haiku ( as compass holds sway )
Sailing through tranquil seas43 total reviews
Comment from JavaJunkie
Nice Haiku... I particularly like the line: only one sails blue. It's not initially clear what the meaning is...there is mystery in your use of color, almost as if the meaning is more feeling/abstract rather than direct/boring (Now I realize that sounds just a little bit like poetic nonsense, but it's how I take it:)
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Nice Haiku... I particularly like the line: only one sails blue. It's not initially clear what the meaning is...there is mystery in your use of color, almost as if the meaning is more feeling/abstract rather than direct/boring (Now I realize that sounds just a little bit like poetic nonsense, but it's how I take it:)
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Hah, you're absolutely correct in that assessment, JJ, there is more going on in that line than meets the eye. I can tell you this now, since I lost miserably in the contest and it no longer matters, but this entire "satori first haiku" had greater meaning. If one sets a course for their life, a goal, if you will, yet remains stationary and stagnant, then one day, those dreams will sail away, and that person will have deep regret, or become "blue".
Thanks so much again for an excellent review.
Comment from His Grayness
Dear Dean: sorry to be out of sixes...yeah...Friday! I generally don't like to read these short and sweet style of poetry. But having seen your robust talents I knew you would likely deliver something unique and that you have done. Really gripping in image and verse! Thanks, Vance
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Dear Dean: sorry to be out of sixes...yeah...Friday! I generally don't like to read these short and sweet style of poetry. But having seen your robust talents I knew you would likely deliver something unique and that you have done. Really gripping in image and verse! Thanks, Vance
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Vance. Glad you liked it. I only wish more voters had.----:>])
Comment from Writingfundimension
What an interesting contest! I think you've done a superb job with this entry, Dean. I am constantly amazed that you are as good with poetry as you are with prose, which I don't think is all that common. Well done and good luck! :) Bev
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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What an interesting contest! I think you've done a superb job with this entry, Dean. I am constantly amazed that you are as good with poetry as you are with prose, which I don't think is all that common. Well done and good luck! :) Bev
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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I don't know how common it is, Bev, nor how good at it I really am. I've yet to win one of these haiku contests, but I've attempted them several times. This one lost by a mile. I think it's time to throw in my haiku towel and just keep writing horror. That's what I do best.
Thanks very much for the review.
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Oh, don't give up, Dean. At least not if you enjoy them. I find reactions to haiku are very personal and varied. It's a strange form that people mistakenly consider easy to write. They are not.
Of course, I totally agree that you are a great horror writer :)
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That's where my passions lie, and I ain't seen a horror haiku yet, so...
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Ha, there you go :))
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your few words allow the reader to see and feel that with out any wind one cannot sail on calm sea as the compass holds its place in one spot
great visual
cheers .Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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good luck in the contest
your few words allow the reader to see and feel that with out any wind one cannot sail on calm sea as the compass holds its place in one spot
great visual
cheers .Smoothiecool
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanx!
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welcome..SC
Comment from Lulube
a poem with impact, but dig deep. Do I detect several meanings in the last line? Well I did.
thxs for your notes, they keep me in line with what is really expected with a style. I guess that's probably why I usually write in my own creation, but try to get them to work anyway. challenging.
lulube
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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a poem with impact, but dig deep. Do I detect several meanings in the last line? Well I did.
thxs for your notes, they keep me in line with what is really expected with a style. I guess that's probably why I usually write in my own creation, but try to get them to work anyway. challenging.
lulube
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanks so very much, Lulube. And you're right, there is a subtle message, so it's nice to see you read between the lines, look a bit deeper than most. Unfortunately, I think the direct approach may have worked better in this instance as it isn't doing too well in the contest.
Thanks for a great review, my friend!
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welcome, and sorry to hear about the contest but that's normal for me. lol
lulube
Comment from Quire's Gal
Hi Dean,
I see you made some changes since I first read this. I liked both versions. Effective placement of the satori in the first line.
Stunning picture as well.
Great job and good luck in the contest!
Katherine
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Hi Dean,
I see you made some changes since I first read this. I liked both versions. Effective placement of the satori in the first line.
Stunning picture as well.
Great job and good luck in the contest!
Katherine
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanx!
Comment from tfawcus
The sibilance gives a sense of the soft lapping of water in a near calm sea. The implied double sense of blue/blew enhances the idea that there is just enough breeze for steerage. In life as well, we cannot steer a compass course when in the doldrums. With this you have breathed a small puff of wind into my sails this winter morning!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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The sibilance gives a sense of the soft lapping of water in a near calm sea. The implied double sense of blue/blew enhances the idea that there is just enough breeze for steerage. In life as well, we cannot steer a compass course when in the doldrums. With this you have breathed a small puff of wind into my sails this winter morning!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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You are a very wise man, Tony. It is as if you crawled inside my head and wrote this review. I just wouldn't linger there too long if I were you...:>}
Well done, and thank you!
Comment from Winslow
Dear Dean,
Or at least lets hope that the compass holds sway. (LOL) As you gathered from my story I not much of a navigator so I hope your sailor (or is it you) relies on, can effectively use, and believes his compass.
I suppose it could be a metaphor for life also.
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Dear Dean,
Or at least lets hope that the compass holds sway. (LOL) As you gathered from my story I not much of a navigator so I hope your sailor (or is it you) relies on, can effectively use, and believes his compass.
I suppose it could be a metaphor for life also.
Good luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanks!
Comment from Jean Lutz
I live near Lake Ponchartrain, a large lake by New Orleans. There are plenty of sailboats out there. But today is a typical sultry summer day and your words and picture suit me fine and I don't even have to go outside. Best wishes with your entry.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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I live near Lake Ponchartrain, a large lake by New Orleans. There are plenty of sailboats out there. But today is a typical sultry summer day and your words and picture suit me fine and I don't even have to go outside. Best wishes with your entry.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanks!
Comment from Eternal Muse
Dean, this was very romantic and beautifully presented, with an awesome picture.
However, I didn't feel that the satori in the first line really stands on its own. Perhaps it's the "yet" before it, but I felt it's using crutches because it has a hard time standing on its own (lol). This is my opinion, every review is subjective, and I wanted to give my honest view, hope it doesn't upset you.
I love everything nautical, and this one really appeased me.
Best of luck in the booths.
Love, Y.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Dean, this was very romantic and beautifully presented, with an awesome picture.
However, I didn't feel that the satori in the first line really stands on its own. Perhaps it's the "yet" before it, but I felt it's using crutches because it has a hard time standing on its own (lol). This is my opinion, every review is subjective, and I wanted to give my honest view, hope it doesn't upset you.
I love everything nautical, and this one really appeased me.
Best of luck in the booths.
Love, Y.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thanks.
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I like the new version.
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Ha ha, well, at least one person did, LOL...
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Dean, congrats on coming second in my haiku contest. I loved your entry and in my book it is a real winner. However, you know who entered my haiku contest again and won the 5th time. Wasn't 4 enough? (lol)
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Yeah, my sentiment exactly....:>(
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and to continue the thought, check out my recent Sunset prompt...
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Will do, although I'm nearly broke now from losing contests I've entered. I may have enough to get in.
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Oh, no - that prompt is full - but guess who reserved a spot?
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Yeah, I saw that. But, hey, why not? Her funny money coffers are overflowing.