Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Abandoned"A collection of poems on these themes
109 total reviews
Comment from Pyrrho
I had to have a look once I check your bio and discovered you had a winner. I admire you craft with both rhyme and meter. Such is not a talent easily learned.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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I had to have a look once I check your bio and discovered you had a winner. I admire you craft with both rhyme and meter. Such is not a talent easily learned.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks!
Steve
Comment from Sonjalee
Dark as lonely seagulls crying is a wonderful phrase to start and weep the wind across the bay...The verse continues with beautiful words.
The rhyming scheme perfect and the poem flows. When I read it allowed the words fell off my tongue magically.
The content , both dramatic and sad, is wonderful,
This poem stands out and shouts I am a 6!!
And I agree !
I can't think of anything I would change
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Dark as lonely seagulls crying is a wonderful phrase to start and weep the wind across the bay...The verse continues with beautiful words.
The rhyming scheme perfect and the poem flows. When I read it allowed the words fell off my tongue magically.
The content , both dramatic and sad, is wonderful,
This poem stands out and shouts I am a 6!!
And I agree !
I can't think of anything I would change
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014
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Someone's been digging in my portfolio!
Thanks for the lovely review - yes, I tried to create that rather mournful word-picture. Glad to hear you felt I succeeded. If you have the perseverance to dig further you will find that I tend towards the more cheerful and comedic, so this one was a little out of character.
Steve
Comment from bokeh
I especially like the first three stanzas: your imagery is strong and beckons the emotions. Technically, the trochaic is metronome-like, not an easy task. Solid rhyme scheme, creative alliteration and word choice. I really enjoyed reading this work aloud. Superb.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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I especially like the first three stanzas: your imagery is strong and beckons the emotions. Technically, the trochaic is metronome-like, not an easy task. Solid rhyme scheme, creative alliteration and word choice. I really enjoyed reading this work aloud. Superb.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thanks for the kind words - good to know someone is still finding the high spots in my portfolio.
Steve
Comment from judy.gordon
Wonderful imagery. I had to read it several times to see the whole desolate picture created when your love never returned. You have a pleasing way with words that create powerful pictures.I would like to be one of your fans.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Wonderful imagery. I had to read it several times to see the whole desolate picture created when your love never returned. You have a pleasing way with words that create powerful pictures.I would like to be one of your fans.
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
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Hi again, Judy, and thanks for the review and the six stars.
I seem to be in a slightly desolate groove at the moment - I am halfway through another piece for the quatrain contest and it has taken a similar turn with a good dollop of surrealism added in.
The more fans the merrier - the easiest way is to go to my profile - just use the kiwisteveh link on this reply - and you should see the 'become a fan link' on the page.
Steve
PS I will certainly take a look at the start of your book - keep writing
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I would like you to review my 1st chapter of a new fantasy called, Quest for the Sacred Stones. I have shortened it considerably. Thank you. I hope you like it.
Comment from Deborah Marie
Beautifully written contest entry. Congratulations on your win. Clever use of wording and photo. Just love your rhythming. Keep 'em coming, Deb
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2014
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Beautifully written contest entry. Congratulations on your win. Clever use of wording and photo. Just love your rhythming. Keep 'em coming, Deb
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Deb
Sadly the really good ones don't pop up all that often - I'll have a word to my muse about it.
Steve
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
At last you have cracked it and in a fashion that could leave no doubt as to who wrote the best. This is quite spectacular, my friend,. Wonderful flow of enjambment, really great alliteration. Glad I wasn't in it to be truly humbled.
Congrats.
Best regards
Reg
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2014
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Dear Steve,
At last you have cracked it and in a fashion that could leave no doubt as to who wrote the best. This is quite spectacular, my friend,. Wonderful flow of enjambment, really great alliteration. Glad I wasn't in it to be truly humbled.
Congrats.
Best regards
Reg
Comment Written 25-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Reg.
