Mental Floss
Should One Floss Daily?42 total reviews
Comment from Loren (7)
Jay, you are so in your element when writing like this. Not necessarily the topic, but the human element. The emotions, the dialogue, the story line itself all mesh to make an intriguing, believable story. Personally, I'd like to see more stories like this coming from your pen. As to the storyline, call me naïve, but it took me quite a while before I could understand what they were talking about. I live a very sheltered life :) Congratulations on your placement, Jay. Well deserved! Loren
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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Jay, you are so in your element when writing like this. Not necessarily the topic, but the human element. The emotions, the dialogue, the story line itself all mesh to make an intriguing, believable story. Personally, I'd like to see more stories like this coming from your pen. As to the storyline, call me naïve, but it took me quite a while before I could understand what they were talking about. I live a very sheltered life :) Congratulations on your placement, Jay. Well deserved! Loren
Comment Written 22-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
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I'm thrilled you enjoyed Mental Floss, Loren. Thank you so much for the six stars. A lot of people found the story disturbing. There are a lot of stories like this clanking around. Many of them were in my "Down and Out in San Antonio." My hanging around here has been kinda spotty of late. I'm happy I came back in time to thank you for this super review!
Comment from Selina Stambi
Author notes ... I agree. But darn it, Jay, you talented writer, you - you are SO compelling. And no spags that I can see.
Of course this piece won. And of course I gladly hand over a six for an over lo-ong, disturbing story that pays two cents!
A well deserved win.
Sonali :)
p.s. Just read Bill Schott's review ... yep, he echoes my state of mind entirely! Peeping over my shoulder to see if anyone is observing me reading this ...
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
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Author notes ... I agree. But darn it, Jay, you talented writer, you - you are SO compelling. And no spags that I can see.
Of course this piece won. And of course I gladly hand over a six for an over lo-ong, disturbing story that pays two cents!
A well deserved win.
Sonali :)
p.s. Just read Bill Schott's review ... yep, he echoes my state of mind entirely! Peeping over my shoulder to see if anyone is observing me reading this ...
Comment Written 14-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
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Disturbing is right, and much too long. Otherwise, it might have finished higher in the winning group. I am so gratified that you read it for no member bucks. And then gave me a six! I am blessed.
Comment from gene roush
You do a nice job of introducing the the characters. And you have a firm grip on who you were. That's not an easy thing to do. I think it speaks you as a person--an evolving spirit.
I think that the story gets bogged down in some unnecessary details. An example might be, His eyes were locked on my mouth. "Wait, which one crossed the street? Chaunce or the car?" He brought the milk carton to the counter and reached for a glass from the cupboard.
I followed him with my eyes, incredulous. "What difference does it make?"
"Was Chaunce in the crosswalk?"
"And that, too. What's the difference."
Despite that, you keep touch with the on-going tension in your moral core.
It concludes well, with an honest evaluation.
Thanks for sharing I learn something each time in read one of your posts.
Gene
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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You do a nice job of introducing the the characters. And you have a firm grip on who you were. That's not an easy thing to do. I think it speaks you as a person--an evolving spirit.
I think that the story gets bogged down in some unnecessary details. An example might be, His eyes were locked on my mouth. "Wait, which one crossed the street? Chaunce or the car?" He brought the milk carton to the counter and reached for a glass from the cupboard.
I followed him with my eyes, incredulous. "What difference does it make?"
"Was Chaunce in the crosswalk?"
"And that, too. What's the difference."
Despite that, you keep touch with the on-going tension in your moral core.
It concludes well, with an honest evaluation.
Thanks for sharing I learn something each time in read one of your posts.
Gene
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Hey, Gene, thanks for taking the time to read this long piece. Yes, I think you hit on an area of weakness. Thanks for being straight with me about it. There was a reason for all of it. I wanted to show the arbitrariness of life and how it is often strung together by something as flimsy as chance encounters, and choices made as a result of them
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You have an honesty in this that I'm struggling to find
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Or that I'm struggling to express. Sometimes it takes a reader to tell me what I'm trying to express.
