The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Piper, part 6"Young Adult Fantasy
20 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi,
Dropping back in to let you know where I am. I could have reviewed each chapter. They are all so well written, but I was too busy going on to the next.
I wanted to make a few comments:
I like the way you avoid dialogue tags to make the conversation seamless, but help with setting and feelings at the same time.
Great imagery drew me into the setting.
I like this Fae, and am guessing he's a "good guy". He seems to have had something going on with the grandpa that he needs to talk to Piper about. You build suspense by delaying the gratification of finding out what that message is. I love it!!! Takes courage in writing to do that, but definitely adds depth.
Okay, on to more. I wanted to give a 6 for this one to represent the whole!
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2023
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Hi,
Dropping back in to let you know where I am. I could have reviewed each chapter. They are all so well written, but I was too busy going on to the next.
I wanted to make a few comments:
I like the way you avoid dialogue tags to make the conversation seamless, but help with setting and feelings at the same time.
Great imagery drew me into the setting.
I like this Fae, and am guessing he's a "good guy". He seems to have had something going on with the grandpa that he needs to talk to Piper about. You build suspense by delaying the gratification of finding out what that message is. I love it!!! Takes courage in writing to do that, but definitely adds depth.
Okay, on to more. I wanted to give a 6 for this one to represent the whole!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 23-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2023
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Hi Rhonda,
I am honored that you are going back to read this story. No need to review every chapter. Just enjoy.
I so appreciate the six star rating and your very encouraging comments about the writing.
Comment from karenina
And so Fae has a name...and a history with Burkehart, it would appear. I'm falling into the fantasy of this and wondering why Summerstorm would need the quill ~ perhaps to conjure a spell? Oh my...this is much more interesting as I follow along! I've yet to figure out if Piper is in danger, or if some greater adventure is soon to come!
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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And so Fae has a name...and a history with Burkehart, it would appear. I'm falling into the fantasy of this and wondering why Summerstorm would need the quill ~ perhaps to conjure a spell? Oh my...this is much more interesting as I follow along! I've yet to figure out if Piper is in danger, or if some greater adventure is soon to come!
Karenina
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Hi Karenina,
Yes, they do have a history. So glad you are enjoying the story so far.
Debi
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Absolutely! I'll be back to read more this week!
Comment from May 1
Haha, that girl sure is bold. Even I who don't fully know what is happening to think everything would have been easier if he were alive. Poor Piper, it's never easy to lose a loved one. Oh, it's interesting to note that the captain had a background with the Fae. Quite intriguing details. I thoroughly enjoyed all those little crumbs of information.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Haha, that girl sure is bold. Even I who don't fully know what is happening to think everything would have been easier if he were alive. Poor Piper, it's never easy to lose a loved one. Oh, it's interesting to note that the captain had a background with the Fae. Quite intriguing details. I thoroughly enjoyed all those little crumbs of information.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
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Hi May 1,
Thank you for the analysis and your thoughts on this chapter. I appreciate your encouraging comments.
Debi
Comment from Winslow
Dear WJ,
You write well and in a readable style. You introduce tension into your chapter early and hold it at a high level throughout. It makes the reader wonder, what is Summerstorm planning and how does he plan on hurting Piper.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2016
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Dear WJ,
You write well and in a readable style. You introduce tension into your chapter early and hold it at a high level throughout. It makes the reader wonder, what is Summerstorm planning and how does he plan on hurting Piper.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 08-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2016
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Hi Winslow,
How nice to find an unexpected review. Thank you for going back in my portfolio and reading this chapter. I appreciate your kind comments about the writing be readable, and the tension level making you wonder what is being planned. I appreciate the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Debi
= A great chapter.
= So well composed and presented.
= You do a great job with the boys thoughts ... his dialogue.
= Great hook at the end when the two meet.
= Just found some minor SPAG ...
<> Upper case when used as a direct address: sir/Sir
= "Excuse me, [sir](Sir). Are you one of the musicians?"
= "I am sorry for disturbing you, [sir](Sir)."
= She made a small curtsy. "Good-bye, [sir](Sir)."
= "Captain Burkehart, [sir](Sir)?"
<> Missing comma
= "He gave me my first fife(,) and taught me how to read music."
= I apologize for my late response.
= Took a few days off for my birthday, and Tom's aunt't 90th!
= Had a blast in California, but in NO hurry to go back to that rat race!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down (*_*)
Jacqueline (Jax) M Franklin
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi, Debi
= A great chapter.
= So well composed and presented.
= You do a great job with the boys thoughts ... his dialogue.
= Great hook at the end when the two meet.
= Just found some minor SPAG ...
<> Upper case when used as a direct address: sir/Sir
= "Excuse me, [sir](Sir). Are you one of the musicians?"
= "I am sorry for disturbing you, [sir](Sir)."
= She made a small curtsy. "Good-bye, [sir](Sir)."
= "Captain Burkehart, [sir](Sir)?"
<> Missing comma
= "He gave me my first fife(,) and taught me how to read music."
= I apologize for my late response.
