Snowdevil
Easy come, easy go ... (has mild language)29 total reviews
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
I can see why this sad/funny adventure story won its ribbons and stars. I don't know what quality it is that puts the reader on the criminal's side, but I wanted him to have that money and get to his sunshine beaches. Was wondering though--if Billy froze to death, he be on the hook for manslaughter probably. He sez he'll let someone know, but someone's going to put 2 and 2 together.Anyway it didn't get that far. Very entertaining suspenseful read. GoodHearted Woman
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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I can see why this sad/funny adventure story won its ribbons and stars. I don't know what quality it is that puts the reader on the criminal's side, but I wanted him to have that money and get to his sunshine beaches. Was wondering though--if Billy froze to death, he be on the hook for manslaughter probably. He sez he'll let someone know, but someone's going to put 2 and 2 together.Anyway it didn't get that far. Very entertaining suspenseful read. GoodHearted Woman
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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A late but sincere thank you! GHW! :)
Comment from Ukulele Indian
Nice story, very clever idea, and I liked the hints of irony. I only caught a few grammatical errors... for example, "k" isn't really something that should be used, "'kay" with an apostrophe works better. But anyway, great job!
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Nice story, very clever idea, and I liked the hints of irony. I only caught a few grammatical errors... for example, "k" isn't really something that should be used, "'kay" with an apostrophe works better. But anyway, great job!
Comment Written 30-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Hi there! I'd forgotten about this old post! I changed the 'k' to 'kay'...I have no idea which is right. Thanks tho! And welcome! I'm happy you took a minute for my story! :) Susan
Comment from jack silver
WOW I AM IMPRESSED!!!!!!!!! Well written short story written in flash fiction style! Well worth the six stars!! If I could give it a ten stars I would have! Really look forward to reading more!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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WOW I AM IMPRESSED!!!!!!!!! Well written short story written in flash fiction style! Well worth the six stars!! If I could give it a ten stars I would have! Really look forward to reading more!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
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Hi Jack! What an honor! I am so happy you enjoyed this Jack! Thanks for reading it and also for this high rating too. I will consider this a ten and one of my best! Happy New 2011 to you and your family my friend! Take care!! Susan
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will do. you have a good day as well!
Comment from Fireshadow
Susan, your talent as a writer never ceases to amaze me. This is an excellent flash fiction narrative with solid descriptions and very credible dialogue appropriate to the character. Terrific work, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Susan, your talent as a writer never ceases to amaze me. This is an excellent flash fiction narrative with solid descriptions and very credible dialogue appropriate to the character. Terrific work, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 04-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Hi Ama! Thank you! And you as well! I am trying to do more reading and reviewing today.../tonight! SO far behind...lots of new stuff that looks good too! I am so glad you liked this Ama!! ") Thank you again! xoxo. Susan
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
Your drinking protagonist has an excellent attitude. Easy come, easy go says it all. I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Susan,
Your drinking protagonist has an excellent attitude. Easy come, easy go says it all. I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi Dave! Thank you! What a grand review. Short, but SO encouraging and kind. I appreciate this a lot! Susan
Comment from The Stranger
interest levels are well catered for, it is very neatly packaged with narratives blending in well, short but constructive paragraphs, good to read
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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interest levels are well catered for, it is very neatly packaged with narratives blending in well, short but constructive paragraphs, good to read
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi Stranger! Thank you! I am so glad you liked this...it was a fun one...I love the old cars too. It's great to hear from you again! ") Susan
Comment from Ted T
Hey Susan :)
Are you going for an international short story award?
This piece is the kind of work you should be submitting to a WD contest for shorts. You could win your own suitcase full of money and a trip to the big apple.
Good stuff girl.
Ted
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hey Susan :)
Are you going for an international short story award?
This piece is the kind of work you should be submitting to a WD contest for shorts. You could win your own suitcase full of money and a trip to the big apple.
Good stuff girl.
Ted
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi Ted! Wow...you are giving me a fat head now! Don't I wish, ha. It's a real good feeling when you like what I do Ted. Thank you very very much. Susan
Comment from fluffnstuff
hi there....iliked the story. really thought it it was a cute idea for a story.