I don't know whether you would find it interesting or not, but I have a story published in a literary journal called Fabula Argentea. It's titled, "The Uneven Zen of Time," and here is the link to it (It's quite long, but some of the best stuff I've written): http://www.fabulaargentea.com/index.php/article/the-uneven-zen-of-time-by-jay-w-squires/
Don't bother with it if you're strapped for time, Gene. I fully understand.
Jay
Comment from Bill Schott
You took me on a dangerous ride, Jay. I think your style of writing is so encompassing that we readers fall into the story and fear for our propriety as well. I may have even given a cow-eyed look to see if someone noted my reading this story too closely. I remember that I had an opportunity to have a date with a girl satelliting that age when I was in high school and wisely passed on it. Over-sexed girls abounded in the seventies, but my morals were still being warmed by the Episcopalian fires of hell.
Great story!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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You took me on a dangerous ride, Jay. I think your style of writing is so encompassing that we readers fall into the story and fear for our propriety as well. I may have even given a cow-eyed look to see if someone noted my reading this story too closely. I remember that I had an opportunity to have a date with a girl satelliting that age when I was in high school and wisely passed on it. Over-sexed girls abounded in the seventies, but my morals were still being warmed by the Episcopalian fires of hell.
Great story!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Those fires of hell had a certain cockamamie value to them. Kept a lotta guys outta prison and extended the girlies virginity a little while. Thanks for reading Bill. I've been having some real problems with my computer, so I haven't been too active reviewing this month. I'll to get to some of your poetry soon.
Comment from Sis Cat
Jay, I am thrilled you submitted to this contest. I wanted to, but was too busy rehearsing and performing. I haven't forgotten your script and will get you my next installment of comments.
I felt refreshed to see you writing stories again--true stories from you past. I recall conversations and people like the ones you recalled in your story. I remember such days at the beach, and I have spent many hours, days even pondering the choices my friends and I made. We look upon the past with so many what ifs.
Your story reminded me of young men with whom I grew up. They played the dangerous game of having sex with girls younger than them. One bloke was later arrested and had to register as a sexual predator. Your story captured the misogynistic dialogue of young men--this odd mixture of desire and hatred of women, of reducing them to their body parts: â??You guys got a lot to learn. Put a bag over their head anâ?? they all look alike.â??
Although your story took place half a century ago, it feels like it happened yesterday, and I bemoan how little things have changed. Men and women still think this way, and we are faced with aspects of human nature which are unchangeable, although people should know better. I was taken aback by â??A gleesome threesome.â??
I enjoyed your details for dialogue and action to the best of your recollection. The PB and J scene with Barry was vivid and tense. It was filled with silences and shrugs that said so much while at the same time concealing. I can fell the guilt and second guessing over choices you, I, all of us have made, and coming to terms with those choices. You find redemption in accepting the choices you made.
Thank you, Jay, for sharing. I wish you success in the contest with this dark, disturbing Lolita tale.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Jay, I am thrilled you submitted to this contest. I wanted to, but was too busy rehearsing and performing. I haven't forgotten your script and will get you my next installment of comments.
I felt refreshed to see you writing stories again--true stories from you past. I recall conversations and people like the ones you recalled in your story. I remember such days at the beach, and I have spent many hours, days even pondering the choices my friends and I made. We look upon the past with so many what ifs.
Your story reminded me of young men with whom I grew up. They played the dangerous game of having sex with girls younger than them. One bloke was later arrested and had to register as a sexual predator. Your story captured the misogynistic dialogue of young men--this odd mixture of desire and hatred of women, of reducing them to their body parts: â??You guys got a lot to learn. Put a bag over their head anâ?? they all look alike.â??
