Comment from ruzu27

Excellent

I like your haiku, Dallas. It is according to the rules, and a you have chosen a perfect picture. You also have an excellent ambiguous satori line.

Thank you for sharing and best wishes for the contest.
Ruth

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014

Thanks, Ruth. good to hear from you.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Clever association with the river's arteries and how an animal's body works too.

Very drab colour scheme, but it suits the coal theme.

Good luck and best wishes, Ray.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014

Thanks for the kind review. You threw me with the name change.

reply by Domino 2 on 25-Jun-2014

I'd 'THROW' myself if I wasn't so fat. :-) xx

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Poetry is metaphor and you've done that beautifully with the use of arteries and transfusing. Nice assonance with coal and Ohio, huge and transfuse.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014

Thanks for the kind review.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Cool haiku...succinct and I love the image....arteries transfusing energy
Cool image..........the picture is great too
Well done...huge coal barges...reminds me of my home...barges dredged the channel there..
God bless

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014

Thanks for the great review.

Comment from Bobby Jo

Excellent

I remember when I was a kid and heading up to the mountains. I was saddened by the pollution and stuff in the water. This picture reminded me of it.

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014

Thanks for reviewing. Glad you could connect.

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

huge coal barges
ply Ohio's arteries
transfusing energy
The photo compliments the piece well as the words bring the photo to life. The syllable count is spot on. Clear message that is short and simple.

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

beautiful pairing of photo and poem
vivid concrete imagery in your first two lines that let me easily visualize the barges moving along the river ways
ply - great verb choice
a powerful satori that matches the tone of the description
Brooke

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014

thanks for the detailed review. Glad you liked it.

Comment from Karen B.

Excellent

I love this, it's so descriptive of a common sight in the region and your satori emphasizes the importance of the coal. We see similar sights on the Great Lakes here. Well written haiku and a great entry in the contest. Good luck!

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Dallas, you've really used compelling imagery in this fine Haiku. Your satori line is both energetic and creative. I wish you the best of luck with this excellent contest entry.

:) Bev

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014

Thanks, Bev.

reply by Writingfundimension on 24-Jun-2014

You're welcome!

Comment from Eternal Muse

Excellent

A wonderful haiku, with such vivid visuals. I can picture those coal barges as they float on Ohio river.

You have two great interconnected lines of concrete imagery in lines 1 and 2, and a wonderful satori in line 3.

The way your three lines appear, though, they all seem to be connected, the satori starting with an adjective.

How about:

huge coal barges
ply Ohio's arteries
energy transfusers

This way the satori stands firmer on its own

Only a suggestion

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014

Thanks for suggestion but I don't think it would take on the same meaning.

reply by Eternal Muse on 24-Jun-2014

okay