Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Tapestry"A collection of poems on these themes
25 total reviews
Comment from Sally Carter
Steve, I am so far behind with my message box that I only just discovered this one.
What a pleasure to read! Surely deserving of a 6, but my cupboard is bare.
I confess I did not go through and check all the word orders - I trust you enough to know you would get it right - and I didn't want to spoil my enjoyment of the poem by picking it to pieces.
Very, very well done. I have written one of these, so I know how challenging they are.
You have managed to produce natural lines that work well together, and don't sound contrived just to fit the form. I specially liked the imaginative use of "strand" to incorporate the images of beach and ocean.
Some good thoughts, too, on the roles of light and dark in every aspect of our lives.
I had vowed to myself that I would try and write another of these, but the effort of the last one seems to have rendered my brain a bit shell shocked, and I just can't think of a suitable subject to write about. I hope reading this will breathe new life into my weary imagination.
Great job, and a pleasure to read.
Kind regards
Sally
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Steve, I am so far behind with my message box that I only just discovered this one.
What a pleasure to read! Surely deserving of a 6, but my cupboard is bare.
I confess I did not go through and check all the word orders - I trust you enough to know you would get it right - and I didn't want to spoil my enjoyment of the poem by picking it to pieces.
Very, very well done. I have written one of these, so I know how challenging they are.
You have managed to produce natural lines that work well together, and don't sound contrived just to fit the form. I specially liked the imaginative use of "strand" to incorporate the images of beach and ocean.
Some good thoughts, too, on the roles of light and dark in every aspect of our lives.
I had vowed to myself that I would try and write another of these, but the effort of the last one seems to have rendered my brain a bit shell shocked, and I just can't think of a suitable subject to write about. I hope reading this will breathe new life into my weary imagination.
Great job, and a pleasure to read.
Kind regards
Sally
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Sally.
I started writing this after reading your 'Dust', then got a bit bogged down - seemed to be going in circles rather than making forward progress.
Picked it up again a few times but took a long time to get there, especially last stanza and envoi. Am now telling myself that if I ever write another I will start with the envoi - it was tough trying to work all six words in there naturally.
Have seen that rhymed sestinas have been done and also humorous ones - that would be something I might like to attempt...
Steve
Comment from Gungalo
And when sweet death ties off the threads
the swirling tapestry will tell
an epic story, bright and dark.
in equal measure. Each rich strand
contributes part to life's full dance.
Complete, the web of life unfolds.
This was wonderful Steve and especially since it was your
first one. Bravo.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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And when sweet death ties off the threads
the swirling tapestry will tell
an epic story, bright and dark.
in equal measure. Each rich strand
contributes part to life's full dance.
Complete, the web of life unfolds.
This was wonderful Steve and especially since it was your
first one. Bravo.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thank you - just trying something different from my usual light stuff.
Steve
Comment from artemis53
This is beautiful and it is difficult for me to start. "As day needs night, so light needs dark;" that is a core belief of mine. Life is not that easy-"Tangled threads are woven strand by gleaming strand." You've summed it up exquisitely, "for none can tell us how to dance; our choice of dark or light unfolds."
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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This is beautiful and it is difficult for me to start. "As day needs night, so light needs dark;" that is a core belief of mine. Life is not that easy-"Tangled threads are woven strand by gleaming strand." You've summed it up exquisitely, "for none can tell us how to dance; our choice of dark or light unfolds."
Comment Written 14-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
This is such a challenging form - I applaud you for taking it on at all, and you have done a great job with it
It is not easy to maintain the pattern and still have everything sound unforced and natural
lovely detail - I love the visual of the scuttling crabs, for instance
nice touches of alliteration like in sands are streaked
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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This is such a challenging form - I applaud you for taking it on at all, and you have done a great job with it
It is not easy to maintain the pattern and still have everything sound unforced and natural
lovely detail - I love the visual of the scuttling crabs, for instance
nice touches of alliteration like in sands are streaked
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Brooke - this was certainly challenging and took longer than my usual slapdash efforts.
Steve
Comment from Selestia
This is a lovely form and I like the repetition of words, such as "light" and "dark". And the poem beautifully describes life, using a tapestry metaphor.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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This is a lovely form and I like the repetition of words, such as "light" and "dark". And the poem beautifully describes life, using a tapestry metaphor.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thank you!
Comment from pRINCEssStar
Hello there...
it seems many have really enjoyed
your poem however i am one
that believes written can always
be improved .. good effect
thank you for the read
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Hello there...
it seems many have really enjoyed
your poem however i am one
that believes written can always
be improved .. good effect
thank you for the read
Comment Written 13-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Hi and welcome to FanStory - hope you enjoy it here.
It would be customary if you find fault with someone's work to say what it was you didn't like or better yet give constructive criticism as to how it could be improved.
'written can always be improved' seems to prove itself!
Thank you.
Steve
Comment from snemes
This is a very good poem about standing back and looking at the big picture. I thought it was a great idea to compare life to a rich tapestry. But look again; each dazzling strand is matched by one of sober dark. Complete, the web of life unfolds. Great depiction of the complexity of life.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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This is a very good poem about standing back and looking at the big picture. I thought it was a great idea to compare life to a rich tapestry. But look again; each dazzling strand is matched by one of sober dark. Complete, the web of life unfolds. Great depiction of the complexity of life.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thanks for the review and the generous stars.
Steve
Comment from juliedickson55
Nice image and a very interesting format, the sestina.
Thanks for the explanation on the form, to help understand it.
Many interesting lines you've used:
"As day needs night, so light needs dark"
"when sweet death ties off the threads"
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Nice image and a very interesting format, the sestina.
Thanks for the explanation on the form, to help understand it.
Many interesting lines you've used:
"As day needs night, so light needs dark"
"when sweet death ties off the threads"
Comment Written 13-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Julie, thanks for the review and the generous stars.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This sestina is quite a feat, but you seem to have pulled it off, Steve. I really like the picture. I think you made a good choice there. and the words in your verses match so well. Giddy
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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This sestina is quite a feat, but you seem to have pulled it off, Steve. I really like the picture. I think you made a good choice there. and the words in your verses match so well. Giddy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Giddy - it was a challenge!
Steve
Comment from Glasstruth
A wonderful sestina which I became suspicious of as I read it. Sounded familiar. Wrote one myself, but its not nowhere as good as yours. Yours flows beautifully telling a story. Thanks for sharing your weave of tales. Les
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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A wonderful sestina which I became suspicious of as I read it. Sounded familiar. Wrote one myself, but its not nowhere as good as yours. Yours flows beautifully telling a story. Thanks for sharing your weave of tales. Les
Comment Written 12-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thank you - I guess the idea is not new. Glad you found a story in it - I wondered myself whether it was too airy-fairy and would have liked more story.
Steve