Don't be bulldozed by family
When a family member manipulates28 total reviews
Comment from sunao
I am glad that I came across this article. My mother's sister likes to give me advice. But there was this one time where I told her that I did not need her advice anymore and that I am already old enough and know what to do with my life and she told me that I am a bad girl. Just because I did not agree with her. I felt bullied and intimidated. I felt as if she was threatening me because she even told me that if I fight with her she will always win. Therefore, I am planning to leave her house. I can't take it anymore!! Thanks once again.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
I am glad that I came across this article. My mother's sister likes to give me advice. But there was this one time where I told her that I did not need her advice anymore and that I am already old enough and know what to do with my life and she told me that I am a bad girl. Just because I did not agree with her. I felt bullied and intimidated. I felt as if she was threatening me because she even told me that if I fight with her she will always win. Therefore, I am planning to leave her house. I can't take it anymore!! Thanks once again.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Sunao, thanks so much for reading, commenting and rating my essay, it means so much to me! About your Aunt, first you must tell yourself that you are NOT a bad girl and then FORGIVE your Aunt for whatever misery she has caused you. Be sure you are clear about those two things. Then buy a small spiral back pad, one you can carry in your purse, and write down the things you want for your life. Be honest and specific. This is not a wish list. This is a biblical principle, whether or not you believe in G-d. If you decide you want to become something, a doctor or nurse; it may mean you need to go back to school, depending on what you want to do with your life. So it is imperative you are serious about what you are jotting down in your note pad. Try to find time to revisit what you've written at least once daily. There may be times you will need to do minor revisions, but your overall vision should stay the same. Soon when your Aunt, or anyone else, says negative things, you will have built a defense mechanism, and their words can't hurt you. This Aunt apparently sees what she perceives as a weakness, so build up your strength by creating the future YOU want. Remember, for all of us, whatever we do starts first, in the mind, with a single idea. You can do anything you set your mind to if you keep it focused on that one thing. I wish you peace and fulfillment.
Comment from squid152
I never to deal with family politics and hand me downs because I am an only child. This prose sounded very much like a self help book.-Gary
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
I never to deal with family politics and hand me downs because I am an only child. This prose sounded very much like a self help book.-Gary
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Gary! I don't know whether or not you're lucky to have circumvented the cunning machinations of dysfunctions clans, but you probably are more mentally balanced than a lot of us who must withstand the constant drama most families are capably of. Dossie
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there Lady
I have to tell you, this mirrored my life early on with my family (I am the baby with 6 older sisters) They all tried to run my life until at 27 I said enough. I stayed away for 30 years. Dumb move two died during that time. I wish I had those years back, but my resolve is still the same. I really associated well with this one
Bear
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
Hey there Lady
I have to tell you, this mirrored my life early on with my family (I am the baby with 6 older sisters) They all tried to run my life until at 27 I said enough. I stayed away for 30 years. Dumb move two died during that time. I wish I had those years back, but my resolve is still the same. I really associated well with this one
Bear
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Glen Bear Smith! I am also the youngest in the family that had seven boys before me. There are at least two that have caused a lot of heartaches for me, so I speak from experience in this one. Thanks so much for the visit and leaving such an enlightening review!
Comment from Spiritual Echo
I may offend you with my answer and if I do, take warning, it includes offensive language, but it articulates how I found autonomy in my own life. Now, I really didn't have to do that with my small family, they already knew I could be offensive. But in the business world, where people actually had the time to annoy me or used their status as a weapon I treated them with a provocative shock value.
At forty, I learned how to say no...and gave no reason or excuse.
At fifty, I told people I didn't care...and meant it. There are only so many bleeding hearts in the world without me threatening my own cardiac health.
At sixty, I learned how to tell people to fuck off...and meant it, although why I was steering them towards pleasure, I'll never know.
Now that I am waffling between certain death and qualifying every breath, I welcome the do-gooders into my home...Go ahead...do my laundry...feed me.
Good luck with your own challenges.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
I may offend you with my answer and if I do, take warning, it includes offensive language, but it articulates how I found autonomy in my own life. Now, I really didn't have to do that with my small family, they already knew I could be offensive. But in the business world, where people actually had the time to annoy me or used their status as a weapon I treated them with a provocative shock value.
