Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Humanity Project--Chapter 4: Oasis"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
31 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day again, Cowgirl
Ayala held his arm for support and comfort as they walked along a flower(-)bedecked path."
"Well, there are twelve main houses, or dormitories, with about 30 people in each," (Bugger that! Call me unsociable if you must, but I'd be outside, by myself. )
"Tarantula? Are they overrun by spiders?" (Hahahaha! Keep up the light hearted stuff where you can in a heavy story, makes it more human.)
"We're almost fully self-contained." (I'd change that to "self-sufficient.")
"There aren't too many places on this planet that can boast the same." (Sadly, correct.)
"And what of your people, how do they do in the hot.(,) dry air?"
"We, like the plants, have adapted. In time, you will, too." (Mate, I love where this is heading... by the hints it is anyway.)
"resting like a delicate rose in the desert." (Maybe change this to... "resting like a delicate desert rose.")
"not by automobiles, but by bicycles or hand(-)drawn carts."
"Soon." Ayala('s) eyes flickered away from Achie's.(Archie's)"
"You owe your life to our leader, Leander," Ayala chanted mechanically, "as do we all. No one who enters this city does so without his permission, and no one is free to go without his leave." (That, my friend, is Nyamal through and through... great job.)
"We are our own country," she explained, smiling like he was the one who was clueless." (He is. When you first get out there you are like a newborn baby.)
"At one time there were over 10,000 people roaming the valley as hunter(-)gatherers;"
"Apparently(,) the problem is severe enough to warrant drastic measures."
Wow, what a interesting chapter. I am shattered I have no sixes left as this is very worthy of one, but alas, it'll have to be a five.
I am captivated by this story and to find that he is stuck there, as a politician, to me personally, is a work of genius.
Well done Padna.
I'll get the boys to load the tinai sa manok (chicken intestines) onto the skewers ready to put on bbq to sell and/or eat tonight and I'll read another chapter.
Well done.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017
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G'day again, Cowgirl
Ayala held his arm for support and comfort as they walked along a flower(-)bedecked path."
"Well, there are twelve main houses, or dormitories, with about 30 people in each," (Bugger that! Call me unsociable if you must, but I'd be outside, by myself. )
"Tarantula? Are they overrun by spiders?" (Hahahaha! Keep up the light hearted stuff where you can in a heavy story, makes it more human.)
"We're almost fully self-contained." (I'd change that to "self-sufficient.")
"There aren't too many places on this planet that can boast the same." (Sadly, correct.)
"And what of your people, how do they do in the hot.(,) dry air?"
"We, like the plants, have adapted. In time, you will, too." (Mate, I love where this is heading... by the hints it is anyway.)
"resting like a delicate rose in the desert." (Maybe change this to... "resting like a delicate desert rose.")
"not by automobiles, but by bicycles or hand(-)drawn carts."
"Soon." Ayala('s) eyes flickered away from Achie's.(Archie's)"
"You owe your life to our leader, Leander," Ayala chanted mechanically, "as do we all. No one who enters this city does so without his permission, and no one is free to go without his leave." (That, my friend, is Nyamal through and through... great job.)
"We are our own country," she explained, smiling like he was the one who was clueless." (He is. When you first get out there you are like a newborn baby.)
"At one time there were over 10,000 people roaming the valley as hunter(-)gatherers;"
"Apparently(,) the problem is severe enough to warrant drastic measures."
Wow, what a interesting chapter. I am shattered I have no sixes left as this is very worthy of one, but alas, it'll have to be a five.
I am captivated by this story and to find that he is stuck there, as a politician, to me personally, is a work of genius.
Well done Padna.
I'll get the boys to load the tinai sa manok (chicken intestines) onto the skewers ready to put on bbq to sell and/or eat tonight and I'll read another chapter.
Well done.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 07-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2017
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Thank you, again, for the beautiful rating, and review. You have such a fine eye for what is good and bad in a piece! You lend a great sense of humor to the mix!
