Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 81 "What Departs"Assorted poetry
15 total reviews
Comment from Axiom Gray
I don't know much about a tanka, but I still liked the message behind the poem. What remains when a person leaves are the memories captured in our senses.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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I don't know much about a tanka, but I still liked the message behind the poem. What remains when a person leaves are the memories captured in our senses.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Ax, for the kind review.
Comment from Irish Goat
Nice memorial tanka form. Beautiful in its simplicity and concise wording. So much emotional evocation in so few words. Well done. Very nice accompanying picture.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Nice memorial tanka form. Beautiful in its simplicity and concise wording. So much emotional evocation in so few words. Well done. Very nice accompanying picture.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you, IG, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from rama devi
Wonderful closing line, making this a memorable tanka. True to form and finely presented, this tanka touches the heart with its message, delivered with lucidity and simple, direct voicing. Excellent pivot line:
our memory stays
Excellent pun on passing morning
(passing---mourning)
Rich and deeop write.
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Wonderful closing line, making this a memorable tanka. True to form and finely presented, this tanka touches the heart with its message, delivered with lucidity and simple, direct voicing. Excellent pivot line:
our memory stays
Excellent pun on passing morning
(passing---mourning)
Rich and deeop write.
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you, rd, for the thorough review. Bill
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You're most welcome. Thanks for your gracious response. Warmly, rd
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a beautifully written, romantic tanka. Image works well with your descriptive words. The wilting flower seems to fit the meaning of the piece. Marilyn/BeasPeas
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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This is a beautifully written, romantic tanka. Image works well with your descriptive words. The wilting flower seems to fit the meaning of the piece. Marilyn/BeasPeas
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Marilyn, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
I like your tanka poem about memories. Memory of a beautiful flower or of a beautiful girl... I guess it could be either one. Well chosen words and tanka format.
Good job!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Hello :)
I like your tanka poem about memories. Memory of a beautiful flower or of a beautiful girl... I guess it could be either one. Well chosen words and tanka format.
Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Thank you, GBR, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from LanceHill
Nicely written tanka. It is amazing how our senses can bring back a memory. I smell certain scents occasionally that takes me back to my Great-Grandmothers house 40 years ago. Thanks for sharing and bringing back memories. God bless.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Nicely written tanka. It is amazing how our senses can bring back a memory. I smell certain scents occasionally that takes me back to my Great-Grandmothers house 40 years ago. Thanks for sharing and bringing back memories. God bless.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Lance, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Nosha17
As time goes on and people get older some things change, but if love and feelings are there, they endure. Well chosen words and message. faye
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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As time goes on and people get older some things change, but if love and feelings are there, they endure. Well chosen words and message. faye
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Faye, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from krys123
Bill;
-I am particularly fond of the tanka style And consider myself well-versed on these particular types of writing. Your writing on this particular piece of poetry is exceptional be done well. Breaking it up to being haiku in the first three lines to of your lines are grammatically interconnected just like the last two lines.
-Your third line or satori ("our memory stays") sums up the relativity of your concept and give your poem that aha moment.
-Most of these types of styles don't need a picture because the poem is very reflective and appropriate just for itself, however, your picture was definitely very relative to your writing. And right from the start; sets the mood and tone for your writing.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Bill.
Alex
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Bill;
-I am particularly fond of the tanka style And consider myself well-versed on these particular types of writing. Your writing on this particular piece of poetry is exceptional be done well. Breaking it up to being haiku in the first three lines to of your lines are grammatically interconnected just like the last two lines.
-Your third line or satori ("our memory stays") sums up the relativity of your concept and give your poem that aha moment.
-Most of these types of styles don't need a picture because the poem is very reflective and appropriate just for itself, however, your picture was definitely very relative to your writing. And right from the start; sets the mood and tone for your writing.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Bill.
Alex
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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hank you, Alex, for the super review of this poem. I'm humbled by your kind words. Bill
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You are so very welcome belt was an excellent poem.
Alex
Comment from Joyce Long
Very well done. Our memory stays. That's wonderful. There is so much in our lives that change, but we are so fortunate that our memories remain with us. Even older people may lose their short term memory, but the things of the past are always with them.
You did a very nice job with this poem. Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-4-15
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Very well done. Our memory stays. That's wonderful. There is so much in our lives that change, but we are so fortunate that our memories remain with us. Even older people may lose their short term memory, but the things of the past are always with them.
You did a very nice job with this poem. Thanks for sharing.
Joyce 11-4-15
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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hank you, Joyce, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
A lovely poem, Bill--simply beautiful, and beautifully simple. Therein lies its strength. Not a word in excess. Not a word needed.
With the suggestion of plurality in the "our" and "us", while this is a love poem, it is less romantic and more shared. Deeply personal. Congratulations, Bill.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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A lovely poem, Bill--simply beautiful, and beautifully simple. Therein lies its strength. Not a word in excess. Not a word needed.
With the suggestion of plurality in the "our" and "us", while this is a love poem, it is less romantic and more shared. Deeply personal. Congratulations, Bill.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Jay, for the excellent rating and encouraging analysis of the poem. I appreciate your meaningful review. Bill