Love Note
Bird 5-7-511 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
I love the words of your poem, but the contest asks for a 5/7/5 and you have produced a 4/9/6 syllable count. I gave Avian three syllables, but it could be two, but your count is still out. Maybe you have time to correct - I hope so. Regards Dorothy - I would be happy to upgrade if you manage to correct. D
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I love the words of your poem, but the contest asks for a 5/7/5 and you have produced a 4/9/6 syllable count. I gave Avian three syllables, but it could be two, but your count is still out. Maybe you have time to correct - I hope so. Regards Dorothy - I would be happy to upgrade if you manage to correct. D
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you for enagaging with this little poem and for the useful suggestions zanya
Comment from Leineco
A blackbird trills
His fluted warble in note so shrill
Avian courtship mores
I like how the break in rhyme defines the implied ; at the end of the second line and causes a slight emphasis on "so shrill" :-)
and I think the final line summation is a perfect wrap up.
Nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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A blackbird trills
His fluted warble in note so shrill
Avian courtship mores
I like how the break in rhyme defines the implied ; at the end of the second line and causes a slight emphasis on "so shrill" :-)
and I think the final line summation is a perfect wrap up.
Nicely done :-)
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thnnk you for this encouraging review zanya
Comment from harmony13
Excellent contest entry. The poem flows and connects well.
The author's words are creative and descriptive. The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem. The reader pondered on this poem.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Excellent contest entry. The poem flows and connects well.
The author's words are creative and descriptive. The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem. The reader pondered on this poem.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I am simply delighted with this review zanya
Comment from ennahanid
I love this whole presentation of yours but I am not sure it can be classified as a 5-7-5. I apologize if I am mistaken. Great picture choice for your super words - Dinah
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I love this whole presentation of yours but I am not sure it can be classified as a 5-7-5. I apologize if I am mistaken. Great picture choice for your super words - Dinah
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you indeed for this review zanya
Comment from barleygirl
The first two lines of your poem are so artfully stated & fresh, but the last line loses a little something as it goes from showing thru imagery, to telling thru a more cerebral explanation of the scenario. The second line is very original & vivid in describing the sounds. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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The first two lines of your poem are so artfully stated & fresh, but the last line loses a little something as it goes from showing thru imagery, to telling thru a more cerebral explanation of the scenario. The second line is very original & vivid in describing the sounds. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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I am delighted with this review zanya
Comment from Sylvia Page
A black-bird trills /4
His flu-ted war-ble in note so shrill/9
Av-ian court-ship mores /5
This is a lovely poem about the black bird and would have stood a place but for the syllable count, which isn't a 5-7-5
black-bird trills his mate/5
flu-ted war-ble note so shrill/7
Av-ian court-ship mores /5
All the best
Sylvia
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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A black-bird trills /4
His flu-ted war-ble in note so shrill/9
Av-ian court-ship mores /5
This is a lovely poem about the black bird and would have stood a place but for the syllable count, which isn't a 5-7-5
black-bird trills his mate/5
flu-ted war-ble note so shrill/7
Av-ian court-ship mores /5
All the best
Sylvia
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you for this review zanya
Comment from Righteous Riter
a blackbird trills
his fluted warble in note so shrill
Avian courtship mores
Good complimentary photo. The syllable count is 4-9-6. I think this is supposed to be a 5-7-5. Good alliteration with so/shrill. Clear message that is short and simple. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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a blackbird trills
his fluted warble in note so shrill
Avian courtship mores
Good complimentary photo. The syllable count is 4-9-6. I think this is supposed to be a 5-7-5. Good alliteration with so/shrill. Clear message that is short and simple. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you for this review zanya
Comment from Starlit Ink
You picked a blackbird which was very fitting for this contest. The picture with its mouth open enhances the poem nicely. I like the sound imagery of the shrill note high in the tree. This is excellent, so good luck.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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You picked a blackbird which was very fitting for this contest. The picture with its mouth open enhances the poem nicely. I like the sound imagery of the shrill note high in the tree. This is excellent, so good luck.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you for this encouraging review zanya
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a good poem but it is not in correct form. The contest calls for a 5-7-5. Your syllable counts are 4-9-6.
Teresa
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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This is a good poem but it is not in correct form. The contest calls for a 5-7-5. Your syllable counts are 4-9-6.
Teresa
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you for this review zanya
Comment from lakeport
Love note, indeed birds can sure make wonderful sound, that's a very nice expressed 5/7/5 poem, good luck at the contest. God bless you. lakeport,
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Love note, indeed birds can sure make wonderful sound, that's a very nice expressed 5/7/5 poem, good luck at the contest. God bless you. lakeport,
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2014
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Thank you for reading and reviewing zanya
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your welcome,Lakeport.