The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "A New Beginning"Love Among the Thorns
31 total reviews
Comment from alexgeorge
This story has a distinct feel of a movie, like the quality movies we used to watch back in the 80's, the black and white ones, and even some of the 70's movies.
What a sweet story, amahra, skillfully executed like a director orchestrating cameras, actors, sound and visuals--ACTION!
They had sex those days???? Just kidding :)
That's very naughty of Nate, and a bit unfair on Eva. The sex scenes were great.
Ah, oh, this won't go down well, especially after she's ridden his fleshy pole ;)
And not forgetting the ride they took together: Eva, a golden Palomino, Nathan, the rider heading into the glorious sun!!!!
Hehe.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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This story has a distinct feel of a movie, like the quality movies we used to watch back in the 80's, the black and white ones, and even some of the 70's movies.
What a sweet story, amahra, skillfully executed like a director orchestrating cameras, actors, sound and visuals--ACTION!
They had sex those days???? Just kidding :)
That's very naughty of Nate, and a bit unfair on Eva. The sex scenes were great.
Ah, oh, this won't go down well, especially after she's ridden his fleshy pole ;)
And not forgetting the ride they took together: Eva, a golden Palomino, Nathan, the rider heading into the glorious sun!!!!
Hehe.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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I know it's corny...the Palomino, bit. But anything spicier and some of my readers would had a hissy fit. LOL Anyway, thank you so much for going back and reading chapter 10. Did you say a TV movie, I'm flattered.
Comment from Gooloom
Very well written story about the heartbreaks and tragedies of a real war--first world war. Even the pigeon story was worth reading along with the two love affairs. Suffering from battle fatigue it is surprising how Nate has the strength to have sexual contacts with 2 women. what will happen when Eva knows he wants to marry grace?? I want gto know also. very well written story. gooloom
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Very well written story about the heartbreaks and tragedies of a real war--first world war. Even the pigeon story was worth reading along with the two love affairs. Suffering from battle fatigue it is surprising how Nate has the strength to have sexual contacts with 2 women. what will happen when Eva knows he wants to marry grace?? I want gto know also. very well written story. gooloom
Comment Written 11-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2013
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Thank you Gooloom.
Comment from Darkhorse555
from the picture falling in your words sewn together a delight in reading a really beautiful heart warming piece of writing i enjoyed the vision
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2013
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from the picture falling in your words sewn together a delight in reading a really beautiful heart warming piece of writing i enjoyed the vision
Comment Written 10-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2013
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thank you so much for the review.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
A wonderful love story without all the sloppy workmanship. Your writing is impeccable and I really appreciate that in a writer. Also you truly bring the story to life.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2013
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A wonderful love story without all the sloppy workmanship. Your writing is impeccable and I really appreciate that in a writer. Also you truly bring the story to life.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2013
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Thank you Mr + Mrs Happy Poet for this fine review.
Comment from marijmd
Wait! why if he loves Grace - why by the way overcame alot after the forced kiss in the closet! - Why would he sleep with Eva? Just a man thing?
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2013
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Wait! why if he loves Grace - why by the way overcame alot after the forced kiss in the closet! - Why would he sleep with Eva? Just a man thing?
Comment Written 10-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2013
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LOL! He's a complex character. He's not all good or all bad. He's got issues. What can I say. But thanks marijmd, for hanging in there.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
CONSIDER: "...hailing an armistice meant to end the war.
"...and knew the price THAT both had paid.
Deserves a six but I've run out. No obvious SPAG or POV. The interactions are adroitly exposed and the transitions smooth.
Well done. Keep chapters shorter/split=more reviews.
Regards:
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2013
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CONSIDER: "...hailing an armistice meant to end the war.
"...and knew the price THAT both had paid.
Deserves a six but I've run out. No obvious SPAG or POV. The interactions are adroitly exposed and the transitions smooth.
Well done. Keep chapters shorter/split=more reviews.
Regards:
Comment Written 09-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2013
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Thank you Stephen. The others will be shorter.
Comment from fafa
Realy you ´ve done a good chapter, now i need too read the others chapters for understand your novel.
thanks for a great read. I realy enjoyed this piece of novel.
