The Horseman
A man in the middle of nowhere ...31 total reviews
Comment from LadyCosgrove
A Great story. To the point, just enough detail with no frills. A Thoroughly enjoyable read.
Well worth my vote - Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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A Great story. To the point, just enough detail with no frills. A Thoroughly enjoyable read.
Well worth my vote - Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Hi there! Thank you so!! I am very grateful for this! I am going to connect this tale with "The Lonesome Pines Of Mt. Tinweeot" if you like it well enough, the character in Lonesome Pines is Cal's great?? grandfather. I have to do some research, but might turn this into a book? Thank you for this kind and welcome review Lady!! Susan
Comment from Judy Swanson
This is a truly engaging story that sets the stage for more. More stories from Cal's life? More stories about the horses? What happens next? I want to know all of those things. I love a good western!
You tell the story, using specific names of and details about the kinds of horses as well as clear descriptions of the environment (kinds of trees, sage, grasses, the sounds of hooves on frozen grass, etc.) which gives you a great deal of credibility.
The dialog is natural and believable, and you develop the characters well.
There are a few word and punctuation uses that I found confusing, or that halted my reading for a moment. Examples below:
He knew this area like the back of his hand, these quakies were isolated, an island of trees. With nothing but prairie on each side.
You might try "He knew this area like the back of his hand. These quakies were isolated, an island of trees, with nothing but prairie on either side."
********
quick, with the movement of a cougar hunting.
Consider "...quick, with the movement of a cougar on the hunt."
**********
We do have an eye in the sky, if we're lucky, we'll see someone out there looking for that Jeep.
The way you punctuated this one, it sounds as if we are lucky if we have an eye in the sky. Think about "We do have an eye in the sky. If we're lucky, we'll see someone out there looking for that Jeep."
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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This is a truly engaging story that sets the stage for more. More stories from Cal's life? More stories about the horses? What happens next? I want to know all of those things. I love a good western!
You tell the story, using specific names of and details about the kinds of horses as well as clear descriptions of the environment (kinds of trees, sage, grasses, the sounds of hooves on frozen grass, etc.) which gives you a great deal of credibility.
The dialog is natural and believable, and you develop the characters well.
There are a few word and punctuation uses that I found confusing, or that halted my reading for a moment. Examples below:
He knew this area like the back of his hand, these quakies were isolated, an island of trees. With nothing but prairie on each side.
You might try "He knew this area like the back of his hand. These quakies were isolated, an island of trees, with nothing but prairie on either side."
********
quick, with the movement of a cougar hunting.
Consider "...quick, with the movement of a cougar on the hunt."
**********
We do have an eye in the sky, if we're lucky, we'll see someone out there looking for that Jeep.
The way you punctuated this one, it sounds as if we are lucky if we have an eye in the sky. Think about "We do have an eye in the sky. If we're lucky, we'll see someone out there looking for that Jeep."
Comment Written 07-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2010
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Hi there! I wrote a story called "The Lonesome Pines Of Mt. Teewinot" set back in the 1800's, this one is modern day. THe character in "Mt. Teewinot" is Calvin's grandfather, who owned the Sharps that was passed down? Let me know if you think this is a good idea. I havn't started it yet, I mean the continuation of these two stories. I will also fix these suggestions and I really appreciate your help!! Happy writing! Susan
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I think this is an awesome idea! I will look forward to reading about Calvin's grandfather soon. I sounds like you could have an epic series on your hands - or a novel. Nice.
Comment from Sasha
This is a beautifully written, deeply moving, and fascinating story. It is definitely a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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This is a beautifully written, deeply moving, and fascinating story. It is definitely a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2010
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Hi there! Thank you so much! I was so surprised at the nomination. A real honor, and to have this great review from you is too Miss Smurph! Hugs, Susan
Comment from Korton
This is an excellent story from beginning to end. I've been in many areas like you describe here. Calvin makes a great character and I think you could do a lot with him if you choose to expand this into a larger work. Very well done.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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This is an excellent story from beginning to end. I've been in many areas like you describe here. Calvin makes a great character and I think you could do a lot with him if you choose to expand this into a larger work. Very well done.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Frank!! Thank you so much!! I would go live out west in a heartbeat if I could! I'm glad to hear you have been out there. The last time I was there, was to go to a horse auction in South Dakota in 1999. I didn't want to come back here, that's for sure. Thank you for this encouragment and your time for me too!! I really appreciate this! ") Susan
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I've lived in Wyoming and North Dakota. Both locations served as the background for many wonderful experiences.
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Oh wow Frank. I think nowadays, all the really nice places are owned by the very wealthy, or foreigners or are gov. land, parks, and all. It's grand, and all I can do is dream! HA. ") Susan
Comment from Daylok
Wow this is a real great story!! A good read and the flow was good. Such a cool dedication!! The charactors were devolped.
Great job!-daylok
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Wow this is a real great story!! A good read and the flow was good. Such a cool dedication!! The charactors were devolped.
Great job!-daylok
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Hi Day! Thanks so much! I am happy you liked this and took a minute to review for me too! It's always great to hear from you!! Smiles! Susan
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Don;t be silly, I like your writting so of couse I will read & review it!!
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Susan,
I read this late last night and I'm just now getting around to writing a review for it.
First, let me say that from your descriptions of horses and farm life, you seem to be writing from life experiences, which makes the piece read very authentically.
Your descriptive writing is excellent. It's very clean and smooth, making it easy to read. You alternate sentence structures well, so the writing doesn't become repetitive.
You write action scenes very well, but I have a suggestion. I'll use a couple of lines from your story as an example.
