Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Onuni Moon"Murder Mystery
45 total reviews
Comment from DonandVicki
I really enjoyed the chapter but I was really impressed with your knack for character development and holding the readers attention all the way through the story. Don
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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I really enjoyed the chapter but I was really impressed with your knack for character development and holding the readers attention all the way through the story. Don
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, D&V. I've really worked to improve my writing since joining this site four years ago. Thank you for the compliment because that's been an area I've, especially, striven to improve. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Dirus
Hi there,
Nice job on this one. Spooky picture, but good. All grammar and dialog looks well. Good structure. Keep up the good work and thank you for the good read. :)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Hi there,
Nice job on this one. Spooky picture, but good. All grammar and dialog looks well. Good structure. Keep up the good work and thank you for the good read. :)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Thank you, much, Dirus. I appreciate your stopping by to read my chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Joan E.
Your artwork selection drew us back into the mood of this suspenseful story. I continue to enjoy your use of Sioux terms to add to the realism. You deftly wove in the sub-plots of complicated, romantic relationships and Jana's grandmother's health and hospital experience. Well done! You know if I had a sixth star, it would be yours. Many hugs- Joan
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Your artwork selection drew us back into the mood of this suspenseful story. I continue to enjoy your use of Sioux terms to add to the realism. You deftly wove in the sub-plots of complicated, romantic relationships and Jana's grandmother's health and hospital experience. Well done! You know if I had a sixth star, it would be yours. Many hugs- Joan
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Hi, Joan. Thank you so very much for this wonderfully generous and encouraging review. The situation between Jana and the other cops is such a tough one, because careers could be on the line - despite how Hollywood often portrays it. Your virtual six is icing on the cake of this awesome review. Happy Valentine's Day! Bev
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Yes, happy Valentine's Day, and thank you for telling the true story of police experiences and relationships. Cheers- Joan
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You're welcome, Joan. xxx Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Been waiting here with baited breath.
Her gaze moved across to where an old gent lay with his eyes closed and mouth open. His breath came out in soft puffs.( A sharp familiar image in so few words)
Rick stiffened upright, and Jana felt an immediate remorse. Her utter failure to verbalize how tenuous a line she walked between gratuitous respect and the real deal was a big, ugly slash across their partnership
You have captured here the essence of an uncertainty in what may or may not develop into a relationship. It is easy to relate to Jana's fear of taking it a step further, not ready to commit.
He bustled from the room, and Jana turned her attention to Roberta. Though young, she exuded quiet confidence. Jana suspected Dr. Palmer recognized his flawed bedside manner and left people like Roberta behind to clean up the messes
You nailed this one. I have seen it first hand and often these physicians are among the most highly skilled. I have a couple of theories about that.
Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Been waiting here with baited breath.
Her gaze moved across to where an old gent lay with his eyes closed and mouth open. His breath came out in soft puffs.( A sharp familiar image in so few words)
Rick stiffened upright, and Jana felt an immediate remorse. Her utter failure to verbalize how tenuous a line she walked between gratuitous respect and the real deal was a big, ugly slash across their partnership
You have captured here the essence of an uncertainty in what may or may not develop into a relationship. It is easy to relate to Jana's fear of taking it a step further, not ready to commit.
He bustled from the room, and Jana turned her attention to Roberta. Though young, she exuded quiet confidence. Jana suspected Dr. Palmer recognized his flawed bedside manner and left people like Roberta behind to clean up the messes
You nailed this one. I have seen it first hand and often these physicians are among the most highly skilled. I have a couple of theories about that.
Another great chapter.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Dallas. I especially appreciate all the time you took to point out areas you liked. I wondered if others could appreciate my own experience with doctors, and I've had several acknowledge they've received the same treatment. I tried to be kind by calling it lack of bedside manner. But, like you, I've got other ideas about it too.
I really appreciate so much your continued support and your generosity.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Bev
Comment from smudge
This is a well written story. The descriptive passages are excellent and the dialogue is good. A well presented post with excellent artwork.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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This is a well written story. The descriptive passages are excellent and the dialogue is good. A well presented post with excellent artwork.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, smudge. :0) Bev
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Your welcome
Comment from misscookie
Another great chapter. as a always you had my attention all the way. Wow, the more I read the more I want to kept on.
There is never a dull moment and theses stories are not my thing.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Another great chapter. as a always you had my attention all the way. Wow, the more I read the more I want to kept on.
There is never a dull moment and theses stories are not my thing.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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What a compliment, Miss Cookie. Thank you so much for both your generosit and encouragement. Hugs, Bev
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You're very welcome, until next time,
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. Well, this sure kept me reading. It is a well done detective story. i always wonder about bodies in the freezer, guess those old tub freezers must be good for something:-)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Hello. Well, this sure kept me reading. It is a well done detective story. i always wonder about bodies in the freezer, guess those old tub freezers must be good for something:-)
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you, P, for this very generous and encouraging reivew! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Connie C
I'm glad you explained in your author's notes what kit'A referred to. I was reading through the chapter and enjoying it until I got to that last word and was thrown--at least until I read your notes. As usual, Bev, your writing is flawless. I think I'd want to read your novel again someday in its entirety when it is published. I sometimes have to look back or think hard about what happened last. Your notes at the beginning of each chapter indicating what happened previously is really helpful, so I am glad you are doing that.
Great job, my friend!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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I'm glad you explained in your author's notes what kit'A referred to. I was reading through the chapter and enjoying it until I got to that last word and was thrown--at least until I read your notes. As usual, Bev, your writing is flawless. I think I'd want to read your novel again someday in its entirety when it is published. I sometimes have to look back or think hard about what happened last. Your notes at the beginning of each chapter indicating what happened previously is really helpful, so I am glad you are doing that.
Great job, my friend!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Connie. I have to read my past chapters sometimes myself. Your support and encouragement is always appreciate, my friend.
:0) Bev
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Well, it makes me feel better knowing that you, the author, has to sometimes go back as well. I don't think I would ever have the patience to write a novel, so hats off to you, my friend!
Comment from GWinterwin
Very good detective story here, words to keep the reader interested and wondering what's coming next. Good conversion between cops as they do their job.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Very good detective story here, words to keep the reader interested and wondering what's coming next. Good conversion between cops as they do their job.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Hi, GW. Thanks so much for your generous and encouraging review.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Jana is sure going to have some issues to work through. i really feel sorry for here. I am enjoying reading this story and saw nothing that needs to be altered, You did a good job with this post.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Jana is sure going to have some issues to work through. i really feel sorry for here. I am enjoying reading this story and saw nothing that needs to be altered, You did a good job with this post.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Barbara, thanks so much for the great review. Yes, Jana -- the whole Team, in fact -- are going to be facing a different kind of challenge for the average cop!