In Fargo,when they could, did they ever find the snow bank to uncover the money that they had buried? great writer. luvs di
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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hi there....iliked the story. really thought it it was a cute idea for a story.
In Fargo,when they could, did they ever find the snow bank to uncover the money that they had buried? great writer. luvs di
Comment Written 02-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi Dianne! No, it never said, but remember, the little guy got CHIPPED UP, and the really mean one was off to jail? SO, that is why I wrote this...SOMEONE had to find it! Altho, I put it back in the late fifties or whatever? Thank you my friend, it's fun to hear from you! HUGS!! Susan
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Suse,
This is an interesting and straight-forward story with a message about greed. The plot's good, but the conflict was a little weak for me. I think a fella like the narrator wd be used to getting his butt chewed. Just a couple of suggestions. In order for it to be counted easily, as well as to prevent just the kind of accident you describe, large sums of money are nearly always bound tightly in bundles, so having it blow away was difficult for me to accept. Secondly, was the narrator going to leave his drunk friend in the car to freeze to death?
I've noted a few comma errors.
( ) means add
{ } means delete
The centerline was barely visible(,) and my old DeSoto lugged along, bald tires humming as I bare-knuckled it home.
My wife was gonna be mighty pissed off this time. Me and Billy had been out since before dark (,) and now{,}| it was almost December daylight again.
That is{,}if we made it inside the house alive.
Next thing I know{,}we was in the ditch, snow up to the DeSoto's hood.
"Huh(?) {...}" Use a question mark.
"Hmmmmm {...} " Use a period here.
snowbank. (snow bank)
I felt something hard beneath my left boot (,) and I dug down to it with the flimsy ice scraper, hoping we hadn't landed on top of a guardrail.
Dark leather appeared (,) and I pulled up a medium sized suitcase.
Good tale.
g
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Suse,
This is an interesting and straight-forward story with a message about greed. The plot's good, but the conflict was a little weak for me. I think a fella like the narrator wd be used to getting his butt chewed. Just a couple of suggestions. In order for it to be counted easily, as well as to prevent just the kind of accident you describe, large sums of money are nearly always bound tightly in bundles, so having it blow away was difficult for me to accept. Secondly, was the narrator going to leave his drunk friend in the car to freeze to death?
I've noted a few comma errors.
( ) means add
{ } means delete
The centerline was barely visible(,) and my old DeSoto lugged along, bald tires humming as I bare-knuckled it home.
My wife was gonna be mighty pissed off this time. Me and Billy had been out since before dark (,) and now{,}| it was almost December daylight again.
That is{,}if we made it inside the house alive.
Next thing I know{,}we was in the ditch, snow up to the DeSoto's hood.
"Huh(?) {...}" Use a question mark.
"Hmmmmm {...} " Use a period here.
snowbank. (snow bank)
I felt something hard beneath my left boot (,) and I dug down to it with the flimsy ice scraper, hoping we hadn't landed on top of a guardrail.
Dark leather appeared (,) and I pulled up a medium sized suitcase.
Good tale.
g
Comment Written 02-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi G! How are you? I am thrilled with this detailed and very helpful review...I will fix immediately, I am sorry for this late reply...lots of stories in my mind to do and if I let them go, then they are gone...? Thank you so much! I hope you have a great new year and aren't in that bad weather out there? ":) Susan
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Okey-doke. Here's wishing a happy and healthy new year to us both.
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Oh we can sure hope! ") So glad to hear from you!! Suse
Comment from juliaSjames
Very well written. This story has an ironic underbite that makes it stand out. In addition, the dialogue is superb. You have a good ear for the cadences of verbal interchange.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Very well written. This story has an ironic underbite that makes it stand out. In addition, the dialogue is superb. You have a good ear for the cadences of verbal interchange.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi Julia! Thank you. What an encouraging review! Wow. Enthusiasm such as this really does help me keep trying! Happy New Year to you too!! ") Susan