Reflections Of Color
Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Another Barroom"A collection of my All-Time Best rated song lyrics
26 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I love the artwork.
-I also like the opening and closing verses, especially,
"There's no love left inside your wedding band" That is a very creative line.
-I think the song tells a good story of a guy who has someone, and he can never let go.
- I would be interested to know what her stand is. I am guessing that she will leave eventually, because he says,
"And, then, just walk away
Too late I know I'm losing you"
-It's obvious he has someone else he can go to, so she probably does, too.
-I would say this is material for a country song!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
  |
-I love the artwork.
-I also like the opening and closing verses, especially,
"There's no love left inside your wedding band" That is a very creative line.
-I think the song tells a good story of a guy who has someone, and he can never let go.
- I would be interested to know what her stand is. I am guessing that she will leave eventually, because he says,
"And, then, just walk away
Too late I know I'm losing you"
-It's obvious he has someone else he can go to, so she probably does, too.
-I would say this is material for a country song!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
-
You are very welcome.
Comment from djeckert
this is a well done, honest heart emptying piece. it flows nicely with lots of goid imagery and sentiment. I could really feel for you my friend. God Bless you and your honest writing.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
|
this is a well done, honest heart emptying piece. it flows nicely with lots of goid imagery and sentiment. I could really feel for you my friend. God Bless you and your honest writing.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from NicciFaye
Hi Brett...
I thought the words of 'There's no love left inside your wedding band' was quite pulsing. Great meaning there as with the entire poem. The idea that a wedding band is material, lifeless, and intangible when it comes to love --that line has a powerful meaning. The repeating of the opening stanza and closing are another powerful edition to this awesome writing. Though I would say that the picture of the owl kind of threw me off in the artist correlation of this poem. Wonderful write sir.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
|
Hi Brett...
I thought the words of 'There's no love left inside your wedding band' was quite pulsing. Great meaning there as with the entire poem. The idea that a wedding band is material, lifeless, and intangible when it comes to love --that line has a powerful meaning. The repeating of the opening stanza and closing are another powerful edition to this awesome writing. Though I would say that the picture of the owl kind of threw me off in the artist correlation of this poem. Wonderful write sir.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
-
Wising up -- the wise old owl. That is the correlation between the picture and the lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a sad story of a broken marriage. The speaker seems to be drowing his/her own misery but realizing it doesn't help. He/she still loves the partner but now knows he/she must move on.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
|
This is a sad story of a broken marriage. The speaker seems to be drowing his/her own misery but realizing it doesn't help. He/she still loves the partner but now knows he/she must move on.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
-
You're welcome.
dragonpoet
Comment from DonandVicki
I think that your style of lyrics would be cramped if you used structure or rhyme. Free style is surely the way to go and I think you did very well.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
I think that your style of lyrics would be cramped if you used structure or rhyme. Free style is surely the way to go and I think you did very well.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Eric1
Hi Brett, love these lyrics that have been really well written in a free verse style, wonderful words, just a bit of friendly advice, do you not think that you could change the wording in your author notes slightly, it does come across as a bit caustic and I know you don't mean it that way my friend.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
Hi Brett, love these lyrics that have been really well written in a free verse style, wonderful words, just a bit of friendly advice, do you not think that you could change the wording in your author notes slightly, it does come across as a bit caustic and I know you don't mean it that way my friend.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
-
You are welcome my friend.
Comment from Ben Colder
Nothing wrong that I could see. I like writing free verses also. I was amazed at your wording. Sounds like the real songs, "Pop a top again," LOL.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
Nothing wrong that I could see. I like writing free verses also. I was amazed at your wording. Sounds like the real songs, "Pop a top again," LOL.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from shana1
Hi there, its simple, morose, but not particularly rivetting.
As you've mentioned the structure is blank verse, which is my personal favourite. But maybe you could put some more emotion into the words, so they don't sound so bland. (A contrast to your prose). This is obviously no where near your best.
