The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Flies, Amazons & Ghostwriters"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
16 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
Hi Michael, boy you like those big strong burly woman...LOL...Christine, Lucy, me....LOL...just kidding...LOL...Think I could live in Bards place...doesn't sounds so bad...and I would try to guess who it is...but knowing you it could change tomorrow...LOL...know really...this is a great story...lets see where you take this one...on to the next chapter...Luff ya Linda xxoo
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Hi Michael, boy you like those big strong burly woman...LOL...Christine, Lucy, me....LOL...just kidding...LOL...Think I could live in Bards place...doesn't sounds so bad...and I would try to guess who it is...but knowing you it could change tomorrow...LOL...know really...this is a great story...lets see where you take this one...on to the next chapter...Luff ya Linda xxoo
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, the plot is successfully moving along. It is like a puzzle with floating pieces. I am having a little trouble fitting the pieces, but then again, I'm not good at riddles either.
A couple thoughts, perhaps hyphenate off the cuff, check pronoun use here - Him forbidding his two detectives, maybe it should be possessive in His forbidding. Good writing overall. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, the plot is successfully moving along. It is like a puzzle with floating pieces. I am having a little trouble fitting the pieces, but then again, I'm not good at riddles either.
A couple thoughts, perhaps hyphenate off the cuff, check pronoun use here - Him forbidding his two detectives, maybe it should be possessive in His forbidding. Good writing overall. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Um---huh--see, you brought in a sidekick. Thought you might do that. Amazon woman. My mind is focused on that poem/riddle. Something about that circle and not being to navigate the steps perplexes me. He wrote some bizarre stories. he speaks in parables but I do believe some things are based on fact. He is a strange one, must admit. Are there any family pets? A Macaw could definitely repeat some incrimidating words. No pooch or kitty? Let me know if I ever get warm. I still suspect the doctor. wackydo
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Um---huh--see, you brought in a sidekick. Thought you might do that. Amazon woman. My mind is focused on that poem/riddle. Something about that circle and not being to navigate the steps perplexes me. He wrote some bizarre stories. he speaks in parables but I do believe some things are based on fact. He is a strange one, must admit. Are there any family pets? A Macaw could definitely repeat some incrimidating words. No pooch or kitty? Let me know if I ever get warm. I still suspect the doctor. wackydo
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
really very beautifully penned most enjoyable read mikey night owl questions but, the early bird only seeks several trails to follow excellent piece dear friend
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really very beautifully penned most enjoyable read mikey night owl questions but, the early bird only seeks several trails to follow excellent piece dear friend
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Good chapter. I like that bard's moments of lucidity scare the detective more than his crazy talk. Bard's ramblings seem to have clues in them, perhaps the detective should start carrying a recorder and record them to listen to later.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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Good chapter. I like that bard's moments of lucidity scare the detective more than his crazy talk. Bard's ramblings seem to have clues in them, perhaps the detective should start carrying a recorder and record them to listen to later.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
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I am reading all of these. I just don't have much computer time to answer them. Great input as always. I usually copy and paste into word as quick as I can and then print them out so I have them on hand. Watch for a tape recorder in the next chapter. Good idea! mikey
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
That poem is worth a six on its own. This is a hugely intriguing chapter and keeps interest and entertainment at a high level. I feel involved as Tenaya questions The Bard and the manner with which she treats him is with empathy and intelligence. She senses that locked in his brain is a lot of information she needs, yet solving the jigsaw will take nerve and great wit.
You build the drama and leave the reader wanting more, especially what Lucy is to do. Real character development with the Bard ... you have him 'down pat' ... I'm amazed at how you manage to convey mental illness and yet keep him as a vital and interesting character.
Tenaya keeps true to her form, and has some instinctive trust in the Bard. Your developing plot is not mainstream, even the well worn 'kill him for his power or his money' seems fresh and alive. I think this may be your best work so far. Though I am partial to a murder mystery and a good detective in the mix. lol
I love the clues and 'hint' in the poem. Well done. A fantastic read. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
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Hi Mikey
That poem is worth a six on its own. This is a hugely intriguing chapter and keeps interest and entertainment at a high level. I feel involved as Tenaya questions The Bard and the manner with which she treats him is with empathy and intelligence. She senses that locked in his brain is a lot of information she needs, yet solving the jigsaw will take nerve and great wit.