Good advice on the lighthearted. I truly do try to do that. I can only be serious for so long. haha.
Chicken intestines?? Ewwww. Guess it's a Philippine thing. But if you were cooking it... had to be great!
Thanks again, Padna,
Rhonda
Comment from mfowler
This is an excellent chapter built around Archie's desire to not only learn about his new village, but also to find a way to escape. Ayala seems set on showing him the qualities of the model, to highlight the value of Leander's leadership, and to assure Archie that escape is not on their plan sheets. No matter how he burdens her with complex reasons, she always has a good answer. Sometimes not about the topic he's discussing.
Loved the description of the village and the location in the middle of nowhere seems perfect. I found myself really trying to see what you described.
The place seems so incredibly real. And by mixing both personal observations with spoken words, the whole thing comes alive. "Scientists determined that, as a species, human beings were becoming weak and spoiled, so they petitioned the government to develop a society where this trend could be reversed. Leander was the head of this group and still serves as our main leader." A great blend of fine wordsmithing and practical common sense.
Overall, a fine piece of writing.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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This is an excellent chapter built around Archie's desire to not only learn about his new village, but also to find a way to escape. Ayala seems set on showing him the qualities of the model, to highlight the value of Leander's leadership, and to assure Archie that escape is not on their plan sheets. No matter how he burdens her with complex reasons, she always has a good answer. Sometimes not about the topic he's discussing.
Loved the description of the village and the location in the middle of nowhere seems perfect. I found myself really trying to see what you described.
The place seems so incredibly real. And by mixing both personal observations with spoken words, the whole thing comes alive. "Scientists determined that, as a species, human beings were becoming weak and spoiled, so they petitioned the government to develop a society where this trend could be reversed. Leander was the head of this group and still serves as our main leader." A great blend of fine wordsmithing and practical common sense.
Overall, a fine piece of writing.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the 6 star review, and for the helpful comments about the elements that stood out to you.
The disconnect was intentional between what Archie asked, and the mechanical responses from Ayala.
They aren't used to visitors in their villages, and especially from clever Senators.
I will try to add a bit more detail on the surroundings since it's a new place, especially what the plants look like.
Thank you, again, for your care in renewing!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Another excellent chapter in this project, Rhonda.
-It is very informative and delves into the characters of Archie and Ayala, as she shows him around the colony, and is patient in answering his questions about their life here.
-However, she is also guarded in some of her answers. Information about the existence of this colony can never get out; that is why their lives are so guarded.
-It reminds me of the "Big Brother" effect--you are provided for, but don't question the system and don't cross paths with Leander.
-Ironically, however, there are beautiful gardens: "...almost like dainty fingerprints of the souls inside. Archie's heart was touched with wonder."
-Archie asks Ayala if residents stay on their own free will, and her answer is quite interesting: "The cause is noble, and none of us would be alive if Leander had not intervened."
-I am guessing that this is what Leander wants them to believe.
-Archie has a good response, saying that everyone would be a slave in a system like theirs, putting a high price on a person's life.
-At the end I get the feeling of Ayala repeating some propaganda the colonists have been made to believe.
-Again, Archie responds, ""Freedom is another noble cause, one worth dying for."
-It seems we have the outside force represented by Archie and the beliefs he has grown up having in the U.S., and those established by Leander and believed by the colonists. The question is which one will prevail.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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-Another excellent chapter in this project, Rhonda.
-It is very informative and delves into the characters of Archie and Ayala, as she shows him around the colony, and is patient in answering his questions about their life here.
-However, she is also guarded in some of her answers. Information about the existence of this colony can never get out; that is why their lives are so guarded.
-It reminds me of the "Big Brother" effect--you are provided for, but don't question the system and don't cross paths with Leander.
-Ironically, however, there are beautiful gardens: "...almost like dainty fingerprints of the souls inside. Archie's heart was touched with wonder."
