tanka (rose petals)
tanka contest entry19 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Okay, Val. Not only is this a beautiful traditional tanka, but you got the picture off to the side. How did you accomplish that? I really like it. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Okay, Val. Not only is this a beautiful traditional tanka, but you got the picture off to the side. How did you accomplish that? I really like it. :) Nancy
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Thank you this means a great deal coming from you, Nancy. Your tanka was beautiful, also. It's hard to believe three of us made it to second place! Though I'm certainly not complaining. As far as the picture goes, you have to "fool around" with the settings.
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Spoken like a true techie. It's fun when honors are shared. Competition can get nastier than I haave the stomach for. :) Nancy
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Val
Congratulations. Sorry I'm so late to review. I would have know this to be a winner if I'd spotted it before the contest was over. Love the beauty of your expression of sadness in your first three lines. The satori nothing short of brilliant. Again the perfect pivot to your response lines. WOW, you really 'sock it to us' with such powerful emotive writing. I hope this isn't your own grief, though if it is, I offer my love and empathy. So sad for those left behind, yet your last line almost seems to imply the pain will soon be over and the 'old man' will head towards peace. Just beautifully worded. Visual complete and pure; you arouse the audial with "ticks", so full of emotion, and loving kindness. A pleasure to read my friend. I love your talent. Huge, warming hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Hi Val
Congratulations. Sorry I'm so late to review. I would have know this to be a winner if I'd spotted it before the contest was over. Love the beauty of your expression of sadness in your first three lines. The satori nothing short of brilliant. Again the perfect pivot to your response lines. WOW, you really 'sock it to us' with such powerful emotive writing. I hope this isn't your own grief, though if it is, I offer my love and empathy. So sad for those left behind, yet your last line almost seems to imply the pain will soon be over and the 'old man' will head towards peace. Just beautifully worded. Visual complete and pure; you arouse the audial with "ticks", so full of emotion, and loving kindness. A pleasure to read my friend. I love your talent. Huge, warming hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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Oh, Lovi, as always you "got" exactly what I was trying to convey. No, it's not a recent death, but I've been at my share of "death beds" The dying flowers, cold hospital room, and waiting. Yet, I feel there is a "here after" though I'm not particularly religious. The journey to another state of being is what I hope for all of us. Thank you once again, and for the fabulous review.
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Val
Sooo sorry for such a late response. I'm usually behind, though try to get to you early because you don't pop in that often. :))) I get excited when I spot a notification in my box, though sometimes I miss the infrequent one because three or five pages may be in while I'm absent. I like to think of something more to come. Perhaps whizzing around the galaxies enjoying the celestial heavens? I expect to meet up with special friends I haven't managed to meet in this life. :))) You, of course. Was it you who offered to cook your chilli recipe and make corn bread? hahaha! Yes, we all have losses, I chose to believe in happiness after death, at the very least, relief from suffering. Love your writing. Take care sweet One, I hope life is giving you happiness. Smiles and hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment from Domino 2
Congrats on your deserved high placing in this contest, Val.
Excellent 3rd line pivot that connects perfectly with the 1st and last 2 lines.
Subtle connection between the dropping rose petals and the ending of life.
Sad but positive ending.
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Congrats on your deserved high placing in this contest, Val.
Excellent 3rd line pivot that connects perfectly with the 1st and last 2 lines.
Subtle connection between the dropping rose petals and the ending of life.
Sad but positive ending.
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Ray. I felt it needed "one more go around," as it didn't even get recognized. This experience has renewed my faith (a bit) in the Fanstory contests, as it was not a big hit in general. But to be honest with you, I think it might be one my best tanka. As always, I really appreciate your support and loved the review.
Comment from kspuckett
Beautiful poem, especially the last line. Also liked the detached line and it's placement in the poem, as if it's talking about both the petals and the soul's separation from the man's body. Wonderful job!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Beautiful poem, especially the last line. Also liked the detached line and it's placement in the poem, as if it's talking about both the petals and the soul's separation from the man's body. Wonderful job!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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I'm thrilled you liked it enough to give it an "exceptional" It just won a contest, and I thought it needed one more go around. I love the word "detached" also - life detaches and lifts us to the heavens. Once again, I'm touched by review.
Comment from Nosha17
The fragility of life is demonstrated when a gentle soul passes on. Excellent choice of words and message. Good luck in the contest. faye
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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The fragility of life is demonstrated when a gentle soul passes on. Excellent choice of words and message. Good luck in the contest. faye
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Val, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, your words describe beautifully the passing of another soul, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Hi Val, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, your words describe beautifully the passing of another soul, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much, Eric!
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You are very welcome Val.
Comment from Julia.
Dear poet, this is a lovely tanka. You've done an excellent of job of making the first three lines a stand-alone moment (or haiku) and having the last two line expand/comment on the first three. The image of the dying rose petals nicely echoes that of an old man dying, detached from the world, from life, and "reaching for heaven". Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Dear poet, this is a lovely tanka. You've done an excellent of job of making the first three lines a stand-alone moment (or haiku) and having the last two line expand/comment on the first three. The image of the dying rose petals nicely echoes that of an old man dying, detached from the world, from life, and "reaching for heaven". Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 28-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Julia, you really "got" the gist of my tanka. So few really read tanka in the manner it should be read, but you do.
Comment from Debbie Noland
A nice poem with both parallels and contrasts, which give it interest and tension. The petals drop as the man's life ebbs away--- a parallel. The petals execute a downward movement while the man's soul reaches upward--a contrast. Taken together, they suggest the complexity that accompanies death.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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A nice poem with both parallels and contrasts, which give it interest and tension. The petals drop as the man's life ebbs away--- a parallel. The petals execute a downward movement while the man's soul reaches upward--a contrast. Taken together, they suggest the complexity that accompanies death.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2015
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Debbie, this is an exceptional review! You really "got" my exact meaning, and tanka can be so easily misread. Thank you
Comment from RahulChadha
A perfectly and beautifully written poetry. Nicely shaped and put into words. A different topic as well.
I loved it.
Best of luck and best wishes
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2015
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A perfectly and beautifully written poetry. Nicely shaped and put into words. A different topic as well.
I loved it.
Best of luck and best wishes
Comment Written 28-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2015
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This is a lovely review, and I'm thrilled that you "loved it" Thank you so much
Comment from l.raven
HI Val, sad...but so very well written...the Rose pedals die as they touch the floor...he goes to Heaven...love your poem...and love your colors and your picture....Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2015
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HI Val, sad...but so very well written...the Rose pedals die as they touch the floor...he goes to Heaven...love your poem...and love your colors and your picture....Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 26-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much for your continued support, and I'm thrilled you liked my tanka. Hugs Val
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you are so welcome Val...so good to see you...love xxoo