Perception Can Kill
What do you see?18 total reviews
Comment from Gunner Lil
Great twist at the end. Flash shorts are always fun.
First line, I believe the use of the colon may not be needed. Ellipsis points could
be used or even a comma between watching and that.
Very easy read and fun. Thanks and good luck.
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
  |
Great twist at the end. Flash shorts are always fun.
First line, I believe the use of the colon may not be needed. Ellipsis points could
be used or even a comma between watching and that.
Very easy read and fun. Thanks and good luck.
Comment Written 13-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
-
Many thanks for the tips. Always good to have some constructive input. I will have a look, it is something I am not 100% sure of most of the time! Much appreciated.
Comment from TPAC
You told the story very well and brought it home as well all ingredients and nicely presented in structuring Everything like timing and flow great Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
|
You told the story very well and brought it home as well all ingredients and nicely presented in structuring Everything like timing and flow great Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 13-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
-
Many thanks for the gracious response to this one. Much appreciated.
Comment from abbasjoy
Well written story. It sounds as though Callum was getting ready to take out Meek, instead Callum was the one taken out, and by the so called waitress.
You would think with him working undercover, he would be more alert, but he became distracted, and let his guard down for a moment; then it was curtains for him.
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
|
Well written story. It sounds as though Callum was getting ready to take out Meek, instead Callum was the one taken out, and by the so called waitress.
You would think with him working undercover, he would be more alert, but he became distracted, and let his guard down for a moment; then it was curtains for him.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
-
Many thanks for this great review. It is very much appreciated
-
You are welcome.
Comment from cupa tea
Well constructed and well played out. I was rather thinking he was going to go after the waitress rather then the waitress going after him. Good descriptions as well...
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
|
Well constructed and well played out. I was rather thinking he was going to go after the waitress rather then the waitress going after him. Good descriptions as well...
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
-
Many thanks for reading and reviewing. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from cbat
Wow! I thought I was reading a pre chapter but instead found this.
Now I remember why I am a fan.
I read so many that often I get confused at whom and what I like.
I have to dig deeper.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
 |
Wow! I thought I was reading a pre chapter but instead found this.
Now I remember why I am a fan.
I read so many that often I get confused at whom and what I like.
I have to dig deeper.
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
-
Many thanks for the great review and rating. I really appreciate it.
Comment from jpduck
Good writing here. I did wonder about the waitress, but it never got further than wondering. I was caught by the red herring, Joshua Meek. But, like Callum, I never saw it coming.
Adrian
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
|
Good writing here. I did wonder about the waitress, but it never got further than wondering. I was caught by the red herring, Joshua Meek. But, like Callum, I never saw it coming.
Adrian
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
-
Many thanks, Adrian. When I can 'fool' you it is a job well done! Much appreciated, as always.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Pretty clever! I didn't see that ending coming at all, which means the story worked as intended. Well done, and I wish you good luck in the contest. :)
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
|
Pretty clever! I didn't see that ending coming at all, which means the story worked as intended. Well done, and I wish you good luck in the contest. :)
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
-
Hi Phyllis, many thanks for this great review. I am glad it wasn't too obvious. As always, your thoughts are very much appreciated.
Comment from Begin Again
I give you five stars for the story content..great job....but as flash fiction it has far too much descriptive adjectives and adverbs...should be a much sparser writing and at the moment my count is 502. Didn't see the ending coming and that's the sign of a great story. Good luck!
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
|
I give you five stars for the story content..great job....but as flash fiction it has far too much descriptive adjectives and adverbs...should be a much sparser writing and at the moment my count is 502. Didn't see the ending coming and that's the sign of a great story. Good luck!
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
-
Many thanks. This is a misconception about flash fiction. It doesn't have to be stripped down like that, nor does it actually have to have a reveal or twist at the end. These are not the defining characteristics of flash fiction. The word count is also exactly 500. Much appreciated
-
My apologies...I was always told differently but you are probably more aware of these things than I. It's been a long time since I have been back in the writing mode...Have a great day
Comment from sibhus
Good story, it had a real slight of hand feel to and I never suspected the ending. Well written with a good flow, making it an enjoyable read, and excellent entry for the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
|
Good story, it had a real slight of hand feel to and I never suspected the ending. Well written with a good flow, making it an enjoyable read, and excellent entry for the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
-
Many thanks for the encouraging review. I am glad it wasn;t too obvious. Much appreciated
Comment from LIJ Red
A new face in a waitress slot should have set off alarm bells, so I assume she got to the diner ahead of him, two weeks earlier...excellent short story according to the prompt.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
|
A new face in a waitress slot should have set off alarm bells, so I assume she got to the diner ahead of him, two weeks earlier...excellent short story according to the prompt.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
-
Many thanks for your thoughts on the piece. I think he didn't really look at her, until she was walking away. I like the examination of the logic! Much appreciated