The Thrift Shop
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.50 total reviews
Comment from Day Z Chayn
Andre,
It seems what annoyed me most about this story is when the white shopkeeper says, Hey, son. I got a son in college who's the quarterback of the football team & all his black brothers are his bodyguards. Does this mean those black men could choose if they were friends with 'whitey the college football quarterback, or could they refuse to even lay eyes on him? This gives me an idea. Would the same thing happen yoday with a black football player & a bunch of skinny white boys? I don't think so. I realize it's your life; the fact you COULD & DID walk outside that record store is the most amazing experience ever. This entire experience is heartfelt without being sentimental, or perhaps tempestuous without appearing trite.
My opinion of the white college quarterback may be that "okay, he's the record store clerk's son, but because his is the school quarterback, he may be one arrogant SON OF A BITCH. Perhaps this opinion is a very bad judgement call.
I haven't read any prose, (not even my own) which adequately resembles the status quo in the 11970's (or for that matter, any other era) where all plot elements at the same time throughout this stories appear to be botiniscenth worrisome and immediate.
The image of the white college boy seems reminiscent of the Black Panthers, because you wonder wether he pulls the strings with his black bodyguards, or is it the other way around?
My stepfather was in fact a more introvertedly racist man than your own record store shopkeeper was. It's your experience and you are the better man for it even as a boy because you did NOT act the victim or the martyr in this story.
Ever grateful,
Shane
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2016
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Andre,
It seems what annoyed me most about this story is when the white shopkeeper says, Hey, son. I got a son in college who's the quarterback of the football team & all his black brothers are his bodyguards. Does this mean those black men could choose if they were friends with 'whitey the college football quarterback, or could they refuse to even lay eyes on him? This gives me an idea. Would the same thing happen yoday with a black football player & a bunch of skinny white boys? I don't think so. I realize it's your life; the fact you COULD & DID walk outside that record store is the most amazing experience ever. This entire experience is heartfelt without being sentimental, or perhaps tempestuous without appearing trite.
My opinion of the white college quarterback may be that "okay, he's the record store clerk's son, but because his is the school quarterback, he may be one arrogant SON OF A BITCH. Perhaps this opinion is a very bad judgement call.
I haven't read any prose, (not even my own) which adequately resembles the status quo in the 11970's (or for that matter, any other era) where all plot elements at the same time throughout this stories appear to be botiniscenth worrisome and immediate.
The image of the white college boy seems reminiscent of the Black Panthers, because you wonder wether he pulls the strings with his black bodyguards, or is it the other way around?
My stepfather was in fact a more introvertedly racist man than your own record store shopkeeper was. It's your experience and you are the better man for it even as a boy because you did NOT act the victim or the martyr in this story.
Ever grateful,
Shane
Comment Written 27-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2016
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Oh, thank you, Shane, for your generous. Yes, when I look back upon the incident I am amazed that I "COULD & DID walk outside that record store." The shopkeeper's conversation about his white quarterback son protected my black bodyguards has perplexed me for decades. Did the father want me to feel proud of those black men? Was he trying to say, "I don't hate all colored people. See, I respect the colored boys who protect my son." It was a strange, one-sided conversation at gunpoint which I wrote down in my diary afterwards. Yes, I "did NOT act the victim or the martyr in this story. "
Thank you for your review.
Comment from bob cullen
You tell your story well. And it paints a very poor picture of the racial abuse we whites employed. And perhaps in some instances still employ.
I can't possibly imagine the horror of such a circumstance. In my job, I've had the misfortune to have been held-up five times. So I understand the terror of a gun being pointed at you. But I was an adult. And I wasn't being challenged for my colour.
A story that highlights your courage and our shame
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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You tell your story well. And it paints a very poor picture of the racial abuse we whites employed. And perhaps in some instances still employ.
I can't possibly imagine the horror of such a circumstance. In my job, I've had the misfortune to have been held-up five times. So I understand the terror of a gun being pointed at you. But I was an adult. And I wasn't being challenged for my colour.
A story that highlights your courage and our shame
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Yes, Bob, the incident was horrible and still haunts me to this day. I try not to think too much about it because I need to function in the here and now. Nevertheless, recent news of fatal shootings make me think, "That could have been me." I cannot imagine being held up five times like you. I do not want anyone or me to repeat my one incident. Thank you for your review.
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Yes, Bob, the incident was horrible and still haunts me to this day. I try not to think too much about it because I need to function in the here and now. Nevertheless, recent news of fatal shootings make me think, "That could have been me." I cannot imagine being held up five times like you. I do not want anyone or me to repeat my one incident. Thank you for your review.
