Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Lost for Words"Poems written using the pantoum form
38 total reviews
Comment from poesyapprentice
I am not usually a fan of repeated line poems (just ask Gungalo, lol), but I agree with your notes that this is the perfect form to use with the topic! I work with the elderly and the write rang true. Great job!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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I am not usually a fan of repeated line poems (just ask Gungalo, lol), but I agree with your notes that this is the perfect form to use with the topic! I work with the elderly and the write rang true. Great job!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2013
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Many thanks for your review and kind comments!
Comment from amada
Wow! If i ever dare to learn Pantoum I will come to you dear friend. Each one of these pieces are just a piece of art, the repetitions, just at the very precise time. What I can say.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Wow! If i ever dare to learn Pantoum I will come to you dear friend. Each one of these pieces are just a piece of art, the repetitions, just at the very precise time. What I can say.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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You are very kind! I appreciate your comments and stars very much!
Comment from webfoot
this is a wonderful poem depicting "losing one's mind" in a very engaging way
I especially liked "Like ancient leaves that fall from trees
My thoughts are lost."
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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this is a wonderful poem depicting "losing one's mind" in a very engaging way
I especially liked "Like ancient leaves that fall from trees
My thoughts are lost."
Comment Written 30-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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You are very kind! I appreciate your comments and stars very much!
Comment from Debra White
Hi Tony, this pantoum really struck a chord with me.
My grandfather has dementia and I often wonder what is going on his mind as he struggles to engage now. There is definitely something going on inside though, as his eyes still hold a lot of expression.
I write about his condition and my experiences of visiting with him (which I do weekly) but to read something that could be from his point of view is a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing this one. I wish I had 6stars left for you... Kindest regards, Debra
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Hi Tony, this pantoum really struck a chord with me.
My grandfather has dementia and I often wonder what is going on his mind as he struggles to engage now. There is definitely something going on inside though, as his eyes still hold a lot of expression.
I write about his condition and my experiences of visiting with him (which I do weekly) but to read something that could be from his point of view is a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing this one. I wish I had 6stars left for you... Kindest regards, Debra
Comment Written 30-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your lovely comments, Debra. I know how dreadfully difficult it is watching someone's mind gradually being stolen away from them and my heart goes out to you.
Comment from ravenblack
I did not read your author notes and immediately thought, what a perfect topic for a pantoum, the repetition and back track of lines akin to forgetting , repeating and stumbling over thoughts/words. I was going to ask if you decided on dementia as a topic strictly as a perfect fit for the form, but you beat me to the punch. Great execution.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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I did not read your author notes and immediately thought, what a perfect topic for a pantoum, the repetition and back track of lines akin to forgetting , repeating and stumbling over thoughts/words. I was going to ask if you decided on dementia as a topic strictly as a perfect fit for the form, but you beat me to the punch. Great execution.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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I very much appreciate your review and generous 6-star rating. Thanks!
Comment from Rondeno
I've said it before - you're the Master of the pantoum. Here, you've taken it to another level: the repeated lines call to mind the repetitions of a person whose thoughts are scrambled. Clever stuff!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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I've said it before - you're the Master of the pantoum. Here, you've taken it to another level: the repeated lines call to mind the repetitions of a person whose thoughts are scrambled. Clever stuff!
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Michael. The subject was a good fit for the form in this one.
Comment from teafor2
tfawcus--Another of those challenging formats that seem to lend itself to a
particular pairing of title and theme. I totally agree with the author and his
notes... the meshing, melding, enfolding and rotating of these deliberate
phrases aptly depict and mimic the devastating characteristics and nuances
of this debilitating illness. Well done, albeit sad facts poetically rendered. teafor2.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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tfawcus--Another of those challenging formats that seem to lend itself to a
particular pairing of title and theme. I totally agree with the author and his
notes... the meshing, melding, enfolding and rotating of these deliberate
phrases aptly depict and mimic the devastating characteristics and nuances
of this debilitating illness. Well done, albeit sad facts poetically rendered. teafor2.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your thoughtful review, Teafor2. Much appreciated.
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You are welcome.
Comment from kenni
Another excellent pantoum, both describing and imitating dementia. I see you're headed towards the biggie: the villanelle. They're similarly built and I don't see any problem; you've mastered this form. I can't wait to see what you do. kenni
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Another excellent pantoum, both describing and imitating dementia. I see you're headed towards the biggie: the villanelle. They're similarly built and I don't see any problem; you've mastered this form. I can't wait to see what you do. kenni
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Thanks for your kind words, Kenni. I'm still trying to come to grips with the villanelle!
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You'll do excellent, I know. I'm only wondering what your topic will be. I'm going to fan you and try not to miss anything.
Comment from mfowler
I agree with your notes. Before reading them, I read it thinking this was a great way to describe muddle. The imagery eg ancient leaves, is lovely but the roll over lines creates the rhythm of confusion. This is a clever idea. Another great pantoum from Tony.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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I agree with your notes. Before reading them, I read it thinking this was a great way to describe muddle. The imagery eg ancient leaves, is lovely but the roll over lines creates the rhythm of confusion. This is a clever idea. Another great pantoum from Tony.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Many thanks.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
I agree that the form lends itself perfectly to the theme of your poem - senile dementia. Someone afflicted with any form of dementia has trouble with words: words don't come to mind when needed most, but instead . . .
"They fluster like a flock of birds
Unravel what I've said again"
You turn a grievous symptom of dementia into the healing music of poetry - real poetry. Carefully chosen images, flock of birds, falling ancient leaves, bring beauty to the poem; the images speak of disappearance - the poem summons
compassion from the reader.
I have no sixes - which will be a problem from time to time because, you are an excellent poet and I see now where every poem you write will be deserving of the exceptional rating. Elly
"They fluster like a flock of birds
My mind's a shell I have outgrown"
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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I agree that the form lends itself perfectly to the theme of your poem - senile dementia. Someone afflicted with any form of dementia has trouble with words: words don't come to mind when needed most, but instead . . .
"They fluster like a flock of birds
Unravel what I've said again"
You turn a grievous symptom of dementia into the healing music of poetry - real poetry. Carefully chosen images, flock of birds, falling ancient leaves, bring beauty to the poem; the images speak of disappearance - the poem summons
compassion from the reader.
I have no sixes - which will be a problem from time to time because, you are an excellent poet and I see now where every poem you write will be deserving of the exceptional rating. Elly
"They fluster like a flock of birds
My mind's a shell I have outgrown"
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thank you so much for another lovely review, Elly! You are a real tonic for the ego! I'm having a bit of fun with a couple of villanelles at the moment. Nothing too serious though! Need more of these wretched member cents to float them off shore.
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Oh, I know about the member dollars - I work so hard to build up a bunch and use it all on one poem in order to get exposure and critiques. ;)