Although your story took place half a century ago, it feels like it happened yesterday, and I bemoan how little things have changed. Men and women still think this way, and we are faced with aspects of human nature which are unchangeable, although people should know better. I was taken aback by â??A gleesome threesome.â??
I enjoyed your details for dialogue and action to the best of your recollection. The PB and J scene with Barry was vivid and tense. It was filled with silences and shrugs that said so much while at the same time concealing. I can fell the guilt and second guessing over choices you, I, all of us have made, and coming to terms with those choices. You find redemption in accepting the choices you made.
Thank you, Jay, for sharing. I wish you success in the contest with this dark, disturbing Lolita tale.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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I'm thrilled you enjoyed this--to the six-star extent. Thank you so much, Andre. I enjoyed writing that paragraph that so completely explained Chaunce in that context. Don't worry about the script. I'm in no hurry. How is the rehearsing progressing. What performance did you do. Tell me about it.
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Here's my performance of all three of my FanStory poems at the 27th Annual Celebration of African American Poets and Their Poetry in Oakland on Saturday. I am now gearing up to recite Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man" at my Voice for Performers Class at the Berkeley Rep School of Theatre. Enjoy.
Comment from IndianaIrish
I was so happy to see you in the in-box, Jay, and even more happier to read you again. What a spectacular story! I love the character developments, your always superb descriptions, and the flat-out feel of emotion. It's a fantastic contest entry, and I'm wondering if you're planning on submitting it somewhere--you should! There was one tiny line I have a question about--"framed by black mascaraed brows". I don't know if I'm wrong, but mascara is used for eyelashes. Brows are penciled with eyebrow pencils. Maybe you know more about makeup than me? lol
Best wishes in the contest with this outstanding tale, Jay.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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I was so happy to see you in the in-box, Jay, and even more happier to read you again. What a spectacular story! I love the character developments, your always superb descriptions, and the flat-out feel of emotion. It's a fantastic contest entry, and I'm wondering if you're planning on submitting it somewhere--you should! There was one tiny line I have a question about--"framed by black mascaraed brows". I don't know if I'm wrong, but mascara is used for eyelashes. Brows are penciled with eyebrow pencils. Maybe you know more about makeup than me? lol
Best wishes in the contest with this outstanding tale, Jay.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Karyn, thanks for the 6 stars. Thanks also for pointing out about the mascaraed brows. I changed it to "her brows penciled thick and black." I removed the "framed by" since, to me, "framed" means on all sides, not just the top. You helped make it more authentic, which means you made it better. Again, thank you.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay,
I read through this work, very strong once I got past the first couple of paragraphs and accepted my love-hate reactions to details. Some details enhanced the imagery and gave life to the scene, some got in the way, and I'm pretty sure which being which depends on who's reading what. (Yeah, not sure how useful that is, but I point out where I paused and my reactions along the way)
Overall, as I rode the roller-coaster of imagining this sort of conundrums and thinking to myself: gee, my teen years were pretty dull, I guess, I thought things like self-honest and potent, reflective and portrayed in a straightforward and thought-inspiring way. Audrey could never be me, but she was could very well have been one of my cousins. I recall a not so long ago moment of me talking to one of them and saying... so your thirteen? (cause she was filling out and fast) No eleven... and I look at her, and she's a beautiful girl, but a child. And it's so sad. The embodiement of male desirability, youth... even curves... but what about just being able to be a kid? Add in the desire to be accepted and liked and cool, and the hardwired pleasure associated with sex, and sigh.
I'm also reminded of one of the creepier moments in grade school, when a teacher.. seventh grade, told a male student my age... seventh grade... that he thought one of my peers was just gorgeous. She's a gorgeous girl. That's like twelve, and the male student (who I thought was one of the coolest guys my age ever) just tilted his head at this adult and kept walking. Lord knows what was going on in his mind; But for me, though I was horrified, I was grateful to have overhead it, because it was a real awakening on the ever present tug of war of temptation and morality, of things that mentally should repel, but physically is programed otherwise. As even as I was so angry at this teacher, I also recognized a self-horror at his speaking it aloud.
