Husband / Pariah / Therapist
a helpless response15 total reviews
Comment from Hitcher
I had to read this one a couple of times to digest and enjoy it, with each read it just got better and better. I'm sure many will be able to relate to this one mate... Sow a thought reap a whirlwind. Brilliant!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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I had to read this one a couple of times to digest and enjoy it, with each read it just got better and better. I'm sure many will be able to relate to this one mate... Sow a thought reap a whirlwind. Brilliant!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thanks, Hitch! Not everyone liked this one - a bit too different for some. I'm glad you liked it, mate, and I knew you'd pick up the theme.
Been trying to figure a way to get you a signed copy of Bran - I haven't forgotten, so watch this space!
Mike
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I'd love it mate, watching, for sure! (.)(.)
[]
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Comment from djsaxon
Interesting. Satire maybe, but a dark journey nonetheless. I like the internal rhyme in the first line of each 'stanza' but run into trouble with "to demonstrate this vicious hate". It seems to belong to the previous line. I initially thought maybe capitalize the "To..." but that doesn't work either. I am in all sorts of strife with the use of "fervently" - ardent eager, glowing, loving etc. Similarly "emancipated" seems to contradict the sense of entrapment that pervades the entire piece. Dammit. Am I missing the point, or what? DJ
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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Interesting. Satire maybe, but a dark journey nonetheless. I like the internal rhyme in the first line of each 'stanza' but run into trouble with "to demonstrate this vicious hate". It seems to belong to the previous line. I initially thought maybe capitalize the "To..." but that doesn't work either. I am in all sorts of strife with the use of "fervently" - ardent eager, glowing, loving etc. Similarly "emancipated" seems to contradict the sense of entrapment that pervades the entire piece. Dammit. Am I missing the point, or what? DJ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Hi DJ. I was using enjambment there, so a sentence straddles multiple stanzas. It stands out a little in this piece because it's the only instance. The structure here is less important than the content. You can be fervently zaelous in a misguided belief just as you can in love, and the ghost's dreams are emancipated because they have been given form in vitriolic anger. Emancipation, again, is a neutral word, not necessarily a positive freeing.
I hope that makes sense!
Mike
Comment from Chris Tee
Mike my friend,
This poem is indeed extremely thought provoking and has a message in it that I like. Well done with an excellent job here old chap.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Mike my friend,
This poem is indeed extremely thought provoking and has a message in it that I like. Well done with an excellent job here old chap.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thanks so much, Chris. The unusual structure hasn't been to everyone's taste, but it felt fitting for this piece.
Mike
Comment from WLHall
Mike, yeah at first I thought it was a message for your wife. Oh, that would not have gone over well, I'm afraid! I always have to look up a word or two with your poems, but that's ok, I learn something. Your word choices are strong and it flowed well with the use of 8 syllables then 6 syllables and then 10 syllables in each stanza. Is that a certain kind of poem or did you just decide to use this pattern? Seems to work well. Don't know how you do it, just amazes me.
Blessings, Wanda
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Mike, yeah at first I thought it was a message for your wife. Oh, that would not have gone over well, I'm afraid! I always have to look up a word or two with your poems, but that's ok, I learn something. Your word choices are strong and it flowed well with the use of 8 syllables then 6 syllables and then 10 syllables in each stanza. Is that a certain kind of poem or did you just decide to use this pattern? Seems to work well. Don't know how you do it, just amazes me.
Blessings, Wanda
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Wanda :-). Yeah, I hope I'm not petty enough to air my dirty linen on Fanstory! I wrote the second-last stanza on a whim, and the syllable structure came naturally, so I decided to us it and write a more complete piece around that.
I'm thrilled you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from Joan E.
Your title and picture are attention grabbers. I admired your ethereal and thought-provoking poem. I particularly liked your "shroud" and "dreams" metaphors. -Joan
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Your title and picture are attention grabbers. I admired your ethereal and thought-provoking poem. I particularly liked your "shroud" and "dreams" metaphors. -Joan
Comment Written 27-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Joan - I'm so glad you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from sgalletti
Dear Mike! This poem was FABULOUS! "Please take a break my dear"...I did! And, I breathed. You are, indeed, a comfort for my mind...with no lies or twisted truths. That is why I "promoted" you...I count on you for that....Hugs and loves (you have no idea how much this poem means to me), Sue
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Dear Mike! This poem was FABULOUS! "Please take a break my dear"...I did! And, I breathed. You are, indeed, a comfort for my mind...with no lies or twisted truths. That is why I "promoted" you...I count on you for that....Hugs and loves (you have no idea how much this poem means to me), Sue
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thanks so much, Sue. Misunderstanding is the root of so much pain, and it's a terribly human trait to act or react without thinking. Not everyone liked this piece - the unusual structure and enjambment have thrown a few readers.
Mike
Comment from Sasha
I love the artwork you chose to go with this one. It is stunning. Marvelous poem about the inability to see the truth even when it is right in front of you. Very, very nice work with this one.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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I love the artwork you chose to go with this one. It is stunning. Marvelous poem about the inability to see the truth even when it is right in front of you. Very, very nice work with this one.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much - I knew you'd see the purpose of this piece :-).
Mike
Comment from Deejharrington
Too many people are so focused on what they think is being "done" to them, they can't see reality. They don't want to hear the truth, only what will reassure them of their view of the world. I feel sorry for these individual's therapists or spouses. Well done.
deb
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Too many people are so focused on what they think is being "done" to them, they can't see reality. They don't want to hear the truth, only what will reassure them of their view of the world. I feel sorry for these individual's therapists or spouses. Well done.
deb
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Deb. Sometimes, one feels helpless when talking to someone who's full of righteous ire. They won't believe you, no matter how reasonable your explanation, and their immediate assumption of your meaning becomes an obvious truth to them. Thank you for getting the message :-).
Mike
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my pleasure
deb
Comment from guinea
Good job. I thought it was powerful. Any one who will listen to lies I think sometimes want something to believe in. This flowed nicely.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Good job. I thought it was powerful. Any one who will listen to lies I think sometimes want something to believe in. This flowed nicely.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Guinea - I'm glad you enjoyed and read into my piece :-).
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
Your title has me intrigued
Love the photo
Excellent internal line in eyes are blind to lies and look at me as if you see and in the rest of your opening lines
excellent alliteration and assonance in please;please
excellent use of enjambment to enhance your flow
good alliteration in before that breath
Compelling expression of intense emotion
Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Your title has me intrigued
Love the photo
Excellent internal line in eyes are blind to lies and look at me as if you see and in the rest of your opening lines
excellent alliteration and assonance in please;please
excellent use of enjambment to enhance your flow
good alliteration in before that breath
Compelling expression of intense emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 26-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Brooke :-). This one hasn;t been to everyone's taste, but I fell in love with the unusual structure and had to write a poem around it (I wrote the second-last stanza first).
Mike