Dead Man's Reef
Minute Poem20 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Strong image of a boat being lost at sea with all its crew and the greif that follows. I guess cities just grew to big to show respect for the loss by ringing the church bell.
Good luck in the contest and keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Strong image of a boat being lost at sea with all its crew and the greif that follows. I guess cities just grew to big to show respect for the loss by ringing the church bell.
Good luck in the contest and keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 18-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Joan.
Steve
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No problem, Steve.
Joan
Comment from Domino 2
I've never tried a 'minute poem', Steve, as I'm worried about maintaining a smooth flow, even with consistent meter, in the 'abrupt' 4-syllable lines.
However, this is excellent - top meter and rhymes, plus lots of dramatic word choices and the conveyance that 'after the storm, there's calm', though in this case it's tragic.
Very entertaining read.
Cheers, Ray.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
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I've never tried a 'minute poem', Steve, as I'm worried about maintaining a smooth flow, even with consistent meter, in the 'abrupt' 4-syllable lines.
However, this is excellent - top meter and rhymes, plus lots of dramatic word choices and the conveyance that 'after the storm, there's calm', though in this case it's tragic.
Very entertaining read.
Cheers, Ray.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Ray. Yes, I think you've got the Peter Sellers thing. He didn't change the actual words - just the intonation. Surprising what you can do with 'Feeling you (pause) holding me (pause) tight!'
No special magic for Minute poems. They do tend to come out a bit choppy, but that's just part of the form. I always try for something a little different in my entries, so I thought the old-fashioned story might do it...
Steve
Comment from robyn corum
Well, fiddle.
I've read about a thousand and one minute poems (and was overly tired of them, to tell the truth) and then I stumbled on the mother lode. The last three have been jewels.
This form is not easy and not for the fainthearted. It's more than following a strict syllable count and meter; it's about telling a STORY, in a very few lines, in a way that flows and entrances the reader - so that they forget the count entirely and the poem becomes a living entity.
You've accomplished that here. It's lovely. Totally lovely.
Your image, the font choice and color, along with the background tone all work together to enhance the package. A feast. I absolutely enjoyed every minute of it. And wish you much good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Well, fiddle.
I've read about a thousand and one minute poems (and was overly tired of them, to tell the truth) and then I stumbled on the mother lode. The last three have been jewels.
This form is not easy and not for the fainthearted. It's more than following a strict syllable count and meter; it's about telling a STORY, in a very few lines, in a way that flows and entrances the reader - so that they forget the count entirely and the poem becomes a living entity.
You've accomplished that here. It's lovely. Totally lovely.
Your image, the font choice and color, along with the background tone all work together to enhance the package. A feast. I absolutely enjoyed every minute of it. And wish you much good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Robyn, thanks so much for the generous review. You're right, it is not easy to write a successful one of these. There is a tendency for them to become jerky, rather than flowing.
Here I have deliberately chosen the old-fashioned feel which seems to suit this story.
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
A story minute. Excellent. And the story told with style. I don't know anything further to add, and therefore I'll pad my review like a politician running his mouth. Excellent.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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A story minute. Excellent. And the story told with style. I don't know anything further to add, and therefore I'll pad my review like a politician running his mouth. Excellent.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Thank you.
I quite liked the idea of attempting to tell a story in this restrictive format.
Steve
Comment from I am Cat
Just let me finish it for you...
oh hell. :(
I always know you're going to come out of the woodwork and post a winning poem.
stop. just stop. will you? LOL
this is terrific! It keeps the rest of us on our tips toes when you post, as you are sure to make us up our ante. I could learn a few things from you and Kenny Rogers...
Know when to hold 'em
know when to fold 'em
know when to walk away
know when to run...
LOL
well done, AGAIN. ;)
good luck in the contest
(but not TOO much, ok?) lol
Great entry, Steve.
Seriously.
well done
Cat
( a sixer for sure, but alas... dammit) lol
Cat
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Just let me finish it for you...
oh hell. :(
I always know you're going to come out of the woodwork and post a winning poem.
stop. just stop. will you? LOL
this is terrific! It keeps the rest of us on our tips toes when you post, as you are sure to make us up our ante. I could learn a few things from you and Kenny Rogers...
Know when to hold 'em
know when to fold 'em
know when to walk away
know when to run...
