Erotic Addiction
A man can become addicted to anything30 total reviews
Comment from Eunice Amero
Very good story. Just I don't use the Lord's name in any of mine. You did a very good job. I will read the other part. Its awful to want someone and realize you can't have can't have them. Keep up the good work.
  |
Very good story. Just I don't use the Lord's name in any of mine. You did a very good job. I will read the other part. Its awful to want someone and realize you can't have can't have them. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 15-May-2021
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Lancellot,
I like that you opened with dialogue because it grabs the reader's attention. One suggestion - I would end the quote with said Jake and then add he looked at his co-worker.
This is a very erotic story, presented with the right amount of description and realistic dialogue.
Nicely done,
Lou
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
|
Hi Lancellot,
I like that you opened with dialogue because it grabs the reader's attention. One suggestion - I would end the quote with said Jake and then add he looked at his co-worker.
This is a very erotic story, presented with the right amount of description and realistic dialogue.
Nicely done,
Lou
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much, Lou. Good idea.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
INtriguing story. Is this a continuation of a previous one? Sounds like it. But I suppose that's no reason not to enter it in a contest, since it's complete as it is. Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
|
INtriguing story. Is this a continuation of a previous one? Sounds like it. But I suppose that's no reason not to enter it in a contest, since it's complete as it is. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much. Yes, it is part two to "Is It Okay". I am finishing the last part now.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A well written story about sexual attraction. Yes, sex can certainly be addictive as can pornography. Best of luck in the contest~Debbie
|
A well written story about sexual attraction. Yes, sex can certainly be addictive as can pornography. Best of luck in the contest~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
Comment from Fillmore Paige
This succeeds with excellent narrative flow and imagery that brings the reader right into the steam bath on several levels. It's a story one wants to keep reading to see what happens next, badge of success for any story.
|
This succeeds with excellent narrative flow and imagery that brings the reader right into the steam bath on several levels. It's a story one wants to keep reading to see what happens next, badge of success for any story.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
Comment from Gloria ....
Love the title of the massage parlour, it sounds benign, if not positively angelic which I think in the end it was. Merciful Hands Massages.
I think this is a wonderfully erotic story, Lance. The lovemaking was described most eloquently and subtly although much was alluded to we know exactly what they were doing and it was exciting.
Very, very well written.
Gloria
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
|
Love the title of the massage parlour, it sounds benign, if not positively angelic which I think in the end it was. Merciful Hands Massages.
I think this is a wonderfully erotic story, Lance. The lovemaking was described most eloquently and subtly although much was alluded to we know exactly what they were doing and it was exciting.
Very, very well written.
Gloria
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much, Gloria
Comment from buzclick
You gave yourself a true challenge. I found your work to be exceptional in its storytelling. Li Song would be Korean, I believe, could be wrong.
Fine story, I liked it very much.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
|
You gave yourself a true challenge. I found your work to be exceptional in its storytelling. Li Song would be Korean, I believe, could be wrong.
Fine story, I liked it very much.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from adewpearl
Your opening makes it clear how pleasing this happy ending massage was for Jake and how guilty and tempted he is
As they walked toward the massage rooms, - add comma
you convey the degree of his desire well as he goes from worrying about her maxing out his card to his not caring if his credit is ruined or not
hormone-soaked mind - add hyphen
Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
|
Your opening makes it clear how pleasing this happy ending massage was for Jake and how guilty and tempted he is
As they walked toward the massage rooms, - add comma
you convey the degree of his desire well as he goes from worrying about her maxing out his card to his not caring if his credit is ruined or not
hormone-soaked mind - add hyphen
Brooke
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much, Brooke.
Comment from Twilightspire
This was an amazing story. So much different than your normal tales and I loved it! Every bit of the description was perfect, from the work distractions to the night at the parlor, it all flowed nicely. The romance was done with incredible flair and plausible, not a thing that seemed stretched or unbelievable.
Wonderful job with this one.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
|
This was an amazing story. So much different than your normal tales and I loved it! Every bit of the description was perfect, from the work distractions to the night at the parlor, it all flowed nicely. The romance was done with incredible flair and plausible, not a thing that seemed stretched or unbelievable.
Wonderful job with this one.
-T.J.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much. After the first part of Jake and Li Song's tale I had to be careful not to give too much away, before the final third part.
Comment from daeneam
Damn! I hate this kind of story nowadays. I hate married men fooling around... I hate whore activities! I hate everything in this! But I managed to read the entire story. 'Shit is all I can say.
But not because your story is crap. No! I just happen to feel the betrayal my husband did. I almost kill him! Reading this rekindled the rage I feel. I'm sorry!.
men capable of ruining the love and trust their wives gave them. That despite of the dedication and support they get - still - they betrayed them. Ah, I'm very sorry for my violent reaction.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
|
Damn! I hate this kind of story nowadays. I hate married men fooling around... I hate whore activities! I hate everything in this! But I managed to read the entire story. 'Shit is all I can say.
But not because your story is crap. No! I just happen to feel the betrayal my husband did. I almost kill him! Reading this rekindled the rage I feel. I'm sorry!.
men capable of ruining the love and trust their wives gave them. That despite of the dedication and support they get - still - they betrayed them. Ah, I'm very sorry for my violent reaction.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
-
Thank you. you know there are no married people in this tale, and really no whores either. that will come out in part 3 this week.
-
sorry for the advance reaction, lol! Anyway, that's how I concluded because in my country massage parlors are usually prostitution den. You are supposed to be massaging but not having sex with the customer.