Very best wish. bye
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Realy you ´ve done a good chapter, now i need too read the others chapters for understand your novel.
thanks for a great read. I realy enjoyed this piece of novel.
Very best wish. bye
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Thank you fafa for stopping by.
Comment from pickthorn
This story is well written with great dialogue. I loved the pigeon story. Pigeons were used extensively by both sides during that war to communicate messages. I feel sorry for Eva, she will soon lose the love of her life.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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This story is well written with great dialogue. I loved the pigeon story. Pigeons were used extensively by both sides during that war to communicate messages. I feel sorry for Eva, she will soon lose the love of her life.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Yes, I'm debating what to do with her. Thank you for reviewing my story.
Comment from GangGreen
This work has great potential - written against the back drop of the end of the first world war, it follows the romance between a nurse, Grace, and a solider, Nathan. As the chapter goes on other characters are introduced, who the reader knows will provide interesting contributions to the unfolding story line. Social attitudes of the time are explored, such as Nathans relationship with his servant, Pete, and his previouse mistress, Eva. The dialogue between the characters in the family scenes is very natural and endearing. The love scene is sensitively handled. The discription of Nathan telling the pidgeon story is very realistic and I felt as if I were there listening with the twins. It is one of the chapters strongest points, so I wouldn't shorten this bit because it's were the reader gets their truest glimpse of Nathan's real character - a point really where he is at his free'est and most natural (so far). If this chapter needs shortening, don't edit this bit. The story also features some facinating historical facts which adds a sense of realism. Good luck with this ambitious project. GanGreen
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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This work has great potential - written against the back drop of the end of the first world war, it follows the romance between a nurse, Grace, and a solider, Nathan. As the chapter goes on other characters are introduced, who the reader knows will provide interesting contributions to the unfolding story line. Social attitudes of the time are explored, such as Nathans relationship with his servant, Pete, and his previouse mistress, Eva. The dialogue between the characters in the family scenes is very natural and endearing. The love scene is sensitively handled. The discription of Nathan telling the pidgeon story is very realistic and I felt as if I were there listening with the twins. It is one of the chapters strongest points, so I wouldn't shorten this bit because it's were the reader gets their truest glimpse of Nathan's real character - a point really where he is at his free'est and most natural (so far). If this chapter needs shortening, don't edit this bit. The story also features some facinating historical facts which adds a sense of realism. Good luck with this ambitious project. GanGreen
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Well, I don't think I've had such an in depth review like this in a long time. Thank you for saying potential; I know I haven't arrived at being great at this stage of my writing. But with reviews such as this, I hope I shall. Blessings to you, my dear.
Comment from JM daSilva
Did Nathan kill someone? That wasn't clear to me. What happened at the end? Not clear either. The pigeon story was great.
Spag suggestions:
Nathan walked off(,) smiling, allowing his beloved her precious moment.
You can't separate the subject from the predicate with a comma.
The eerie absence of conflict that had so defined him for nearly a year(remove ,) was now pushing him into a future of uncertainty. The one thing he was sure of(remove ,) was Grace's love.
All over the world on November 11, 1918, people were celebrating, dancing in the streets, drinking champagne, and hailing the armistice that meant the end of the war.
All over the world on November 11, 1918, people celebrated and danced in the streets, drinking champagne and hailing the armistice that meant the end of the war.
Months later, after returning to the States, his first stop was to join Grace at her home in Ohio(,) where she lived with her parents.
Her light(remove ,) brown hair lay waved down her back with several locks draped across one breast.
Besides Grace, George and Mary(,) Nevers had two older children, William and Lawrence.
William and Lawrence Nevers, along with their wives, where(were) the last to arrive.
"He's just jealous 'caused(cause) I'm better looking," Lawrence answered, extending his hand as well. "And let me present my lovely half."
Nod head is a tautology
"Mrs. Nevers." Nathan said, nodding (remove his head) to her.
