Metaphorical Seas
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Two Sahara"a series of blank impressions
25 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You have nice use of both similes and metaphors. Your use of personification will draw the reader in. My favorite stanza is the last one it is a way of summarizing everything I think. I love the image of the rosaries of dew. I find that very exciting.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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You have nice use of both similes and metaphors. Your use of personification will draw the reader in. My favorite stanza is the last one it is a way of summarizing everything I think. I love the image of the rosaries of dew. I find that very exciting.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Phew Liz,
That's a remarkable review of a piece from the Dark Vault. 12-years old, However did you find it?
I do not use the site for poetry these days, and I am so very greatful that you undertook the reading for 2 cents. If nothing else it prompted me to read my own work.
I wish you the very best with your own continued writing.
cheers
phill
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I enjoy going back to the very beginning of posts in portfolios and then work my way forward. well done
Comment from chasennov
Your exercise in blank verse 'Two Sahara,' swished like a double-edged sword and chopped the body in two halves, making it stronger to encompass the extensions to the narratives. Well done. Kind regards.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Your exercise in blank verse 'Two Sahara,' swished like a double-edged sword and chopped the body in two halves, making it stronger to encompass the extensions to the narratives. Well done. Kind regards.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Hello
Thanks for the positive review
I wish you well
Cheers
phill
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good poem when reading it I felt like I was on a bike riding up a hill then free wheeling down it again very well written thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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This is a good poem when reading it I felt like I was on a bike riding up a hill then free wheeling down it again very well written thank you for sharing
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Hello
Thanks for the positive review
I wish you well
Cheers
phill
Comment from CR Delport
Not only are you a very good poet, you have an exceptional way with words. This is very nicely done. It reads very beautifully and is quite powerful. Well done!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Not only are you a very good poet, you have an exceptional way with words. This is very nicely done. It reads very beautifully and is quite powerful. Well done!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2013
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Hello
Thanks for the positive review
I wish you well
Cheers
phill
Comment from Espresso momma
Well, I will be honest, I didn't understand a word of your poem. Now understand I am getting old enough to blame it on my age, or just a bit dense. But still I think you write for effort and I like that. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Well, I will be honest, I didn't understand a word of your poem. Now understand I am getting old enough to blame it on my age, or just a bit dense. But still I think you write for effort and I like that. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Hello
Many thanks for your comments.
I have been away on long leave and only just returned â?? hence the delay with this response: I thank you for reading and responding.
phill
Comment from stephybs
Your choice of words in this piece hold their Wight and your poetry flows and rhymes very well. Your line beneath a cornflower sky is lovely! Stephanie
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Your choice of words in this piece hold their Wight and your poetry flows and rhymes very well. Your line beneath a cornflower sky is lovely! Stephanie
Comment Written 30-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Hello
Many thanks for your kind words.
I have been away on long leave and only just returned â?? hence the delay with this response: I thank you for your encouragement.
phill
Comment from Harlequin
Strong, good images, a nice well written descriptive poem that flows well and deliver your 'story' nicely. :)
Thanks for sharing, :)
Ed
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Strong, good images, a nice well written descriptive poem that flows well and deliver your 'story' nicely. :)
Thanks for sharing, :)
Ed
Comment Written 30-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Hello
Many thanks for your kind words.
I have been away on long leave and only just returned â?? hence the delay with this response: I thank you for your encouragement.
phill
Comment from adewpearl
good cadence in your lines due to good iambic meter
I am not going to scan every line to find the occasional places you deviate from the meter as you state you do
vivid descriptive detail that creates mood effectively - I love many of your images like slurs of powdered lions
and storm-wracked copper sea
I like the consonance of L sounds in lapis-tongued a lizard tilts
and the alliteration of soft S sounds in the scorpions line
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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good cadence in your lines due to good iambic meter
I am not going to scan every line to find the occasional places you deviate from the meter as you state you do
vivid descriptive detail that creates mood effectively - I love many of your images like slurs of powdered lions
and storm-wracked copper sea
I like the consonance of L sounds in lapis-tongued a lizard tilts
and the alliteration of soft S sounds in the scorpions line
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello there
Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement. I respect your opinion and I wish you well.
Cheers
phill
Comment from Alan K Pease
I was not sure of the red butterflies and spider webs on a sea of sand to realize you were not only talking about the desert but one with human habitation. The poem is brilliant.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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I was not sure of the red butterflies and spider webs on a sea of sand to realize you were not only talking about the desert but one with human habitation. The poem is brilliant.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello there
Phew â?? donâ??t know about â??brilliantâ??: but I will take it where I can get it.
Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement.
I wish you well.
Cheers
phill
Comment from rjuselius
it is brilliant but unfortunately my lack of vocabulary cannot reach the heights of your whole piece of poetic art. i do appreciate the point of views.
thank you for sharing such a powerful poem!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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it is brilliant but unfortunately my lack of vocabulary cannot reach the heights of your whole piece of poetic art. i do appreciate the point of views.
thank you for sharing such a powerful poem!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello there
Donâ??t be hard on yourself â?? your English is superb compared to my Finnish.
Dylan Thomas (and many writers before him and after him) wrote sometimes just to use words which felt good in the mouth and on the tongue. The meaning was not important.
I cannot say that this was my intention, but that you like the words is tremendous encouragement for me: and I can only thank you and wish you well.
Warm regards
phill
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thank you for the encouragement! bless you:)