Writing Prompt Entries 2014
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "In Shadow"The clue is in the title!
11 total reviews
Comment from in777wr#
This was a well written poem. The poem reads well. Your 5-7-5 syllable count is in good order. Your message is very clever, and flows well. Nice job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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This was a well written poem. The poem reads well. Your 5-7-5 syllable count is in good order. Your message is very clever, and flows well. Nice job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you for your lovely feedback :) I appreciate it! Kindest regards, Debra
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
The joys of having a sibling that is better at something than you are. I think anyone with a sibling can relate to this. Great job and good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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The joys of having a sibling that is better at something than you are. I think anyone with a sibling can relate to this. Great job and good luck in the contest
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much for your lovely comments and good luck wishes! I appreciate both :) Kindest regards, Debra
Comment from victor 66
A very nice poem indeed. So much honesty in so few words is quite a marvel. I would think there are very few people who cannot relate to some degree. Thank you and best wishes.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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A very nice poem indeed. So much honesty in so few words is quite a marvel. I would think there are very few people who cannot relate to some degree. Thank you and best wishes.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you victor 66 for your lovely feedback and best wishes. I really do appreciate it :) Kindest regards...
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You are welcome.
Comment from BeasPeas
Your senryu is "deeper" than the others, which are more frivolous. It gives food for thought. Your words may mean something different to each reader. In each family, one child feels as if he/she is not recognized, a la the Smothers Brothers syndrome--"Mom always liked you better."
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Your senryu is "deeper" than the others, which are more frivolous. It gives food for thought. Your words may mean something different to each reader. In each family, one child feels as if he/she is not recognized, a la the Smothers Brothers syndrome--"Mom always liked you better."
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you BeasPeas for your great response to my senryu -It's my first attempt :) I'm glad it got you thinking! Kindest regards...
Comment from Ben Colder
Could be a winner poet. I never found anything wrong with this short poem,. Golden Child. Ain't they all ? Luck in the contest. Shalom.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Could be a winner poet. I never found anything wrong with this short poem,. Golden Child. Ain't they all ? Luck in the contest. Shalom.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you Ben for your great feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both :) Kindest regards...
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this, but senryu should be short long short, your last two lines are six syllables each. you can fix that by making it I'm left in shadows. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this, but senryu should be short long short, your last two lines are six syllables each. you can fix that by making it I'm left in shadows. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Hi Sweetwoodjax :) Thank you for your encouraging review and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! I checked the syllable count and this is what I have...
Though tarnished, (3 syllables)
golden child dazzles proud parents, (8 syllables)
leaving me in shadow. (6 syllables)
Kindest regards...:)
Comment from tfawcus
This short poem portrays sibling rivalry with its clever use of different shades of colour both in the words themselves and in your presentation of them. How often one child feels left in the shade by favouritism extended to another.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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This short poem portrays sibling rivalry with its clever use of different shades of colour both in the words themselves and in your presentation of them. How often one child feels left in the shade by favouritism extended to another.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you Tony for your great feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards...
Comment from chicken scratch love
I gather this to be a sibling rivalry of some sorts? Excellent little Sinryu.
I think the layout was pretty good for this too. I sensed the cynical snuffing of this; a dose of jealousy and a dash of envy with a topping of acceptance ; )
Well done! Thanks for the share and GOOD LUCK!
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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I gather this to be a sibling rivalry of some sorts? Excellent little Sinryu.
I think the layout was pretty good for this too. I sensed the cynical snuffing of this; a dose of jealousy and a dash of envy with a topping of acceptance ; )
Well done! Thanks for the share and GOOD LUCK!
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you CSL for your great feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both :) You got everything out of this that I'd hoped! Kindest regards...
Comment from Domino 2
I had to think about this one, which is a good thing.
My interpretation, though maybe wrong, is another child is jealous of the new one and feels they may become second best to him/her in the eyes of the parents.
Very interesting and clever write.
Good luck, Ted
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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I had to think about this one, which is a good thing.
My interpretation, though maybe wrong, is another child is jealous of the new one and feels they may become second best to him/her in the eyes of the parents.
Very interesting and clever write.
Good luck, Ted
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you Ted for your great feedback. I appreciate it and your interpretation was more or less what I meant! :) Kindest regards...
Comment from RodG
This senyru tells quite a story in a few syllables about a child who lives in his/her sibling's shadow. We learn that the "golden child" may not be as perfect as the parents think, but actually somewhat "tarnished" (great choice of words to go with the "golden" image). We detect more envy in the Speaker than perhaps truth; nevertheless, this story is all too commonplace. Nicely told.
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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This senyru tells quite a story in a few syllables about a child who lives in his/her sibling's shadow. We learn that the "golden child" may not be as perfect as the parents think, but actually somewhat "tarnished" (great choice of words to go with the "golden" image). We detect more envy in the Speaker than perhaps truth; nevertheless, this story is all too commonplace. Nicely told.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you Rod for your great feedback. I appreciate it :) You exactly 'got' where I was coming from with this one - so pleased you did! Kindest regards...