Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Nama Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
This is an interesting and well written story. I think I may try to follow it. It held my attention and that's saying something for a story that I first saw in the middle. I almost never start in the middle of a story.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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This is an interesting and well written story. I think I may try to follow it. It held my attention and that's saying something for a story that I first saw in the middle. I almost never start in the middle of a story.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Hi, Judy. Thank you so much for this very gracious review. I'm honored that you took the time to read the chapter. I know what you mean about coming into the middle of a story :0)
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Morning, Bev-san
You've really well developed your prose writing skills! I'm
impressed with this chapter and how you have developed
interesting dialogue. The insertions of nuances that help
define the characters are well done, often times subtle, and
always effective.
Congratulations on being selected as a nominee for book
of month contest! Good luck in the booth.
Ray
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2013
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Good Morning, Bev-san
You've really well developed your prose writing skills! I'm
impressed with this chapter and how you have developed
interesting dialogue. The insertions of nuances that help
define the characters are well done, often times subtle, and
always effective.
Congratulations on being selected as a nominee for book
of month contest! Good luck in the booth.
Ray
Comment Written 01-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2013
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Ray, you honor me by both your words and generosity. Thank you for noticing my skills are developing. I can really attest to that when I look back at my earler efforts. Classes and great reviewers make all the difference. Thank you for being so encouraging.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bev. Your chapter has a good crime/mystery feel to it, no doubt. I'll bet you read a lot of it as I do. My fave,Elmore Leonard just passed last week,dammit! I'd give you six stars but I have none left.
Suggestions:
"and exited the car. (got out is fine)
"several clumsy attempts at seduction." (picking him up)
"News Anchor Danika Martin's car came into view" (rolled into the lot)
"Father Brian has solid alibis for the times of the murder."
(Leave off "for the times of the murders"
Readers are smart, Bev, as you know. You have to keep things simple and don't steer them in any direction too much. Like when I read...and it's constantly, I want to be surprised and figure things out for myself. Don't you?"
Great job overall. I can see why you are up for BOM. Bob
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2013
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Hi, Bev. Your chapter has a good crime/mystery feel to it, no doubt. I'll bet you read a lot of it as I do. My fave,Elmore Leonard just passed last week,dammit! I'd give you six stars but I have none left.
Suggestions:
"and exited the car. (got out is fine)
"several clumsy attempts at seduction." (picking him up)
"News Anchor Danika Martin's car came into view" (rolled into the lot)
"Father Brian has solid alibis for the times of the murder."
(Leave off "for the times of the murders"
Readers are smart, Bev, as you know. You have to keep things simple and don't steer them in any direction too much. Like when I read...and it's constantly, I want to be surprised and figure things out for myself. Don't you?"
Great job overall. I can see why you are up for BOM. Bob
Comment Written 28-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2013
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Hi, Bob. Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions. I've heard/read so many times that, as you say, readers like to make their own conclusions. Much appreciate your gracious and generous review!
Warmest regards, Bev
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:) Bob
Comment from Christof McTarnahan
Granite Mountin....(typo)
gong of a bell...(A gong is a bell, not a sound.)
you even hint this...(doesn't work here)
Mechanics were solid. Decent story, plods along a bit.Your serial killer didn't scare me. Anal penetration and eye gouging are so... eighties(Richard Ramirez, Henry Lee Lucas and Otis Toole.)If you were to put an eyeball in the anus for example, that might jiggle a few goiters.Overall a good chunk of words.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2013
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Granite Mountin....(typo)
gong of a bell...(A gong is a bell, not a sound.)
you even hint this...(doesn't work here)
Mechanics were solid. Decent story, plods along a bit.Your serial killer didn't scare me. Anal penetration and eye gouging are so... eighties(Richard Ramirez, Henry Lee Lucas and Otis Toole.)If you were to put an eyeball in the anus for example, that might jiggle a few goiters.Overall a good chunk of words.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2013
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Interesting review. Thanks for stopping by.
Comment from God's Writer
It has been quite awhile since I have read any of your work. I really miss your professionally written story. I find your writing not only to be a treat, but a wonderful refreshing story. Thank you
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2013
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It has been quite awhile since I have read any of your work. I really miss your professionally written story. I find your writing not only to be a treat, but a wonderful refreshing story. Thank you
Comment Written 25-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2013
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Hi, Erick. Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I'm off to check out what you've been up to, my friend.
Your encouragement is really appreciated!
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Cornelius2000
Splendid chapter of your novel. Skeets is such a likable character, as opposed to Danika who comes across as a bitch and a snob. The tension between them really makes the chapter work. Nice job.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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Splendid chapter of your novel. Skeets is such a likable character, as opposed to Danika who comes across as a bitch and a snob. The tension between them really makes the chapter work. Nice job.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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Hi, Dave. Thanks so much for your gracous and encouraging review. I really appreciate your time and interest! :0) Bev
Comment from Showboat
I love your voice, I really do, but the second paragraph had me howling, and I just had a tooth pulled and am NOT supposed to do that.