Comment from DonandVicki
I can relate to your story as I use to lose myself to music when I was young, the radio and 45's I still enjoy going to the thrift stores.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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I can relate to your story as I use to lose myself to music when I was young, the radio and 45's I still enjoy going to the thrift stores.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Thank you, DonandVicki, I used to love losing myself to music when I was young and going to thrift stores. I almost lost my life on one occasion. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, thanks for sharing another of your fine written stories filled with drama, humor, and some life lessons from you and those not so fortunate. However, I am always so curious as to why I hear about all these injustices throughout the world, and they all seem to be against black people. I know they happen, but statistics show they happen to more whites than blacks. I just wish we all could start paying more attention to our many similarities rather than always dwelling on our few differences. I had three similar incidents in my childhood, and one of those times I was beaten unconscious by the police and jailed under numerous charges. All I did was be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was guilty of nothing. Receiving broken ribs and a fractured skull. Keep up the good work, I always enjoy your work, and you are obviously a nice person. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Yes, thanks for sharing another of your fine written stories filled with drama, humor, and some life lessons from you and those not so fortunate. However, I am always so curious as to why I hear about all these injustices throughout the world, and they all seem to be against black people. I know they happen, but statistics show they happen to more whites than blacks. I just wish we all could start paying more attention to our many similarities rather than always dwelling on our few differences. I had three similar incidents in my childhood, and one of those times I was beaten unconscious by the police and jailed under numerous charges. All I did was be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was guilty of nothing. Receiving broken ribs and a fractured skull. Keep up the good work, I always enjoy your work, and you are obviously a nice person. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Ric, for your generous review and for your compliments to me as a writer and as a person. I also "wish we all could start paying more attention to our many similarities rather than always dwelling on our few differences." Thank you for your review and do write an essay about your police beating. The world needs to hear it.
Comment from Bananafish308
This is incredible storytelling, Andre! You had me hooked immediately. I was 18 in 1980, so I can completely relate to your appreciation of vinyl records. I had quite a collection myself. Great subtitle - Rainy days and Mondays...brought back a lot of memories.
Your depiction of your encounter with the racist, gun-toting shopkeeper was harrowing and riveting.
"Is he holding me up at gunpoint to buy records?" - brilliant line, which truly captures the horror of your predicament. In essence, that is exactly what he did.
Your story, so vividly told, is one that people need to hear. Stories such as yours make me ashamed to admit I belong to the same species as such vile creatures. I am sorry that you had to endure such a traumatic experience, especially at such a young age.
Good luck in the contest!
Take care,
Bill
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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This is incredible storytelling, Andre! You had me hooked immediately. I was 18 in 1980, so I can completely relate to your appreciation of vinyl records. I had quite a collection myself. Great subtitle - Rainy days and Mondays...brought back a lot of memories.
Your depiction of your encounter with the racist, gun-toting shopkeeper was harrowing and riveting.
"Is he holding me up at gunpoint to buy records?" - brilliant line, which truly captures the horror of your predicament. In essence, that is exactly what he did.
Your story, so vividly told, is one that people need to hear. Stories such as yours make me ashamed to admit I belong to the same species as such vile creatures. I am sorry that you had to endure such a traumatic experience, especially at such a young age.
Good luck in the contest!
Take care,
Bill
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Yes, Bill, many people were also struck by that line,
"Is he holding me up at gunpoint to buy records?"
Here he was accusing me of being a violent thief but there he was as an armed bandit. And I negotiated the price down for the record at gunpoint?! This is both surreal and harrowing. That traumatic event has stayed with me my entire life. I relive it when I perform my story on stage before audiences.
Thank you for your generous, six star review and for wishing me success in the contest.
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You're quite welcome, Andre.