But I'm babbling-- so, in general, what I guess I'm saying is this work evoked thought and emotions. And here are my other thoughts as they came:
Avila beach as he had a week earlier, the day Barry and I ditched, which was two days before summer break.
(I thought here, the intro hook was rocky... Good details, but scattered. Especially a week earlier... two days... the hops between now, back then, one morning, a week... Not a strong hook)
acceptance. All I knew was I felt a heady and delicious danger being in his company. (Nice assessment of Chauncey, using his body contradictions to give impressions of his personality, especially as the rest of the painting doesn't do well to set him in good light so this gives him a humanized edge) I'm sure Barry felt the same, though we never talked about it at the time.
There were only two other beach towels, one occupied by a paunchy middle-aged woman[,]? lying on her back with her arm draped over her eyes. The other towel,
(suggest deleting this comma)
"Like there's anyone around us. You told Chaunce."
(By here, I'm very absorbed in your telling of this past happening. The details you give are strong, and I wish I could remember anything with such details. All my memories are these cloudy whisps of info, with a sharp detail rare and inbetween)
You same as invited her."
(It is kind of creepy... and the portrayal of it did well to evoke emotions that went along with the revulsion)
done? She went down on me on the bench press, for Pete's sake."
(Yikes!)
I nodded past him. "There's Chaunce."
(Good use of dialogue to paint the events of the past, in discussion, and then bringing our attention back to Chaunce.)
table." He finished without moving his lips, "He's comin'. Quiet."
(I am assuming that the age is early high-school, save for Chuancey?)
"You guys got a lot to learn. Put a bag over their head an' they all look alike."
(charming)
"It's not just her face. With her you'd need a whole body bag." Barry was proud of that, and I had to smile, too. (Reminds me of a friend of mine who was foolish enough to point out... the first time he saw me... his friend said, hey, you see the girl in the first row, and he said something like, I wish I hadn't. Boys. They are mean. Throw rocks at them. ; )
did in '56, the same ownership of depravity for which words were merely insipid derivatives. (wow that people like that actually exist. And nice tie ins with present culture and the past visuals to bridge the gap of odd behavior)
Where the ledge met with the handrail and the stairs, she hopped off, back onto the sidewalk, and grinning down at us, (she)? took the stairs, two-at-a-time.
her heels dug into his thighs and her spindly arms circling his shoulders.
(paused here...her heels digging?)
Audrey turned her face to me[,]? with a hopeful look. Barry stared. Chauncey
(maybe delete this comma)
Her voice (was)? just starting to change. Not as jangling and abrupt as boys', but a
"When I'm twelve." And without a pause, "Let's go, Blondie."
(Oh man, better and better. Geez, with the uncertainty of the age... possibly thirteen to more closer to eleven.)
"That's right," I said. "It would've had to. I was going into my senior year after that first summer, and it was after I graduated that you and I decided to join the Air Force." (This line of didn't seem like real exchange, believably said. I paused here, felt like it was said for my benifit)
The electricity between them could have lit the whole city of Santa Maria. Are you starting to get the picture?" (It was a little hard for me to follow through this section of the conversation. I had a hard time understanding what they saying)
"If it's all the same to you, my dear Audrey, I think I might just take the cookie ... without the foreplay."
(a very effective way to tie off this piece, with some humor, but a lacing of sadness as the cookie seems to endear flavor of innocence, in a situation that is complicated and thought evoking.)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Hi, Jay,
I read through this work, very strong once I got past the first couple of paragraphs and accepted my love-hate reactions to details. Some details enhanced the imagery and gave life to the scene, some got in the way, and I'm pretty sure which being which depends on who's reading what. (Yeah, not sure how useful that is, but I point out where I paused and my reactions along the way)
Overall, as I rode the roller-coaster of imagining this sort of conundrums and thinking to myself: gee, my teen years were pretty dull, I guess, I thought things like self-honest and potent, reflective and portrayed in a straightforward and thought-inspiring way. Audrey could never be me, but she was could very well have been one of my cousins. I recall a not so long ago moment of me talking to one of them and saying... so your thirteen? (cause she was filling out and fast) No eleven... and I look at her, and she's a beautiful girl, but a child. And it's so sad. The embodiement of male desirability, youth... even curves... but what about just being able to be a kid? Add in the desire to be accepted and liked and cool, and the hardwired pleasure associated with sex, and sigh.
