one that he knows best[.]
So, here it is altogether:
A phrase that stands for much:
Have pride In what you do;
meaning, that what you have, you've earned
and that you've tried your best,
and when you sleep, it matters not
whether you're free
Or what your task may be,
One duty there remains for him:
One duty stands for me.
Be you a soldier, skilled and wise,
A laborer upon the street,
An artist on the stage,
or a Sailor on the sea,
All glory still awaits you,
One honor that is fair.
Here's a phrase that stands for much:
A friend who stands guard,
means that men will have confidence
when sleeping at night.
Untroubled he may rest.
As your friend stands next to you,
He will shelter his one friend;
the one that he knows best.
Good imagination and flow.
  |
You make some excellent points, GW - Dogs are great companions - but more, they are true friends. Perhaps the best friend we will ever know. They are loyal, mostly obedient, trustworthy and so much more. Many can tell a story of how or when their lives were saved by a dog.
Best part, they hold your innermost secrets and never betray or judge. How awesome is that?
I did find some of the lines had irregular punctuation or phrasing -
following are some suggestions (purely optional, of course)
A phrase that stands for much[.] drop the period - add :
Have pride In what you do[,]
[In] meaning, that what you have[,]you've earned[;]
(no punctuation before an and is required here)
and that you've tried your best,
[And] when you sleep, [ ] matters not whether you're free
Or what your task may be, (No cap on the first 'and'
add the word 'it' before matters)
One duty there remains for him:
One duty stands for me.
Be you a soldier skilled and wise,
A laborer upon the street,
An artist on the stage,
[or] A Sailor on the sea,
All glory still awaits [for] you, (drop the word for)
One honor that is fair[,] (Change comma to a period)
Here's a phrase that stands for much[,] (Change comma to a colon)
[A friend who stands there,
It means that men have confidence, when sleeping at night
untroubled he may rest.
As your friend stands next to you,
Will shelter his one friend
the one that he knows best.]
(The above sounded a bit jumbled - perhaps:
A friend who [will] stands guard,
means that men [will] have confidence,
when sleeping at night[.]
Untroubled he may rest.
As your friend stands next to you,
[He] Will shelter his one friend[;]
the one that he knows best[.]
So, here it is altogether:
A phrase that stands for much:
Have pride In what you do;
meaning, that what you have, you've earned
and that you've tried your best,
and when you sleep, it matters not
whether you're free
Or what your task may be,
One duty there remains for him:
One duty stands for me.
Be you a soldier, skilled and wise,
A laborer upon the street,
An artist on the stage,
or a Sailor on the sea,
All glory still awaits you,
One honor that is fair.
Here's a phrase that stands for much:
A friend who stands guard,
means that men will have confidence
when sleeping at night.
Untroubled he may rest.
As your friend stands next to you,
He will shelter his one friend;
the one that he knows best.
Good imagination and flow.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
Comment from Cedar
I certainly agree with you. A good friend is really hard to find, especially these days as our world changes nearly every day. I enjoyed your thoughts. Bill
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I certainly agree with you. A good friend is really hard to find, especially these days as our world changes nearly every day. I enjoyed your thoughts. Bill
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A lovely poem from a a dog lover. I have a very best friend, my beagle.
It does seem in this day and age, we are attached to our technology, not to other people. I prefer my beagle to most people, Well written, my friend~Debbie
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A lovely poem from a a dog lover. I have a very best friend, my beagle.
It does seem in this day and age, we are attached to our technology, not to other people. I prefer my beagle to most people, Well written, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from Bryana
Beautiful poem to a faithful friend.
I've had dogs but when my last dog died
I was so heartbroken I decided not to
have any more pets, it's too painful
when they go.
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Beautiful poem to a faithful friend.
I've had dogs but when my last dog died
I was so heartbroken I decided not to
have any more pets, it's too painful
when they go.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from GWinterwin
Good poem with a great picture, word flow is good and rhyming good. A good story about your dog and best friend. Yes doing everything to the best of our ability it what counts.
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Good poem with a great picture, word flow is good and rhyming good. A good story about your dog and best friend. Yes doing everything to the best of our ability it what counts.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from lappmellott
I enjoyed reading your poem and I think it's well written. Although I'm not an animal person, mainly because I'm allergic to dog and cat dander, I do accept the close relationship that develops between a human and their dog or cat.
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I enjoyed reading your poem and I think it's well written. Although I'm not an animal person, mainly because I'm allergic to dog and cat dander, I do accept the close relationship that develops between a human and their dog or cat.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from poetbear
What a stunning dog.
Beautiful written.
Great depth and passion.
Reads and flows well.
Makes sense.
Many will relate.
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What a stunning dog.
Beautiful written.
Great depth and passion.
Reads and flows well.
Makes sense.
Many will relate.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from pattipac
Your poem shouts your phrase, "Have pride in what you do." That truth rings true for a soldier, his pet, artists,etc. Excellent picture choice as an introduction to your poem.
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Your poem shouts your phrase, "Have pride in what you do." That truth rings true for a soldier, his pet, artists,etc. Excellent picture choice as an introduction to your poem.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I recently lost my Labrador, and it still hurts. He was truly my friend and I miss him so much. This is very well written. Thanks for sharing.
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I recently lost my Labrador, and it still hurts. He was truly my friend and I miss him so much. This is very well written. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from Eternal Muse
A lot of wisdom in this write, and I love the picture!
Great lines:
And when you sleep matters not whether you're free
Or what your task may be,
One duty there remains for him:
One duty stands for me.
Excellent and imaginative.
|
A lot of wisdom in this write, and I love the picture!
Great lines:
And when you sleep matters not whether you're free
Or what your task may be,
One duty there remains for him:
One duty stands for me.
Excellent and imaginative.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014