"Alright(,) you two. I don't want you contaminating my beau," Grace said, interrupting. She
The journey home was long and bittersweet. Nate was excited(remove ,) but couldn't shake the horrors of the war(,which) that were branded in his brain.
But first, he had to greet Eva (,)who flew into his arms and smacked multiple kisses all over his face.
"Mr. Nate, it sho' is good to see you, Sir,(sir)" Pete said, extending his gloved hand.
When the men parted, Pete was misty(-) eyed.
"I appreciate that, Sir (sir); but around other white folks I'm going to have to call you Mr. Pete entertained them with joking and (by) singing funny folk songs he'd learned as a boy. He let them off at Eva's house(,) where Nathan could bathe and put on his dress uniform.
After pushing him gently onto his back, she messaged(massaged) his penis until it appeared to nearly triple its size.
There is a hyphen when it's before the noun
"Wow," Ella said, wide-eyed (wide eyed).
the aroma of home-made(homemade) pies, the twins' giggles and the "good old" taste of
"Oh no(,) Ellie.
They picked up his leg(,which) that was totally detached now, with the message still fastened
"Okay(,) time to go to sleep," he gently ordered. Ellie jumped into her own bed. Nathan
Names are not pluralized with apostrophes
Waiting downstairs, Eva hugged and thanked the Koren's (Korens) for a wonderful evening.
Her friend concluded that it was quite possible(,) and if Nate decided to talk, she should be
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Did Nathan kill someone? That wasn't clear to me. What happened at the end? Not clear either. The pigeon story was great.
Spag suggestions:
Nathan walked off(,) smiling, allowing his beloved her precious moment.
You can't separate the subject from the predicate with a comma.
The eerie absence of conflict that had so defined him for nearly a year(remove ,) was now pushing him into a future of uncertainty. The one thing he was sure of(remove ,) was Grace's love.
All over the world on November 11, 1918, people were celebrating, dancing in the streets, drinking champagne, and hailing the armistice that meant the end of the war.
All over the world on November 11, 1918, people celebrated and danced in the streets, drinking champagne and hailing the armistice that meant the end of the war.
Months later, after returning to the States, his first stop was to join Grace at her home in Ohio(,) where she lived with her parents.
Her light(remove ,) brown hair lay waved down her back with several locks draped across one breast.
Besides Grace, George and Mary(,) Nevers had two older children, William and Lawrence.
William and Lawrence Nevers, along with their wives, where(were) the last to arrive.
"He's just jealous 'caused(cause) I'm better looking," Lawrence answered, extending his hand as well. "And let me present my lovely half."
Nod head is a tautology
"Mrs. Nevers." Nathan said, nodding (remove his head) to her.
"Alright(,) you two. I don't want you contaminating my beau," Grace said, interrupting. She
The journey home was long and bittersweet. Nate was excited(remove ,) but couldn't shake the horrors of the war(,which) that were branded in his brain.
But first, he had to greet Eva (,)who flew into his arms and smacked multiple kisses all over his face.
"Mr. Nate, it sho' is good to see you, Sir,(sir)" Pete said, extending his gloved hand.
When the men parted, Pete was misty(-) eyed.
"I appreciate that, Sir (sir); but around other white folks I'm going to have to call you Mr. Pete entertained them with joking and (by) singing funny folk songs he'd learned as a boy. He let them off at Eva's house(,) where Nathan could bathe and put on his dress uniform.
After pushing him gently onto his back, she messaged(massaged) his penis until it appeared to nearly triple its size.
There is a hyphen when it's before the noun
"Wow," Ella said, wide-eyed (wide eyed).
the aroma of home-made(homemade) pies, the twins' giggles and the "good old" taste of
"Oh no(,) Ellie.
They picked up his leg(,which) that was totally detached now, with the message still fastened
"Okay(,) time to go to sleep," he gently ordered. Ellie jumped into her own bed. Nathan
Names are not pluralized with apostrophes
Waiting downstairs, Eva hugged and thanked the Koren's (Korens) for a wonderful evening.
Her friend concluded that it was quite possible(,) and if Nate decided to talk, she should be
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Did he kill someone?! OMG! I don't even know how to answer that.
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I didn't get it.