2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "haiku (frozen little hands)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
23 total reviews
Comment from kittykatnoel
Beautiful haiku with amazing imagery. The last line encompasses so much more than the words perfectly. I could feel for the children so affected by the coldblooded war. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Beautiful haiku with amazing imagery. The last line encompasses so much more than the words perfectly. I could feel for the children so affected by the coldblooded war. Nicely done.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words.
Comment from rama devi
Awesome poetic contrast and a potent closing satori. Timely theme and imagery. Poignant poem. True to form as per contest directives. Powerful presentation too. Superb assonance of O and consonance of L and F and D. Sounds good read aloud.
A contender for my vote. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Awesome poetic contrast and a potent closing satori. Timely theme and imagery. Poignant poem. True to form as per contest directives. Powerful presentation too. Superb assonance of O and consonance of L and F and D. Sounds good read aloud.
A contender for my vote. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words. :)
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:-))
Comment from Pantygynt
At last! A haiku with a really good satori line. It's relationship to the first two lines is clear in the word "cold" but the rest of the line takes of in an entirely new aha direction which is what a good satori should do. All other aspects of the contest have been met so this one should be on a roll. WEll done.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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At last! A haiku with a really good satori line. It's relationship to the first two lines is clear in the word "cold" but the rest of the line takes of in an entirely new aha direction which is what a good satori should do. All other aspects of the contest have been met so this one should be on a roll. WEll done.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Thank you very much :) I really appreciate your excellent review and kind words, coming from you means a lot to me.
Comment from MacMhuirich
This is a very poignant write, so few words that tell an horrific story. The children of wars trying to survive with the consequence's of the adults of the world. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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This is a very poignant write, so few words that tell an horrific story. The children of wars trying to survive with the consequence's of the adults of the world. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Thank you Johnn, I really appreciate your excellent review and kind words. :)
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is an unusual winter haiku with a current theme, I assume about refuges. Form and syllable count are correct and rules followed. Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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This is an unusual winter haiku with a current theme, I assume about refuges. Form and syllable count are correct and rules followed. Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 02-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Thank you Jeanie, I really appreciate your excellent review and kind words. :)
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello mystery poet :),
This is a great haiku. It speaks volumes with so few words.
Yes, cold-blooded war. Awful.
Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Hello mystery poet :),
This is a great haiku. It speaks volumes with so few words.
Yes, cold-blooded war. Awful.
Best wishes for the contest.
Sonali
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you Sonali, you are very kind. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
frozen little hands
over golden red bonfire
coldblooded war
so few words can speak volumes, Gypsy -
these wars don't make sense - no one wins
and all they leave is more widows, orphans
and utter devastation.
these children suffer most.
well penned, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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frozen little hands
over golden red bonfire
coldblooded war
so few words can speak volumes, Gypsy -
these wars don't make sense - no one wins
and all they leave is more widows, orphans
and utter devastation.
these children suffer most.
well penned, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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Thank you Margaret, I appreciate your kind review. :)
Comment from NJK62
I thought this haiku was effective. There is a powerful contrast between the cold of the hands and the emotionally cold, hostile war and the heat of the bonfire. I thought the use of 'golden' was interesting: it suggests how precious the fire is to the hands that are warmed by it. I initially thought the replacing the word 'red' with 'heat' or 'warmth' would improve the poem, but the more I think about it I'm not so sure: 'red' works in connecting with the notion of 'blood' in the last line. It contrasts with the notion of 'cold-blooded'. The 'red' of the fire is life-giving and not life-taking. I found this poem thought-provoking. Thanks for posting it and I wish you well in the competition.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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I thought this haiku was effective. There is a powerful contrast between the cold of the hands and the emotionally cold, hostile war and the heat of the bonfire. I thought the use of 'golden' was interesting: it suggests how precious the fire is to the hands that are warmed by it. I initially thought the replacing the word 'red' with 'heat' or 'warmth' would improve the poem, but the more I think about it I'm not so sure: 'red' works in connecting with the notion of 'blood' in the last line. It contrasts with the notion of 'cold-blooded'. The 'red' of the fire is life-giving and not life-taking. I found this poem thought-provoking. Thanks for posting it and I wish you well in the competition.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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I appreciate your awesome review. :)
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Pleasure.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a pleasure most of us have at least one time had. Sitting on a cold night by a bonfire warming our hands. Blessings for a good week, Patricia
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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This is a pleasure most of us have at least one time had. Sitting on a cold night by a bonfire warming our hands. Blessings for a good week, Patricia
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2015
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I appreciate your awesome review. :)
Comment from AnnaLinda
Poet,
Your haiku for the winter haiku writing prompt is in excellent form
and it 'kindles' warm thoughts and then...Bam!...strong unexpected
satori.
Very well done,
Linda
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2015
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Poet,
Your haiku for the winter haiku writing prompt is in excellent form
and it 'kindles' warm thoughts and then...Bam!...strong unexpected
satori.
Very well done,
Linda
Comment Written 30-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the awesome review. :)