At forty, I learned how to say no...and gave no reason or excuse.
At fifty, I told people I didn't care...and meant it. There are only so many bleeding hearts in the world without me threatening my own cardiac health.
At sixty, I learned how to tell people to fuck off...and meant it, although why I was steering them towards pleasure, I'll never know.
Now that I am waffling between certain death and qualifying every breath, I welcome the do-gooders into my home...Go ahead...do my laundry...feed me.
Good luck with your own challenges.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
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Spiritual Echo, after laughing out loud and for a while, I reflected on some of what you've said, and I am in awe of your liberation. You show how liberating it can be to know yourself and are true to your core beliefs. I think I like what you learned at 60+. Thanks again for this awesome review and the generous rating. I was not offended - I got some valuable advice, which I will certainly use in the future. I wish everybody could read your comments!! Be blessed....
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Just as an after thought, if I live that long to hit seventy, I'm convinced that I will learn selective hearing...huh? seems less offenive than my other language. ingrid
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I like you Ingrid; there seems to be too few with honest characteristics like yours these days. Be blessed. Dossie
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
This is a well written and unusal article. I enjoyed reading your well developed script wich was easy to write and needs no orrections. Mary
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
This is a well written and unusal article. I enjoyed reading your well developed script wich was easy to write and needs no orrections. Mary
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Mary Ann, I'm delighted you liked this one. I have such an element in my family and he's a pain.
Comment from Misrael
Excellent! I have thought that way for a long time but never really tried to do much because I was always met with resistance. Great job and keep on writing.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
Excellent! I have thought that way for a long time but never really tried to do much because I was always met with resistance. Great job and keep on writing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Mistael. I'm delighted you liked this one. I have such an element in my family and he's a pain.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
An interesting essay of suggestions concerning how to handle manipulative family members. I'm sure this will come in handy for many readers. Well done. :) nancy
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
An interesting essay of suggestions concerning how to handle manipulative family members. I'm sure this will come in handy for many readers. Well done. :) nancy
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Nancy. I'm delighted you liked this one. I have such an element in my family and he's a pain.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Titanx9,
This is quite an original piece I've found on FanStory. Many folks write about family matters in the form of abstract poetry, etc., but you are just putting it out there as plain as day. I think your essay is well constructed as well as informative.
On a lighter note, the best way to get along with relatives in a dysfunctional family is to move out of state, lol.
Regards,
Lou
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
Hi Titanx9,
This is quite an original piece I've found on FanStory. Many folks write about family matters in the form of abstract poetry, etc., but you are just putting it out there as plain as day. I think your essay is well constructed as well as informative.
On a lighter note, the best way to get along with relatives in a dysfunctional family is to move out of state, lol.
Regards,
Lou
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Louise! I appreciate your encouraging comments, they are greatly appreciated. I have such an element in my family and he's a pain in the behind. Peace!
Comment from ameen786
Dossie my friend, this is so true, this should resonate with many readers, these characters are quite common in the Asian/African cultures and I was surprised when I realized that it isn't any different even in western cultures; you provide sound guidance in this wonderful essay; thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
Dossie my friend, this is so true, this should resonate with many readers, these characters are quite common in the Asian/African cultures and I was surprised when I realized that it isn't any different even in western cultures; you provide sound guidance in this wonderful essay; thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
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Thanks, ameen786. I appreciate your encouraging comments, they are greatly appreciated. I have such an element in my family and he's a pain in the behind.
Comment from jjstar
Hey there,
Another informative and great write. The information you offer is completely true. It is always best to set boundaries and follow through..just like a classroom! Thanks again for this!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
Hey there,
Another informative and great write. The information you offer is completely true. It is always best to set boundaries and follow through..just like a classroom! Thanks again for this!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
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Thanks, you are good for my ego! I am always delighted when something I write resonates with a reader, especially an excellent writer such as yourself. I appreciate your review and the rating!
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You're so welcome..and me? An excellent writer???***blushing*** I don't know that..I try though! Thank you so much for the compliment...
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You are and you're welcome! Have a good night!