Comment from EricBrady
Suspenseful story. It had me wondering the whole time, would another young black teen be gunned down for no reason? This story had a happy ending, but as you say there are many stories like this that end with the chalk lines. This story is very captivating, emotional and holds the reader's attention from beginning to end. Continue telling your story, it is very powerful. Many blessings.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Suspenseful story. It had me wondering the whole time, would another young black teen be gunned down for no reason? This story had a happy ending, but as you say there are many stories like this that end with the chalk lines. This story is very captivating, emotional and holds the reader's attention from beginning to end. Continue telling your story, it is very powerful. Many blessings.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Yes, Eric, what struck me is that my incident occurred thirty-six years ago. While the music and its technology have changed, black teens being gunned down for no reason has not changed. I will keep telling my story in honor of those who did not live to tell theirs. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Allison78
I'm so sorry this happened to you and continues to happen to others with with dire consequences. Even though I can't begin to put myself in your shoes you really expressed what had to have been palpable fear in that thrift store. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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I'm so sorry this happened to you and continues to happen to others with with dire consequences. Even though I can't begin to put myself in your shoes you really expressed what had to have been palpable fear in that thrift store. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Yes, Allison, I am sorry, too, that this "continues to happen to others with with dire consequences." While I am grateful I survived, I am mindful that many did not. For this reason, I will keep telling my story. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, there,
I love this very well written story. I also love horror so your scary experience was interesting and it made it even better. I didn't like that your life was in danger, though. Your style of writing is very visual, my kind, and I really enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Hello, there,
I love this very well written story. I also love horror so your scary experience was interesting and it made it even better. I didn't like that your life was in danger, though. Your style of writing is very visual, my kind, and I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Yes, Gypsy, this was a real life American horror story. Even though mine occurred thirty-six years ago, it is still occurring today for many others. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Loren (7)
In all honesty, I cannot identify with this story. In earlier vernacular I would have been called a WASP. Not that I would have understood that term in totality nor would I have purposefully identified with it. But, upon reading stories like this, I can see why the paint with the broad brush. I don't know what I would have done at age 16 when confronted like that. I just can't imagine. I'm sorry you had to experience it, but you seem to have a good sense about you. Mature is a word that comes to mind - even wise beyond your years. Loren
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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In all honesty, I cannot identify with this story. In earlier vernacular I would have been called a WASP. Not that I would have understood that term in totality nor would I have purposefully identified with it. But, upon reading stories like this, I can see why the paint with the broad brush. I don't know what I would have done at age 16 when confronted like that. I just can't imagine. I'm sorry you had to experience it, but you seem to have a good sense about you. Mature is a word that comes to mind - even wise beyond your years. Loren
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Yes, Loren, I recall my calmness even while scared to death, too scared to run. I did what I did best--look at records. The horror of my situation floods back to me thirty-six years later in a delayed reaction. I am grateful I survived but I am mindful of the fact that many in similar circumstances did not survive once the gun went off.
Thank you for your generous, six star review and kind words.
Comment from Jay Squires
How did I miss this, Andre. I follow you. I know I saw it and downloaded it the day it posted. Yet I obviously didn't read it. You did a marvelous job with this: the drama, the tension, the suspense. Yes, and the theme is so relevant and profound. I'd be hard pressed to find anything weak, under- or over-stated in this. If I were to point out something in way of suggestion it would be the "said bookism" of "I chirped".
"Thank you," I chirped. [One can't literally chirp out a piece of dialogue. We usually do that when we try to stop the monotony of "I said," which would be laudable except that "I said" is one of those invisible tags. The reader skims right over them and uses them only to identify the speaker. If you are interested, here's an excellent article on "said bookisms" : http://www.dbjackson-author.com/2012/01/25/writing-tips-said-bookisms-the-obscure-sin-that-can-doom-a-manuscript/
Other than that, I think you did a superb job with this post, Andre. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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How did I miss this, Andre. I follow you. I know I saw it and downloaded it the day it posted. Yet I obviously didn't read it. You did a marvelous job with this: the drama, the tension, the suspense. Yes, and the theme is so relevant and profound. I'd be hard pressed to find anything weak, under- or over-stated in this. If I were to point out something in way of suggestion it would be the "said bookism" of "I chirped".
"Thank you," I chirped. [One can't literally chirp out a piece of dialogue. We usually do that when we try to stop the monotony of "I said," which would be laudable except that "I said" is one of those invisible tags. The reader skims right over them and uses them only to identify the speaker. If you are interested, here's an excellent article on "said bookisms" : http://www.dbjackson-author.com/2012/01/25/writing-tips-said-bookisms-the-obscure-sin-that-can-doom-a-manuscript/
Other than that, I think you did a superb job with this post, Andre. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Jay, for an excellent, six star review and reference to said bookism. I changed chirped to said.
The sad thing about my story is that this incident occurred (wow) thirty-six years ago. While the music technology has changed, encounters such as mine have not, therefore, "the theme is so relevant and profound."
Thank you for your critique and support and for correcting my work. Thank you also for your six star review and for wishing me success in the contest.