I actually dropped the bridesmaid tag a while ago - this is the third one of these I've picked up this year - not quite enough to make a career out of but not bad pocket money....
And yes, this one felt like a winner...
Steve
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Steve
Absolutely brilliant. A well deserved winner. I've been off-line and missing so much great work.
I love the metaphors and personification ..... your words capture every sense of loneliness and abandonment. Great double entendre with your title, abandoned cottage ... abandoned love.
Your quatrains tell the story, have excellent rhyme and full of wonderful imagery. Excellent poetic technique with the allit., consonance and assonance ... your poem arouses the senses and evokes strong emotions. Well considered phrasing and in the unique style which is all your own.
"Ceaseless sighing, rasp, claw, breakers howl and grumble,hanging drunk, tossed by stormy blaring, beauty, turned to shambles," ..... ah too many stunning phrases and power word usage ... I would have to copy and paste the entire poem. I'm so sorry I have no six ... though this is worth a ten. Beautifully done ... master craftsmanship. Poetry at its absolute best. Congratulations, I love this piece. What a talent you are. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2014
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Hi Steve
Absolutely brilliant. A well deserved winner. I've been off-line and missing so much great work.
I love the metaphors and personification ..... your words capture every sense of loneliness and abandonment. Great double entendre with your title, abandoned cottage ... abandoned love.
Your quatrains tell the story, have excellent rhyme and full of wonderful imagery. Excellent poetic technique with the allit., consonance and assonance ... your poem arouses the senses and evokes strong emotions. Well considered phrasing and in the unique style which is all your own.
"Ceaseless sighing, rasp, claw, breakers howl and grumble,hanging drunk, tossed by stormy blaring, beauty, turned to shambles," ..... ah too many stunning phrases and power word usage ... I would have to copy and paste the entire poem. I'm so sorry I have no six ... though this is worth a ten. Beautifully done ... master craftsmanship. Poetry at its absolute best. Congratulations, I love this piece. What a talent you are. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2014
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Hi, Lovinia - believe me I know how real life can come along and interrupt more worthwhile pursuits like FanStory!
Thanks so much for the great review and the virtual six (ten?!) This was one of those pieces where I just started writing whatever the meter suggested, and of course the rhyming was dictated. Then the old cottage shoved its way in and the ending wrote itself. Wish they would do that more often - I've been struggling to come up with something for the love poem contest and it just isn't happening - perhaps all the good stuff's used up for now.
.... or perhaps my head is now too big after all the high praise!
Steve
Comment from ScarletAfflictions
Oh just so beautiful. I wanted to weep. Oh, how I know the pain of this one. Oh how familiar.... Thank you for writing this piece! Spotless skill.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Oh just so beautiful. I wanted to weep. Oh, how I know the pain of this one. Oh how familiar.... Thank you for writing this piece! Spotless skill.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the very kind words and the six shiny stars - yeah, I aimed for a bit of a tear-jerker with this one.
Now why have You not taken the plunge and posted something yet?
Steve
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I'm rusty :) It's been...oh....a decade. lol.
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Time to scrape that rust off then- sounds like you have some writing experience already - no-one's going to bit you know!
Steve
Comment from RYME4U
This is very deserving of the six stars. They rhythm is beautiful and the rhymes are amazing. What descriptive imagery these well chosen words paint.The raw emotion shows through clearly. Great job!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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This is very deserving of the six stars. They rhythm is beautiful and the rhymes are amazing. What descriptive imagery these well chosen words paint.The raw emotion shows through clearly. Great job!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the great review and the six stars - I appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from zanya
Hauntingly beautiful and enchanting piece of poetry and brimming with powerful emotions 'haunting lies that taunt and brun' -superb art
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Hauntingly beautiful and enchanting piece of poetry and brimming with powerful emotions 'haunting lies that taunt and brun' -superb art
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Zanya, thanks so much for the reviw and the six stars.
Steve