Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Part two, Chapter 11"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
86 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
The kiss, this is the perfect setup for the big kiss. And don't let Troy's dad spoil it with an intuitive appearance. I need these two to show a little passion for each other. I swear you are killing me. Don't even say it. One more.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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The kiss, this is the perfect setup for the big kiss. And don't let Troy's dad spoil it with an intuitive appearance. I need these two to show a little passion for each other. I swear you are killing me. Don't even say it. One more.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from Joyce Crowe
Very well written as usual. I like the idea of 2 white knights in shining armour. And this story continues to reflect one of this country's biggest problems.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Very well written as usual. I like the idea of 2 white knights in shining armour. And this story continues to reflect one of this country's biggest problems.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
1. At the Sorenson home, Betty showed Anna to a spare bedroom. {This sentence sounds a bit artificial to me. Hasn't Anna stayed in the Sorenson home before? If so Betty might help her get her things back to a spare bedroom, but T suggest: 'At the Sorenson home, Betty helped Anna move her things to the guest room.' She might make some comment like, 'This may start to feel like home to you.}
2. "I'm sorry this happened. I protected your son but couldn't catch the abductor. He's a tall, muscular, white male. I wasn't able to get close enough to get a good look at him. I followed for a few blocks but lost him in traffic. His car was a late model dark blue Chevelle. The license plate number was blocked by dirt. Probably intentionally." {I think the first thought might be that one of Bobby's drinking partners might have been paid to abduct Michael. Of course Mrs. Rogers may have found someone to do the deed. I can't imagine Mr. Rogers being involved.}
I like the way Anna and Troy keep getting closer to full romance. just a thought, If Mrs. Rogers has her detective watching Anna, will the Garden be sufficiently out of view/
As usual this reads well and moves the story along. I expect more trouble from Bobby and his mother.
Roger
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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1. At the Sorenson home, Betty showed Anna to a spare bedroom. {This sentence sounds a bit artificial to me. Hasn't Anna stayed in the Sorenson home before? If so Betty might help her get her things back to a spare bedroom, but T suggest: 'At the Sorenson home, Betty helped Anna move her things to the guest room.' She might make some comment like, 'This may start to feel like home to you.}
2. "I'm sorry this happened. I protected your son but couldn't catch the abductor. He's a tall, muscular, white male. I wasn't able to get close enough to get a good look at him. I followed for a few blocks but lost him in traffic. His car was a late model dark blue Chevelle. The license plate number was blocked by dirt. Probably intentionally." {I think the first thought might be that one of Bobby's drinking partners might have been paid to abduct Michael. Of course Mrs. Rogers may have found someone to do the deed. I can't imagine Mr. Rogers being involved.}
I like the way Anna and Troy keep getting closer to full romance. just a thought, If Mrs. Rogers has her detective watching Anna, will the Garden be sufficiently out of view/
As usual this reads well and moves the story along. I expect more trouble from Bobby and his mother.
Roger
Comment Written 14-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Anna has never stayed over night at the Sorenson home before, this is the first time. I am working on the romance, but I want it to move slow because I don't think an abused woman needs a man immediately in her life. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Changeisgood
Barbara, It's moving right along. I looked for typos and couldn't nab any. The punctuation looks right too.
Anna's depression comes across well, a kind of weary wariness and a fear she and Michael will never be safe.
I liked how Everett describes the almost abduction. It fit right in and was information the reader needed to know. It wasn't clunky or add on.
Looking forward to your next installment. Changeisgood
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Barbara, It's moving right along. I looked for typos and couldn't nab any. The punctuation looks right too.
Anna's depression comes across well, a kind of weary wariness and a fear she and Michael will never be safe.
I liked how Everett describes the almost abduction. It fit right in and was information the reader needed to know. It wasn't clunky or add on.
Looking forward to your next installment. Changeisgood
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Helen Tan
Hmm... I smell that magical kiss coming. Good thing they managed to get Michael back. =D
He cuddled the baby closer.
Did you refer to "toddler" in previous chapter? I think "baby" implies someone much younger so I would go with toddler. Just thought I would let you know.
I bet he's an associate of his.
Suggest you make "he" and "his" clearer in this sentence, maybe something like -
I bet the abductor is an associate of Bobby's.
Anna took Michael from her, kissed his cheek, and tightly held him.
I read this a few times, - ...and held him tightly.
seems to flow better.
At a sound, she jumped.
Maybe just be more specific about the "sound" - shuffle of feet, creaking of wood planks of the patio, the door leading out to the patio?
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Hmm... I smell that magical kiss coming. Good thing they managed to get Michael back. =D
He cuddled the baby closer.
Did you refer to "toddler" in previous chapter? I think "baby" implies someone much younger so I would go with toddler. Just thought I would let you know.
I bet he's an associate of his.
Suggest you make "he" and "his" clearer in this sentence, maybe something like -
I bet the abductor is an associate of Bobby's.
Anna took Michael from her, kissed his cheek, and tightly held him.
I read this a few times, - ...and held him tightly.
seems to flow better.
At a sound, she jumped.
Maybe just be more specific about the "sound" - shuffle of feet, creaking of wood planks of the patio, the door leading out to the patio?
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Michael is only 8 months old. I think he's still a baby.
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Thanks for clarification. =D
Comment from SharonSue
Your story continues well and look forward to the next chapter. This sounds like a great love story but has the excitement of a mystery as well. Very good reading.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Your story continues well and look forward to the next chapter. This sounds like a great love story but has the excitement of a mystery as well. Very good reading.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from OklahomaDreamer
Nicely done. I haven't had the opportunity to read any of the previous chapters, but I was able to pick up the story line without any difficulty. Some of the dialogue seems a bit forced, not really natural in its flow, but over all i like the story.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Nicely done. I haven't had the opportunity to read any of the previous chapters, but I was able to pick up the story line without any difficulty. Some of the dialogue seems a bit forced, not really natural in its flow, but over all i like the story.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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My characters are well educated so their dialogue is a little more formal. I established that in previous chapter. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from allborn66
This is a very good chapter. The characters were believable. The dialogue is good. I like the story arc within it. It flows nicely.
Barbara
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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This is a very good chapter. The characters were believable. The dialogue is good. I like the story arc within it. It flows nicely.
Barbara
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Readywriter52
Anna has had a bad scare. It shows that her mother-in-law will do anything to get Michael. Troy and Paul need to protect Anna at all times. Maybe Michael should stay with Paul's family.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Anna has had a bad scare. It shows that her mother-in-law will do anything to get Michael. Troy and Paul need to protect Anna at all times. Maybe Michael should stay with Paul's family.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cheryl Baker
I'm enjoying your story. I immediately became engaged with reading you well written chapter, Lonely Hearts Meet. I'm intrigued to discover how the story continues and discover how Anna and Troy romance develops.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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I'm enjoying your story. I immediately became engaged with reading you well written chapter, Lonely Hearts Meet. I'm intrigued to discover how the story continues and discover how Anna and Troy romance develops.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.