On the other hand maybe could work for a guitar, if that's your kind of thing.
And then the listener will hear the emotion.
Or find something or some medium to make it come alive
And no,I don't particularly care for the artwork either.
But that's my personal taste. and nothing to do with the artist etc.
Cheers,
Shana
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
 |
Hi there, its simple, morose, but not particularly rivetting.
As you've mentioned the structure is blank verse, which is my personal favourite. But maybe you could put some more emotion into the words, so they don't sound so bland. (A contrast to your prose). This is obviously no where near your best.
On the other hand maybe could work for a guitar, if that's your kind of thing.
And then the listener will hear the emotion.
Or find something or some medium to make it come alive
And no,I don't particularly care for the artwork either.
But that's my personal taste. and nothing to do with the artist etc.
Cheers,
Shana
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
????????????????????????????
-
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment from Dean Kuch
I was a bit confused as to who was doing the loving, or talking if you prefer, in these lyrics, Brett.
Forgive me for being daft, but in one set, you state that:
I could never leave you
I've done so a thousand times
You're still the better part of me
Nights can last forever
When you're all alone
My heart doesn't want to set you free.........and then, in the following set:
There's a love I can lean on
And a place where I can go
When I'm with her I never feel the pain
She don't know that I'm crying
For the love you threw away
Take me in your arms and love me once again
In some lines you're referring to this lady as "you", while in others, you're referencing this woman as "her", or "she". So you see, it's the abrupt shifting of tense, or point of view, perhaps, that makes this difficult to follow. The lines where "you" is used could be the woman talking about her love for the man in the song, but I suspect it is one person who is supposed to be doing all of the talking.
I hope I've relayed my point clearly enough for you to understand where I'm coming from.
Other than that, the lyrics are very heartfelt.
~Dean
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
|
I was a bit confused as to who was doing the loving, or talking if you prefer, in these lyrics, Brett.
Forgive me for being daft, but in one set, you state that:
I could never leave you
I've done so a thousand times
You're still the better part of me
Nights can last forever
When you're all alone
My heart doesn't want to set you free.........and then, in the following set:
There's a love I can lean on
And a place where I can go
When I'm with her I never feel the pain
She don't know that I'm crying
For the love you threw away
Take me in your arms and love me once again
In some lines you're referring to this lady as "you", while in others, you're referencing this woman as "her", or "she". So you see, it's the abrupt shifting of tense, or point of view, perhaps, that makes this difficult to follow. The lines where "you" is used could be the woman talking about her love for the man in the song, but I suspect it is one person who is supposed to be doing all of the talking.
I hope I've relayed my point clearly enough for you to understand where I'm coming from.
Other than that, the lyrics are very heartfelt.
~Dean
Comment Written 08-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2016
-
Actually my friend, what I was trying to convey in these lyrics is:
that although he is in love with his partner, though their relationship is rocky,
as expressed in the first set
that:
he does have another woman on the side he can turn to when his partner decides to leave him alone as she often does, who understands what he is going through
as expressed in the second set.
Clear as mud, right?
Hoping all is well in your world.
Comment from AnnieDawn
I can see where these can be lyrics, but I am unable to connect each stanza to make one song. I feel there should be more repetition in them. The "love in the wedding band" is a very good, original line and would be good in a country western song. Maybe it is just me but it seems like It would be difficult to put this to music and I have done so with lyrics before. Do you just write the lyrics or connect the music also?
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016
|
I can see where these can be lyrics, but I am unable to connect each stanza to make one song. I feel there should be more repetition in them. The "love in the wedding band" is a very good, original line and would be good in a country western song. Maybe it is just me but it seems like It would be difficult to put this to music and I have done so with lyrics before. Do you just write the lyrics or connect the music also?
Comment Written 04-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016
-
Glad you enjoyed these lyrics. Your comments and support appreciated.