"Just as Calivin and Big began to relax another shot rang out, this one splintering the trunk of the tree not fifteen feet to their left. Cal grabbed the reins and a he started to swing up, another shot rang out and his horse fell dead in front of him, saving his life."
"The trunk of a nearby Aspen splintered, followed a moment later by the distant crack of a rifle. Cal realized that whoever was shooting, wasn't shooting into the woods blindly. The shooter could see them. Cal grabbed Big's reins, twisting them in his fist,pulling himself toward the horse. Then Cal heard it. The solid thump of a bullet striking Big. The horse reared back, jerking Cal off his feet, and collapsed."
Does that sound a bit better? If not, forget my idea.
Good story
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Susan,
I read this late last night and I'm just now getting around to writing a review for it.
First, let me say that from your descriptions of horses and farm life, you seem to be writing from life experiences, which makes the piece read very authentically.
Your descriptive writing is excellent. It's very clean and smooth, making it easy to read. You alternate sentence structures well, so the writing doesn't become repetitive.
You write action scenes very well, but I have a suggestion. I'll use a couple of lines from your story as an example.
"Just as Calivin and Big began to relax another shot rang out, this one splintering the trunk of the tree not fifteen feet to their left. Cal grabbed the reins and a he started to swing up, another shot rang out and his horse fell dead in front of him, saving his life."
"The trunk of a nearby Aspen splintered, followed a moment later by the distant crack of a rifle. Cal realized that whoever was shooting, wasn't shooting into the woods blindly. The shooter could see them. Cal grabbed Big's reins, twisting them in his fist,pulling himself toward the horse. Then Cal heard it. The solid thump of a bullet striking Big. The horse reared back, jerking Cal off his feet, and collapsed."
Does that sound a bit better? If not, forget my idea.
Good story
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
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Hey! It sounds much better! I really like the "solid thump of a bullet" that is how it would be! Thank you G! You're a great helper!! I will work on this tonight! ") Susan
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Great.
Comment from CodyJack
Very good short story with a great theme and a lesson that we need to tell people how we feel each day so we don't regret it. It appears very appropriate for today of 9-11. You held my interest. Great one. Cody
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Very good short story with a great theme and a lesson that we need to tell people how we feel each day so we don't regret it. It appears very appropriate for today of 9-11. You held my interest. Great one. Cody
Comment Written 12-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2010
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Hi Cody!! Thank you very much! I am glad you got the message from this, it's more than just horse and cowboy...thank you so much. Life is unpredictable and so short. I am happy to hear from you Cody. Susan
Comment from marcii
A great story that had it all from shooting to horses. So sad for the horse to die and don't forget poor herm.
Well written with good descriptions.
I don't know a lot about these type of horses but grew up with trotters.
Marcii
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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A great story that had it all from shooting to horses. So sad for the horse to die and don't forget poor herm.
Well written with good descriptions.
I don't know a lot about these type of horses but grew up with trotters.
Marcii
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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Hi Marcii! Thank you! It's nice to know you had horses! These are stock types, ranch horses. We have quarter horses and one paint that is a pain in the yu know what...he's young and just green broke. I am happy you liked this Marcii, and I do really appreciate your kind review too! Susan
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Susan. This is very good writing overall. A few suggestions if I may however:
"the paint colt running almost blindly, around the pen. It was" (leave out the "almost")
"Hey Cal! Ready?" His partner was hollerin', he was mounted up, his young horse prancing in the cold morning air, ready to go. Calvin threw his rig onto the back of his old gelding." ( I would definitely mention the steam billowing out of the horse's nostrils since that cold morning air is pointed out)
"before he could turn the key in his ignition" ("the" ignition)
" He gathered his lariat to go begin the task of breaking the paint colt he would call Tank. And he would be proud to ride him." (take out "go" as in "to go"
I realize some of this seems petty, but good writing is a matter of "weeding" out all unnecessary words in the final revision.
Very good writing as I said....Bob
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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Hi, Susan. This is very good writing overall. A few suggestions if I may however:
"the paint colt running almost blindly, around the pen. It was" (leave out the "almost")
"Hey Cal! Ready?" His partner was hollerin', he was mounted up, his young horse prancing in the cold morning air, ready to go. Calvin threw his rig onto the back of his old gelding." ( I would definitely mention the steam billowing out of the horse's nostrils since that cold morning air is pointed out)
"before he could turn the key in his ignition" ("the" ignition)
" He gathered his lariat to go begin the task of breaking the paint colt he would call Tank. And he would be proud to ride him." (take out "go" as in "to go"
I realize some of this seems petty, but good writing is a matter of "weeding" out all unnecessary words in the final revision.
Very good writing as I said....Bob
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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") Thank you!! I have these all fixed! ") I do not consider this petty Bob, it's important, this is why I wrote this, to learn. I don't know why I can't remember all these important things. But maybe if I do it enough, soon I will. Thanks again, it's very nice of you to be so helpful. I do appreciate it my friend!! ") Happy Saturday to you!! Susan
Comment from MS Writer
Great story line with a mystery involved. Very descriptive. You can see them riding off. Dialogue is natural. Found one type though.
but prarie on each side
Guess it should be prairie
Good stuff.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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Great story line with a mystery involved. Very descriptive. You can see them riding off. Dialogue is natural. Found one type though.
but prarie on each side
Guess it should be prairie
Good stuff.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2010
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Hi there, I have fixed this? Over an hour ago...must be Evil Eddie again...? Let me know if it goes away soon? If you can? I appreciate! Susan