LOL
well done, AGAIN. ;)
good luck in the contest
(but not TOO much, ok?) lol
Great entry, Steve.
Seriously.
well done
Cat
( a sixer for sure, but alas... dammit) lol
Cat
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Thank you. Well you did steal my rispetto prize! Didn't even get on the podium, and I thought that was one of the best things I'd written for a while...
Yours was pretty darn good by the way. And I don't think you should be complaining about people posting inning poems, do you?!
Steve
Comment from CD Richards
There you go doing it again. Perfect rhyme, perfect rhythm, perfect syllable count and a wonderfully connected set of stanzas telling so much story in so few words.
A list of things I think you need to fix:
Best of luck in the contest!
Craig
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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There you go doing it again. Perfect rhyme, perfect rhythm, perfect syllable count and a wonderfully connected set of stanzas telling so much story in so few words.
A list of things I think you need to fix:
Best of luck in the contest!
Craig
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Thanks so much for the review and six shiny stars - and that wonderful list!
Steve
Comment from ciliverde
Very nice, I love this! The storm at sea tossed the ship onto Dead Man's Reef, all hands lost...Nice alliteration and strong, dramatic language pulled me right into your tale.
Then - the sea rolls so sweetly, calm and quiet as the storm has weakened. Yet, the men cannot return, and the church bells tolls out for them.
Well done, I enjoyed this,
Carol
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Very nice, I love this! The storm at sea tossed the ship onto Dead Man's Reef, all hands lost...Nice alliteration and strong, dramatic language pulled me right into your tale.
Then - the sea rolls so sweetly, calm and quiet as the storm has weakened. Yet, the men cannot return, and the church bells tolls out for them.
Well done, I enjoyed this,
Carol
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Carol.
That was a late decision to have the sea calm again in the last stanza - nice orony, I thought.
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve;
-a very well constructed and written minute piece of poetry that fits all the requirements of this style of poetry and then some.
- all of your rhyming words were supportive to the meaning and concept of each of your lines and while none of them were forced or labored was helpful in the rhythmic flow of your poem.
-the rhythmic meter of your poem was iambic tetrameter followed by three lines of iambic octameter for each of your verses and this was helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
- it didn't call for an iambic meter pictures was above and beyond the requirements.
-the picture really grasp the attention of the reader and was very appropriate and relative to the concept and theme of your poem.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Steve;
-a very well constructed and written minute piece of poetry that fits all the requirements of this style of poetry and then some.
- all of your rhyming words were supportive to the meaning and concept of each of your lines and while none of them were forced or labored was helpful in the rhythmic flow of your poem.
-the rhythmic meter of your poem was iambic tetrameter followed by three lines of iambic octameter for each of your verses and this was helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
- it didn't call for an iambic meter pictures was above and beyond the requirements.
-the picture really grasp the attention of the reader and was very appropriate and relative to the concept and theme of your poem.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Alex, thanks for the kind review.
Steve
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You're very welcome Stephen have a nice weekend also.
Alex
Comment from Sasha
I must admit I get completely lost in all the poetic rules and styles. Fortunately, even though I cannot write poetry, I do know what I like and I like this one very much. Excellent rhythm and rhyme. I wish you all the best in this contest too.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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I must admit I get completely lost in all the poetic rules and styles. Fortunately, even though I cannot write poetry, I do know what I like and I like this one very much. Excellent rhythm and rhyme. I wish you all the best in this contest too.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Sasha.
There is no need to know about all the forms and their 'rules'. After all, most of the poetry written today really has none.
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
Well, Steve - this one should do very well in the contest - From what I know, it would be the winner. The Minute Poem is tough because of the short sometimes choppy lines, but you handle them well here. This is the 2nd poem today I've read about a death at sea. Both are very different, and yet - the power of the sea comes through loud and clear in both. Rose.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Well, Steve - this one should do very well in the contest - From what I know, it would be the winner. The Minute Poem is tough because of the short sometimes choppy lines, but you handle them well here. This is the 2nd poem today I've read about a death at sea. Both are very different, and yet - the power of the sea comes through loud and clear in both. Rose.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Rose.
I know what you mean about the tendency to be choppy. I try to avoid it, but I still hear it when I read this aloud.
Steve
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I don't think one can ever escape that chopped feel - but the Minute poem is a great discipline for working on flow. Rose.