You build the drama and leave the reader wanting more, especially what Lucy is to do. Real character development with the Bard ... you have him 'down pat' ... I'm amazed at how you manage to convey mental illness and yet keep him as a vital and interesting character.
Tenaya keeps true to her form, and has some instinctive trust in the Bard. Your developing plot is not mainstream, even the well worn 'kill him for his power or his money' seems fresh and alive. I think this may be your best work so far. Though I am partial to a murder mystery and a good detective in the mix. lol
I love the clues and 'hint' in the poem. Well done. A fantastic read. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
This is well-written and formatted. I especially like the part about the Bard's delusions, which are pretty typical for a schizophrenic, and would be expressed as he expresses them. I do wonder about the identity of the "I" in the first couple of paragraphs. Who is telling this story? Also, I found the middle of this chapter hard to follow and understand. I'm sure all of that will be cleared up in re-write.
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This is well-written and formatted. I especially like the part about the Bard's delusions, which are pretty typical for a schizophrenic, and would be expressed as he expresses them. I do wonder about the identity of the "I" in the first couple of paragraphs. Who is telling this story? Also, I found the middle of this chapter hard to follow and understand. I'm sure all of that will be cleared up in re-write.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
Comment from adewpearl
Junior's posterior - add apostrophe for possessive
excellent character development with good insight into human nature
effective use of dialogue that sounds natural and conveys attitudes and emotions well
Brooke
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Junior's posterior - add apostrophe for possessive
excellent character development with good insight into human nature
effective use of dialogue that sounds natural and conveys attitudes and emotions well
Brooke
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
Comment from Selina Stambi
Your style is fresh and feisty, Mikey. As always, a most invigorating read!
Tenaya and a cellphone made me chuckle - that's me, much to my kids' embarrassment!
Have a lovely week!
Until next time,
Sonali :)
A complet(e)ly see
Seeing is one thing(,) hearing is another
She needed to talk to Lincoln(,) (b)ut (no comma) it was
she had any clue there was anything (being) investigated
Johnathon Blackwell Junior(')s posterior(,)
that arrest and conviction. (His) forbidding his two
Lattimore Daniel DuPont(,) somehow forgotten in
Hamm's a beer refreshin'(,)Hamm's a beer resfreshin'(,) Haaaaaamms!"
but(no comma) the early bird only
but(no comma) the steps cannot
(")It could be one of many,
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Your style is fresh and feisty, Mikey. As always, a most invigorating read!
Tenaya and a cellphone made me chuckle - that's me, much to my kids' embarrassment!
Have a lovely week!
Until next time,
Sonali :)
A complet(e)ly see
Seeing is one thing(,) hearing is another
She needed to talk to Lincoln(,) (b)ut (no comma) it was
she had any clue there was anything (being) investigated
Johnathon Blackwell Junior(')s posterior(,)
that arrest and conviction. (His) forbidding his two
Lattimore Daniel DuPont(,) somehow forgotten in
Hamm's a beer refreshin'(,)Hamm's a beer resfreshin'(,) Haaaaaamms!"
but(no comma) the early bird only
but(no comma) the steps cannot
(")It could be one of many,
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
Comment from Millibrad
I'm curious to see how this tree house spying thing works out. Seems too convenient, but we shall see. I don't know whodonit, but there's plenty motive to go around.
What if another later will turns up?
This certainly had the perfect look into (the private life of) Johnathon Blackwell Senior's private and intimate life.
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I'm curious to see how this tree house spying thing works out. Seems too convenient, but we shall see. I don't know whodonit, but there's plenty motive to go around.
What if another later will turns up?
This certainly had the perfect look into (the private life of) Johnathon Blackwell Senior's private and intimate life.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014