-Archie asks Ayala if residents stay on their own free will, and her answer is quite interesting: "The cause is noble, and none of us would be alive if Leander had not intervened."
-I am guessing that this is what Leander wants them to believe.
-Archie has a good response, saying that everyone would be a slave in a system like theirs, putting a high price on a person's life.
-At the end I get the feeling of Ayala repeating some propaganda the colonists have been made to believe.
-Again, Archie responds, ""Freedom is another noble cause, one worth dying for."
-It seems we have the outside force represented by Archie and the beliefs he has grown up having in the U.S., and those established by Leander and believed by the colonists. The question is which one will prevail.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much for the wonderful six star review!
You've spent a lot of time on this chapter, and I appreciate that so much.
You hit well on the fact that Leander and the other leaders of Hokee are very much in control of its inhabitants, and have brainwashed them to the point they have trouble seeing outside the propaganda. You were clever to catch it!
There will, of course, be a conflict when the immovable object meets Archie the irresistible force!
Have a great week, my friend,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome, Rhonda, and it was my pleasure to spend the time on it. I am sure there will be a conflict and Archie will just have to rally the troops! Thanks for your reply,
Comment from rspoet
Another excellent chapter in the story
I was surprised by the number of people at 500
But unlike Archie, I thought there would be fewer.
500 people makes a good sized community
The dialogue between Ayala and Archie is very good
But I did stumble on the the line "No, silly..."
It seemed a little out of character for Professor Ayala
Personally, a natural breeze wouldn't be enough for me
out in a desert, but a solar powered air conditioner would help
Seems like Archie may be here to stay and have to adapt, like it or not
This is sounding a bit more like a cult, with an all powerful leader, Leander
If you remove an "n," you do get leader
If he's willing to commit murder, the whole society is flawed, IMHO
But we will have to let the story develop and see where it goes.
Interesting concept, developing very well
Definitely six stars
Nicely done
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Another excellent chapter in the story
I was surprised by the number of people at 500
But unlike Archie, I thought there would be fewer.
500 people makes a good sized community
The dialogue between Ayala and Archie is very good
But I did stumble on the the line "No, silly..."
It seemed a little out of character for Professor Ayala
Personally, a natural breeze wouldn't be enough for me
out in a desert, but a solar powered air conditioner would help
Seems like Archie may be here to stay and have to adapt, like it or not
This is sounding a bit more like a cult, with an all powerful leader, Leander
If you remove an "n," you do get leader
If he's willing to commit murder, the whole society is flawed, IMHO
But we will have to let the story develop and see where it goes.
Interesting concept, developing very well
Definitely six stars
Nicely done
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your brilliant review, my friend!
You've hit on several subtle themes.
First, all the names in this book have meanings, so good call on that.
It's amazing if you visit the adobe ruins, just how cool they are with the breeze thing, although the idea of a solar power airconditioner/powerplant is very good!
500 is a lot of people, and that's for sure. It's quite a sizable project. There's reasons for that, too.
"Silly" didn't quite sound right to me, either. Good call!
Now how long Archie stays is all up for grabs...he's not usually the "sit back and take it" type. haha.
Again, thank you so much for the review and six stars!
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, this is a fascinating concept a country within the country. I can understand Archie is reluctant to accept the whole thing. I'm looking forward to see how it will develop. Very well written. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Hi Rhonda, this is a fascinating concept a country within the country. I can understand Archie is reluctant to accept the whole thing. I'm looking forward to see how it will develop. Very well written. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thank you so much, Ulla. It is a new concept, but in some ways, it's been done by dictators in the past who try to change humanity. I'll play on that theme, though there will be a distinct twist to it.
As always, thanks for reading and reviewing,
Rhonda
Comment from Lu Saluna
Not just a colony within the country, a country within the country. Very interesting. That raises other issues and gives this leader more power than Archie probably envisioned. Really fascinating. I like the way the plot is developing, slowly, thoughtfully. Not rushing and getting to the punchline to fast. I like having a concept to ponder. The characters are developing in a nice well rounded fashion. Archie is getting slowing more agitated, I imaging he will get more so as his injuries improve.
