Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 59 "Whenever my umbrella's left at home"Assorted poetry
10 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Noland
Hi Bill--this is nice with great iambic pentameter. I like the light tone that, in spite of itself, carries an important reminder that rain is not to be taken for granted.
My two suggestions are to re-think Lines 7 and 8 due to content that is somewhat inconsistent with the rest of the poem and to change the spelling of that word In the last line to "pre-" rather than "per"cipitation.
Your poem, I think, would be stronger with only one consistent main idea--that rain, though inconvenient at times, is really life- giving and needs to be appreciated. That is different from the "Murphy's Law" idea that Lines 7 and 8 support.
Good poem, though. It incorporates the blank verse well while maintaining an easy flow of thought and an appealing tone.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Hi Bill--this is nice with great iambic pentameter. I like the light tone that, in spite of itself, carries an important reminder that rain is not to be taken for granted.
My two suggestions are to re-think Lines 7 and 8 due to content that is somewhat inconsistent with the rest of the poem and to change the spelling of that word In the last line to "pre-" rather than "per"cipitation.
Your poem, I think, would be stronger with only one consistent main idea--that rain, though inconvenient at times, is really life- giving and needs to be appreciated. That is different from the "Murphy's Law" idea that Lines 7 and 8 support.
Good poem, though. It incorporates the blank verse well while maintaining an easy flow of thought and an appealing tone.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Debbie, for the useful review. Bill
Comment from royowen
You're so right, we live in a particularly dry zone, and rain is always welcome! Although having travelled a fair bit, we've often been caught in an unexpected shower, and mourned the oversight of the "just in case" umbrella. Nice blank verse as a good entry in this blank verse poetry contest, articulate and rhythmic, superbly written, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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You're so right, we live in a particularly dry zone, and rain is always welcome! Although having travelled a fair bit, we've often been caught in an unexpected shower, and mourned the oversight of the "just in case" umbrella. Nice blank verse as a good entry in this blank verse poetry contest, articulate and rhythmic, superbly written, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Roy, for the excellent review. Bill
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Most welcome Bill
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, bill, you did an excellent job writing this blank verse poem about the rain that falls when not prepared for it. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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this is an excellent write, bill, you did an excellent job writing this blank verse poem about the rain that falls when not prepared for it. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from ellie6
Yes, i suppose one has to have experienced the desert heat to appreciate rain. It's funny how whenever one forgets the umbrella it rains. There must be a law that governs these things
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Yes, i suppose one has to have experienced the desert heat to appreciate rain. It's funny how whenever one forgets the umbrella it rains. There must be a law that governs these things
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Ellie, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
A very appropriate poem about rain and water. It has been so dry in California, we all wish for a little rain. I know what you mean. Good job!
~gypsy
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Hello :)
A very appropriate poem about rain and water. It has been so dry in California, we all wish for a little rain. I know what you mean. Good job!
~gypsy
Comment Written 06-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Thank you, GBR, for the positive review. Bill
Comment from Ben Colder
One must really have experienced being thirsty to appreciate this poem. Great photo. I was thinking how often leaving the item behind. Best to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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One must really have experienced being thirsty to appreciate this poem. Great photo. I was thinking how often leaving the item behind. Best to you in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Ben, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I think this is a creative poem. I like how you write about the negatives of the bad weather but end it with the positive. A very creative and interesting poem. Great job.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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I think this is a creative poem. I like how you write about the negatives of the bad weather but end it with the positive. A very creative and interesting poem. Great job.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Michael, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from robyn corum
Hmmmm...don't know what this was --
But I LIKE IT! *smile*
So few people are able to do blank verse well. Or let's say, do to do in a way I like. (heehee) Kudos! My friend, you have hit the mark straight through! Good luck in the contest~!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Hmmmm...don't know what this was --
But I LIKE IT! *smile*
So few people are able to do blank verse well. Or let's say, do to do in a way I like. (heehee) Kudos! My friend, you have hit the mark straight through! Good luck in the contest~!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Robyn, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
So, if I understand you correctly, you've got experience in living through dry, waterless conditions; and because of that experience, no matter how wet it gets, you'll never complain because of your memory.
I don't understand how the first two stanzas connect with the last to give cohesion to the whole.
I feel the same way about whatever line I choose in the grocery store ending up taking the longest. But as long as bananas are 25 cents a pound, I'll buy them instead of peaches.
LOL, shall I reread it?
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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So, if I understand you correctly, you've got experience in living through dry, waterless conditions; and because of that experience, no matter how wet it gets, you'll never complain because of your memory.
I don't understand how the first two stanzas connect with the last to give cohesion to the whole.
I feel the same way about whatever line I choose in the grocery store ending up taking the longest. But as long as bananas are 25 cents a pound, I'll buy them instead of peaches.
LOL, shall I reread it?
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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I basically ran out of space to add onto the counter-thought about rain. The turn at line nine led to this idea of 'better wet than dry". Typically line 9-14 are a different take on the theme. Thank you, Jay, for giving it a look. Bill
Comment from krys123
Bill;
-This reads very slowly sI must contest that it is a beautifully written I am but pentameter and with the cadence, timing and the tempo being done so well that it is also helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
-I used to have an uncle that could predict the rain just by having his needs act up painfully. And he was about 95% true on predicting the rain using his prediction every time.
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Bill.
Alex
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Bill;
-This reads very slowly sI must contest that it is a beautifully written I am but pentameter and with the cadence, timing and the tempo being done so well that it is also helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
-I used to have an uncle that could predict the rain just by having his needs act up painfully. And he was about 95% true on predicting the rain using his prediction every time.
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Bill.
Alex
Comment Written 01-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Alex, for the positive review. Bill
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You are very welcome Bill.
Alex