Sunday Smile
an essence poem14 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi starkat
I read through the entries for this contest, and I saw quite a few that missed the boat altogether. One entry even had 8/6 syllables. But yours passes the test. I like the closeness of "sunny/Sunday".
You've got the rhymes, "day/pray/stay" and "smile/awhile".
Most people go to church to feel better about themselves, and perhaps that's the "Sunday smile". Can it last through the week?
Nicely penned essence poem! Good luck in the contest!
Kimbob
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2011
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Hi starkat
I read through the entries for this contest, and I saw quite a few that missed the boat altogether. One entry even had 8/6 syllables. But yours passes the test. I like the closeness of "sunny/Sunday".
You've got the rhymes, "day/pray/stay" and "smile/awhile".
Most people go to church to feel better about themselves, and perhaps that's the "Sunday smile". Can it last through the week?
Nicely penned essence poem! Good luck in the contest!
Kimbob
Comment Written 06-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2011
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Thanks for the wonderful review, Kimbob. Appreciate all your comments ... ;o) starkat
Comment from Denise S
A smile so precious and dear, I liked everything about this poem, about the smile. Smiles are so special and make such a difference in life. But I think the syllable count was off
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2011
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A smile so precious and dear, I liked everything about this poem, about the smile. Smiles are so special and make such a difference in life. But I think the syllable count was off
Comment Written 06-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2011
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Glad you liked this essence poem, Denise. Appreciate your thoughts on smiles ... ;0)
Comment from Amicus
Nice thought, Art...and cleverly put too. I like the smooth flow of your essence poem and the ease with which the second line rhyme works. Good luck in the competition...This one has my vote so far.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2011
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Nice thought, Art...and cleverly put too. I like the smooth flow of your essence poem and the ease with which the second line rhyme works. Good luck in the competition...This one has my vote so far.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2011
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Thanks, Amicus. Appreciate your thoughts on this essence poem ... and hey, Congratulations on winning the 'Nature Haiku' contest with your 'savage storm'. Well done ...;o) Art
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is technically well done while having a simple, positive message. The presentation also is quite attractive. Good luck to you in the contest. You had my vote. Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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This is technically well done while having a simple, positive message. The presentation also is quite attractive. Good luck to you in the contest. You had my vote. Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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Thanks, Jeanie! Glad you enjoyed it. Appreciate your comments, and the vote ... ;0)
Comment from BobbieCow
I am a bit confused about the Sunday and pray references. Are you going religious in this piece? Or is it simply her smile which can fade and ruin the moment? Or maybe something else...
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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I am a bit confused about the Sunday and pray references. Are you going religious in this piece? Or is it simply her smile which can fade and ruin the moment? Or maybe something else...
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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Thanks for the review, Bobbie. I can understand the confusion. Definitely not going religious, but more focussed on the smile and the internal rhymes my mind conjured up for sun(ny)/Sun day, stay and pray. Just working on a bit of word play. Appreciate your comments. I'll do better in the next essence contest ... ;)
Comment from missy98writer
Mystery Poet,
your essence poem is beautifully written. Good juxtaposition of art work to poem theme. Your use of alliteration is excellent with the S words. Your rhymes are great and I like your combos of pray Sunday and smile awhile. Your essence is in proper form with two lines and six syllables each line. You did an excellent job with your essence and I wish you good luck in the Essence Poem Contest writing prompt. It's a delight to have read and reviewed you poem with the cool alliterated title Sunday Smile. Have a lovely day and keep on writing with heart.
Missy.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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Mystery Poet,
your essence poem is beautifully written. Good juxtaposition of art work to poem theme. Your use of alliteration is excellent with the S words. Your rhymes are great and I like your combos of pray Sunday and smile awhile. Your essence is in proper form with two lines and six syllables each line. You did an excellent job with your essence and I wish you good luck in the Essence Poem Contest writing prompt. It's a delight to have read and reviewed you poem with the cool alliterated title Sunday Smile. Have a lovely day and keep on writing with heart.
Missy.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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Thanks for the wonderful, detailed review, Missy! So glad you enjoyed this little essence poem. Appreciate ALL your comments ... ;0)
Comment from Piggies Grandma
This is a very lovely essence poem. It says so much with your few carefully chosen words. I enjoyed reading it very much and it was very cleverly written.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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This is a very lovely essence poem. It says so much with your few carefully chosen words. I enjoyed reading it very much and it was very cleverly written.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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thank you very much. appreciate your commens!
Comment from Chris Tee
The poem is within the parameters of the contest and the syllable count is perfect old sport.
This is a rather splendid entry and I wish you good luck in this fierce contest.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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The poem is within the parameters of the contest and the syllable count is perfect old sport.
This is a rather splendid entry and I wish you good luck in this fierce contest.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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thank you very much. appreciate your comments!
Comment from sito saguid
excellent essence poem.
this has complied with the requirements:
first line = 6 syllables
2nd line = 6 syllables
internal rhymes on separate lines:
line 1 -- sunday
ine 2 -- pray
ending rhymes on separate lines:
line 1 -- smile
line 2 -- while (i think the poet should have used the one AWHILE instead of A WHILE)
and the message is very clear-cut as well.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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excellent essence poem.
this has complied with the requirements:
first line = 6 syllables
2nd line = 6 syllables
internal rhymes on separate lines:
line 1 -- sunday
ine 2 -- pray
ending rhymes on separate lines:
line 1 -- smile
line 2 -- while (i think the poet should have used the one AWHILE instead of A WHILE)
and the message is very clear-cut as well.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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thanks silo. you're probably right so I changed it to 'awhile'. appreciate your fine review ... ;)
Comment from robina1978
Thank so much for explaining what was required-did not know when I read previous one.
What a lovely picture that complements your poem so well.
You certainly fulfilled the requirements.
Such a great message you gave.
Thanks for sharing and all the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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Thank so much for explaining what was required-did not know when I read previous one.
What a lovely picture that complements your poem so well.
You certainly fulfilled the requirements.
Such a great message you gave.
Thanks for sharing and all the best for the contest.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2011
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Glad you enjoyed this essence poem. Appreciate your comments ...;)