I am looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Not just a colony within the country, a country within the country. Very interesting. That raises other issues and gives this leader more power than Archie probably envisioned. Really fascinating. I like the way the plot is developing, slowly, thoughtfully. Not rushing and getting to the punchline to fast. I like having a concept to ponder. The characters are developing in a nice well rounded fashion. Archie is getting slowing more agitated, I imaging he will get more so as his injuries improve.
I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Lu, for the brilliant review and comments. I'm glad it doesn't seem I'm rushing things. Some people felt I was rushing details, but it's necessary to move the plot.
Poor Archie is having a rude awakening when it comes to his country.
Again, much thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
More good stuff, Rhonda. The dialogue is excellent and just enough detail to keep me wondering what's really going on. Very clever writing. :-)
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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More good stuff, Rhonda. The dialogue is excellent and just enough detail to keep me wondering what's really going on. Very clever writing. :-)
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
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I am so glad you've started reading this book, especially since the Daredevil Girls is approaching an endpoint. I do so enjoy your reviews.
Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from Dustybones
Moving right along. At least Archie is getting up and around. I would never expect hospitals as such in this small place. I think there is going to be a reason people aren't healthy. Just a guess. Boyd.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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Moving right along. At least Archie is getting up and around. I would never expect hospitals as such in this small place. I think there is going to be a reason people aren't healthy. Just a guess. Boyd.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
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Close, but the people are extremely healthy. Very good call on the hospital. You are the first to remark on it. It was a very subtle element, but, yes, will be important later.
Thanks for the great review,
Rhonda
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I saw the two hospitals in the story. I just figured people were ill. Perhaps they are being treated with something to keep them healthy and young. Just a guess. Thanks for the update.
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You are very clever! Like I said, you were the first to alert on the hospital at all. It's like a Tardis, bigger on the inside than outside. lol
Comment from KjSilver
This is good. Archie has found himself stuck in the middle of a 'save the human race' experiment. Like a preservation, these people have their own law. Archie is going to find out, that freedom is special and not free.
Some issues:
Archie let her lead him down the dusty path and up a hill outside a gate. (Here, I would say the gate, to match the path, giving clarity to their location.)
"Of course. The cause is noble, and none of us would not be alive if Leander had not intervened." (Here, I sense that you would want to remove 'not'."
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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This is good. Archie has found himself stuck in the middle of a 'save the human race' experiment. Like a preservation, these people have their own law. Archie is going to find out, that freedom is special and not free.
Some issues:
Archie let her lead him down the dusty path and up a hill outside a gate. (Here, I would say the gate, to match the path, giving clarity to their location.)
"Of course. The cause is noble, and none of us would not be alive if Leander had not intervened." (Here, I sense that you would want to remove 'not'."
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you, KJ! I agree with your corrections! I had someone else notice the double negative earlier, then I forgot to go back and change it. I'm glad you noticed it!
Thanks for the wonderful review, and for your attention to detail.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from trumby
This flows very well. At all times, we're given JUST enough information to keep us interested, yet never too much at one time.
This cult (I assume that it is?) builds trust and faith as all cults do, then pulls the rug out from under you.
Is that going to happen here?
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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This flows very well. At all times, we're given JUST enough information to keep us interested, yet never too much at one time.
This cult (I assume that it is?) builds trust and faith as all cults do, then pulls the rug out from under you.
Is that going to happen here?
Comment Written 26-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2016
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Thank you, Trumby! I am so thrilled with the six star rating, and for your comments about the information. You're right about the fact I gave a bit of information to tease. One person thought I told too much, but it's just what they've been told over and over. There is more, as you suspected, and they will find out truth.
But, then, that's all I can tell you right now.
Thanks again, I do so appreciate your help!
Take care,
Rhonda