..."And if you choose to accept the mission, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your existence - Mission Impossible...." Oh, man, I love it.
Glass-shattering voice! Oh, man, now there's a description of a voice we've all heard - and run from!
Skeets! Still love that name.
'Tis a full on sixer, no doubt about it. A total pleasure to read.
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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I love your voice, I really do, but the second paragraph had me howling, and I just had a tooth pulled and am NOT supposed to do that.
..."And if you choose to accept the mission, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your existence - Mission Impossible...." Oh, man, I love it.
Glass-shattering voice! Oh, man, now there's a description of a voice we've all heard - and run from!
Skeets! Still love that name.
'Tis a full on sixer, no doubt about it. A total pleasure to read.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 24-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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Gayle, thank you for your awesome review. I'm glad you appreciated my little 'sidebar' with the doggie lady. And, as always, a six from a writer of your talent is pure bliss. Thanks, my friend, from the heart. Hugs, Bev
Comment from gene roush
This is very good.
I'm enjoying the story's intrigue.
It seems to me that there are times that you don't have confidence enough in your talent."Dammit, I said to keep it low-key, Danika.
Skeets shook his head in disapproval."
I don't think the second sentence is necessary, but if you think it adds to his character description, perhaps "
"Dammit",Skeets shook his head, "I said to keep it low-key, Danika." might flow better
You're a talented writer.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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This is very good.
I'm enjoying the story's intrigue.
It seems to me that there are times that you don't have confidence enough in your talent."Dammit, I said to keep it low-key, Danika.
Skeets shook his head in disapproval."
I don't think the second sentence is necessary, but if you think it adds to his character description, perhaps "
"Dammit",Skeets shook his head, "I said to keep it low-key, Danika." might flow better
You're a talented writer.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
Comment Written 23-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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I like your suggestion, Gene. I absolutely questions my abilities at times. But the real reason the line is written a 'backwards', is that I tend to be somewhat dyslexic in my speech patterns. I've been fortunate to have reviewers who point out those situations because I really don't recognize them until someone points them out. Thanks for the great review. I appreciate it.
Bev
Comment from conroy11
A well-written scene which moves the plot forward with a back and forth, give-and-take conversation over lunch. I like the way you keep the air of tension between reporter and detective at a high pitch. The dialogue flows smoothly between the two characters who are both wary, yet respectful of each other. A fine piece of writing that made me feel as if I was sitting in the booth right behind them.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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A well-written scene which moves the plot forward with a back and forth, give-and-take conversation over lunch. I like the way you keep the air of tension between reporter and detective at a high pitch. The dialogue flows smoothly between the two characters who are both wary, yet respectful of each other. A fine piece of writing that made me feel as if I was sitting in the booth right behind them.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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What a great review, conroy. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter. Your comments and generosity are very much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from vickib
Hi Bev!
I know I've missed so many chapters but I wanted to read this in general. I'm so impressed with your skill here. I can visualize the scene at the restaurant perfectly. I think that takes talent. I would be terrified to attempt this. You sure know how to set the stage. It would have to take some planning to proceed from chapter to chapter that's for sure. You also use great economy packing lots of info into this chapter. I think why you are interested in haibun too. It teaches you that. Smooth reading Bev. How fun to write your own mystery. Great job.
XO
Vicki
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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Hi Bev!
I know I've missed so many chapters but I wanted to read this in general. I'm so impressed with your skill here. I can visualize the scene at the restaurant perfectly. I think that takes talent. I would be terrified to attempt this. You sure know how to set the stage. It would have to take some planning to proceed from chapter to chapter that's for sure. You also use great economy packing lots of info into this chapter. I think why you are interested in haibun too. It teaches you that. Smooth reading Bev. How fun to write your own mystery. Great job.
XO
Vicki
Comment Written 23-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2013
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Hiya, Vicki. I really do think that my love of poetry and the fact I follow so many poets has helped to shape my writing in subtle ways. Thanks for acknowledging that. I hope you are enjoying the haibun class. I'm gonna be looking forward to reading some of your beautiful writing now, y'know.
Thanks so much for the great review and support, buddy. You're the best.
Hugs, Bev
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Doin homework right now. One haibun done, working on #2. Where's yours missy? Lol! Send one to me.
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Oh, gosh, Vicki. You'll be waiting a long time for a haibun from me. I'm just trying to figure out how to wrap up my novel pretty soon here LOL. xxxOOO Bev
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Ok I'll let you off the hook. I'd say finishing a novel is a lot more important. Then what? Are you going to publish it? What's your plans for it? So exciting and quite the accomplishment and LOTS of HARD work. Right?
So proud of you! I remember when we first started here fresh.