Reflections Of Color
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "A Diamond A Day"A collection of my All-Time Best rated song lyrics
27 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A lovely romantic love poem. I for one will choose love before money. When you love someone you will do and endure anything for them. Money or diamonds can't buy happiness.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
  |
A lovely romantic love poem. I for one will choose love before money. When you love someone you will do and endure anything for them. Money or diamonds can't buy happiness.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
-
Love is a diamond a day. So true. Glad you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hi Brett, I enjoyed the rhythm here and the twist of love that money can't buy everything. Its an age old problem for us men. Some of us rich, we think we can mistreat and underestimate. The poor ones placing more value on what they have. Take care and cheers.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
|
Hi Brett, I enjoyed the rhythm here and the twist of love that money can't buy everything. Its an age old problem for us men. Some of us rich, we think we can mistreat and underestimate. The poor ones placing more value on what they have. Take care and cheers.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for your comments and support. Us men just can not seem to win, can we?
-
amen to that specially us poor ones..all of us found on this website..lol
Comment from Tessa Kay
I loved the message in this poem and the way you develop it. Starting off, you wonder why she is crying and what is going on. When repeated at the end, all has become clear.
This sounds like it could be lyrics for a song.
Enjoyed it. :)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
|
I loved the message in this poem and the way you develop it. Starting off, you wonder why she is crying and what is going on. When repeated at the end, all has become clear.
This sounds like it could be lyrics for a song.
Enjoyed it. :)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
-
It is. A Country lyric. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Brett, your poem reminds me strongly of some rather old-fashioned song lyrics - both in the feel of the rhythm where there is a swinging anapaestic meter trying to break through and in the theme, something like Charley pride's 'crystal Chandeliers.' Sine you also have a 'chorus' in a repeated stanza, I wonder if you intended this to be song lyrics...
It is an old story, isn't it - true (but poor) love losing out to the appeal of wealth and prestige?
However, the structure doesn't hold together well enough to earn a top rating. I particular, there is one major glitch in the rhyming - gold/long don't even make a proximate rhyme in my opinion, although the vowel sound is the same.
Then there's the meter. As I said, I can sense anapaestic, but it's really too irregular to work well. I suspect it could be fixed fairly simply with a bit of work. I am reluctant to barge in and make sweeping suggestions, but I'll have a go at one stanza for you...
Your stanza:
His money can't buy you my loving
Nor can his silver and gold
You need more than four walls to hold you
When you're alone and the night is so long
My edit:
His money can't buy you my loving
And nor can his silver and gold
You need more than four walls to hold you
All alone when the night is so cold.
.... that fixes the rhyme glitch, too.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
 |
Brett, your poem reminds me strongly of some rather old-fashioned song lyrics - both in the feel of the rhythm where there is a swinging anapaestic meter trying to break through and in the theme, something like Charley pride's 'crystal Chandeliers.' Sine you also have a 'chorus' in a repeated stanza, I wonder if you intended this to be song lyrics...
It is an old story, isn't it - true (but poor) love losing out to the appeal of wealth and prestige?
However, the structure doesn't hold together well enough to earn a top rating. I particular, there is one major glitch in the rhyming - gold/long don't even make a proximate rhyme in my opinion, although the vowel sound is the same.
Then there's the meter. As I said, I can sense anapaestic, but it's really too irregular to work well. I suspect it could be fixed fairly simply with a bit of work. I am reluctant to barge in and make sweeping suggestions, but I'll have a go at one stanza for you...
Your stanza:
His money can't buy you my loving
Nor can his silver and gold
You need more than four walls to hold you
When you're alone and the night is so long
My edit:
His money can't buy you my loving
And nor can his silver and gold
You need more than four walls to hold you
All alone when the night is so cold.
.... that fixes the rhyme glitch, too.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
-
Thank you.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Brett. A rare piece of poetry from you mate and a very nice one at that. Great flow and rhythm and a super message. Money is the root of all evil and yet so many people worship it, we need it to live, well in most cases we do at least, but it can never buy or replace love. Well done cobber. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
|
G'day Brett. A rare piece of poetry from you mate and a very nice one at that. Great flow and rhythm and a super message. Money is the root of all evil and yet so many people worship it, we need it to live, well in most cases we do at least, but it can never buy or replace love. Well done cobber. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 08-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Thank you for your continued support and comments. Your review captures my intentions of the poem spot on.
Comment from tfawcus
A good, free-flowing song in the style of a lament. I notice you have used an abcb rhyme scheme in all but the third verse. If you wanted to maintain consistency you could speak of the night growing old rather than being long.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
|
A good, free-flowing song in the style of a lament. I notice you have used an abcb rhyme scheme in all but the third verse. If you wanted to maintain consistency you could speak of the night growing old rather than being long.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Beautiful poetry. Easy to read and understand. Tells clearly how some people will give up love for wealth. I saw this happen to a friend of mine. She is a very unhappy woman even though she has everything she wants, Congratulations on your recognition for this poem. Very good work. Art work goes well with he poem.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2015
|
Beautiful poetry. Easy to read and understand. Tells clearly how some people will give up love for wealth. I saw this happen to a friend of mine. She is a very unhappy woman even though she has everything she wants, Congratulations on your recognition for this poem. Very good work. Art work goes well with he poem.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.
Comment from TAB_that's me
Money might make them happy for a little while but soon that feeling will be gone and without love.... I'll take love over money anyday. Good write.
teresa
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
|
Money might make them happy for a little while but soon that feeling will be gone and without love.... I'll take love over money anyday. Good write.
teresa
Comment Written 07-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from LeslieP5
Good point in this poem about choosing love or money and sometimes it is one or the other, not both. The phrase "Love is a diamond a day" shows the value that the subject of this poem is sacrificing when choosing money over love. Good job.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
|
Good point in this poem about choosing love or money and sometimes it is one or the other, not both. The phrase "Love is a diamond a day" shows the value that the subject of this poem is sacrificing when choosing money over love. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for your comments and support.
-
You're welcome.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from papa55mike
You're right I do love the picture and the way it blends into the poem.
Patient people can wait for love to come back around. Loved how well the poem was written and presented. Have a great weekend and God bless,mike.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
 |
You're right I do love the picture and the way it blends into the poem.
Patient people can wait for love to come back around. Loved how well the poem was written and presented. Have a great weekend and God bless,mike.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2015
-
Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.