lune (the bee)
ouch...32 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
A cheerful and fun response to this prompt. I've been nature's "lunch" many a time. It made me wince to read your last line! Very well done.
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A cheerful and fun response to this prompt. I've been nature's "lunch" many a time. It made me wince to read your last line! Very well done.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from Bobby Jo
Ouch, sounds painful. I love the cute little bee picture. My 12 year old nephew and his family raise bees and get honey. I couldn't do it.
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Ouch, sounds painful. I love the cute little bee picture. My 12 year old nephew and his family raise bees and get honey. I couldn't do it.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from Lulube
Cute entry with a sting. lol Boy I hate those mud wasps, they are so nasty. Not allergic though. You must have been on edge? glad it didn't have a bad affect on you.
good work
good luck in the contest\
lulube
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Cute entry with a sting. lol Boy I hate those mud wasps, they are so nasty. Not allergic though. You must have been on edge? glad it didn't have a bad affect on you.
good work
good luck in the contest\
lulube
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from playinaround
This is so very cute and cheerful.. I really love it. The words and the picture come together to bring your wonderful poem to life. Thank you for sharing this one!
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This is so very cute and cheerful.. I really love it. The words and the picture come together to bring your wonderful poem to life. Thank you for sharing this one!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your syllable count spot on
your few words allow the reader to se and feel that the perfume you are wearing attracts the bee for a bite
cheers Smoothiecool
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good luck in the contest
your syllable count spot on
your few words allow the reader to se and feel that the perfume you are wearing attracts the bee for a bite
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from DR DIP
hehe can just imagine this happening to you
do you know that when a be implants its sting it will die? So the story goes not sure how true it is but it sounds impressive
thanks for sharing and good luck!
dip
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hehe can just imagine this happening to you
do you know that when a be implants its sting it will die? So the story goes not sure how true it is but it sounds impressive
thanks for sharing and good luck!
dip
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from Righteous Riter
bee sees me and lands
likes perfume
he decides I'm lunch
This piece meets the criteria of the lune poem as the syllable count is correct. Good internal rhyming with bee/sees. Good alliteration with lands/like/lunch. Clear message that is short and simple.
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bee sees me and lands
likes perfume
he decides I'm lunch
This piece meets the criteria of the lune poem as the syllable count is correct. Good internal rhyming with bee/sees. Good alliteration with lands/like/lunch. Clear message that is short and simple.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
Comment from l.raven
that is so true...they also are attacked color...like you I am allergic too!!! I hope you are ok...very nicely written...and very well said...
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that is so true...they also are attacked color...like you I am allergic too!!! I hope you are ok...very nicely written...and very well said...
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
Comment from sgalletti
Hi there! Well, the prompt is incorrect. A lune is not a "condensed haiku." But, that's neither here nor there. A haiku would not have all the lovely alliteration you have in this delightful ditty, nor would it have the internal rhyme. It would also have two grammatically connected lines and would be centered (which I recommend you do for this poem). You might consider changing "he" to "and" - I think it might work better. Sue
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Hi there! Well, the prompt is incorrect. A lune is not a "condensed haiku." But, that's neither here nor there. A haiku would not have all the lovely alliteration you have in this delightful ditty, nor would it have the internal rhyme. It would also have two grammatically connected lines and would be centered (which I recommend you do for this poem). You might consider changing "he" to "and" - I think it might work better. Sue
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
Comment from Janet Foor
Great artwork to accompany this delightful and well written lune. My husband is very allergic so I know what you went through. It can be really scary. Hope you are better and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
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Great artwork to accompany this delightful and well written lune. My husband is very allergic so I know what you went through. It can be really scary. Hope you are better and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014