= Took a few days off for my birthday, and Tom's aunt't 90th!
= Had a blast in California, but in NO hurry to go back to that rat race!
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down (*_*)
Jacqueline (Jax) M Franklin
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi Jax,
Thank you for the kind comments about the writing. I appreciate you letting me know about the SPAG as well. No worries on the response time. A couple hours earlier and it was still active. I just feel bad you missed the points and the bucks.
Happy birthday. I hope it was wonderful day, and that you had great time!
Debi
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GREAT! But, so glad to be home.
I'm exhausted! (*<*)
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A good exhausted I'm sure. Welcome back!
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Thanks (*<*)
Comment from MTF1955
Great writing. Love the flow of your story. hope to read more of this. You have piqued my interest and I'm looking forward to what happens next to Piper. Mary
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Great writing. Love the flow of your story. hope to read more of this. You have piqued my interest and I'm looking forward to what happens next to Piper. Mary
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
Hi Mary,
What kind things to say. I appreciate the encouraging review. Thank you so much!
Debi
Comment from michaelcahill
I had no problem slipping into this story. It seems familiar like I've read previous chapters but I don't see any recent ones. Maybe just the involving way you've written this. It does stand alone easily. Cool characters and a world that grabs the reader and makes them want to stay. Hoping for more. Where are the previous chapters? mikey
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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I had no problem slipping into this story. It seems familiar like I've read previous chapters but I don't see any recent ones. Maybe just the involving way you've written this. It does stand alone easily. Cool characters and a world that grabs the reader and makes them want to stay. Hoping for more. Where are the previous chapters? mikey
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi Mikey,
Thank you so much for the kind comments about the writing and the characters. I do believe you have reviewed at least one previous chapter. Maybe I have been doing it wrong, but I post as a story and then pull the chapter into the book after the post is no longer on the active list. The other chapters are located in the book "The Piper" which is about five or six down in my portfolio. Thank you for asking. I appreciate the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Jonesy
Not having read the the earlier chapters it's fairly impossible to comment on the overall story, but I don't need to see a good writer at work. Any chapter should have stand-alone elements that a reader can understand even without reading earlier parts, and this one does that.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Not having read the the earlier chapters it's fairly impossible to comment on the overall story, but I don't need to see a good writer at work. Any chapter should have stand-alone elements that a reader can understand even without reading earlier parts, and this one does that.
Very well done.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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You say such kind things. I am flattered that you liked the chapter even though you haven't read the previous ones. Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I am glad to see you back with Piper; you both have been missed; but it was not hard to get into the story.
-The chapter wastes no time in showing us that the Fae is present, and we never know what he is up to.
-From the shadows, he says, "Piper would believe you." I assume he is talking about Piper's grandfather, and we wonder what Piper would believe him about--good or bad?!
-Of course, the Fae is spotted again--always luring about in the shadows.
-For some reason the number of quills on the desk is important--clues to indicate someone is there because one is missing?
-So, the Fae is really Summerstorme, and obviously no friend to Burkehart.
-The Fae gives his traditional smirk, pleased he has at least annoyed Burkehart for part of his evening.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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-I am glad to see you back with Piper; you both have been missed; but it was not hard to get into the story.
-The chapter wastes no time in showing us that the Fae is present, and we never know what he is up to.
-From the shadows, he says, "Piper would believe you." I assume he is talking about Piper's grandfather, and we wonder what Piper would believe him about--good or bad?!
-Of course, the Fae is spotted again--always luring about in the shadows.
-For some reason the number of quills on the desk is important--clues to indicate someone is there because one is missing?
-So, the Fae is really Summerstorme, and obviously no friend to Burkehart.
-The Fae gives his traditional smirk, pleased he has at least annoyed Burkehart for part of his evening.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you for continuing to follow the story. I appreciate the kind comments about the story and the analysis your provide. It is helpful to know what the reader is thinking. Thank you!
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You are very welcome, and it is nice to know the review is appreciated. The stories are written so well; I enjoy each one.
Comment from rspoet
I've waited long for part 6
and it was worth the wait
Redd-Lief Summerstorm
What a great name
and a mysterious, shadowy Fae
linked to both Raymond Acker and Piper
How to get Piper to believe?
that's the rub
Your descriptive writing
and character building is excellent
The suspense is well worth the wait
It seems Burkehart and Summerstorm have a history
Looking forward to the next episode,
soon, I hope.
Very well done
Six bright stars!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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I've waited long for part 6
and it was worth the wait
Redd-Lief Summerstorm
What a great name
and a mysterious, shadowy Fae
linked to both Raymond Acker and Piper
How to get Piper to believe?
that's the rub
Your descriptive writing
and character building is excellent
The suspense is well worth the wait
It seems Burkehart and Summerstorm have a history
Looking forward to the next episode,
soon, I hope.
Very well done
Six bright stars!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much for the bright shiny stars!
I am pleased you like the Fae's name, and continue to enjoy the story.
I appreciate the encouraging comments about the writing and character building. Your comments make me want to get that next chapter out soon.
Thank you!