I'm also reminded of one of the creepier moments in grade school, when a teacher.. seventh grade, told a male student my age... seventh grade... that he thought one of my peers was just gorgeous. She's a gorgeous girl. That's like twelve, and the male student (who I thought was one of the coolest guys my age ever) just tilted his head at this adult and kept walking. Lord knows what was going on in his mind; But for me, though I was horrified, I was grateful to have overhead it, because it was a real awakening on the ever present tug of war of temptation and morality, of things that mentally should repel, but physically is programed otherwise. As even as I was so angry at this teacher, I also recognized a self-horror at his speaking it aloud.
But I'm babbling-- so, in general, what I guess I'm saying is this work evoked thought and emotions. And here are my other thoughts as they came:
Avila beach as he had a week earlier, the day Barry and I ditched, which was two days before summer break.
(I thought here, the intro hook was rocky... Good details, but scattered. Especially a week earlier... two days... the hops between now, back then, one morning, a week... Not a strong hook)
acceptance. All I knew was I felt a heady and delicious danger being in his company. (Nice assessment of Chauncey, using his body contradictions to give impressions of his personality, especially as the rest of the painting doesn't do well to set him in good light so this gives him a humanized edge) I'm sure Barry felt the same, though we never talked about it at the time.
There were only two other beach towels, one occupied by a paunchy middle-aged woman[,]? lying on her back with her arm draped over her eyes. The other towel,
(suggest deleting this comma)
"Like there's anyone around us. You told Chaunce."
(By here, I'm very absorbed in your telling of this past happening. The details you give are strong, and I wish I could remember anything with such details. All my memories are these cloudy whisps of info, with a sharp detail rare and inbetween)
You same as invited her."
(It is kind of creepy... and the portrayal of it did well to evoke emotions that went along with the revulsion)
done? She went down on me on the bench press, for Pete's sake."
(Yikes!)
I nodded past him. "There's Chaunce."
(Good use of dialogue to paint the events of the past, in discussion, and then bringing our attention back to Chaunce.)
table." He finished without moving his lips, "He's comin'. Quiet."
(I am assuming that the age is early high-school, save for Chuancey?)
"You guys got a lot to learn. Put a bag over their head an' they all look alike."
(charming)
"It's not just her face. With her you'd need a whole body bag." Barry was proud of that, and I had to smile, too. (Reminds me of a friend of mine who was foolish enough to point out... the first time he saw me... his friend said, hey, you see the girl in the first row, and he said something like, I wish I hadn't. Boys. They are mean. Throw rocks at them. ; )
did in '56, the same ownership of depravity for which words were merely insipid derivatives. (wow that people like that actually exist. And nice tie ins with present culture and the past visuals to bridge the gap of odd behavior)
Where the ledge met with the handrail and the stairs, she hopped off, back onto the sidewalk, and grinning down at us, (she)? took the stairs, two-at-a-time.
her heels dug into his thighs and her spindly arms circling his shoulders.
(paused here...her heels digging?)
Audrey turned her face to me[,]? with a hopeful look. Barry stared. Chauncey
(maybe delete this comma)
Her voice (was)? just starting to change. Not as jangling and abrupt as boys', but a
"When I'm twelve." And without a pause, "Let's go, Blondie."
(Oh man, better and better. Geez, with the uncertainty of the age... possibly thirteen to more closer to eleven.)
"That's right," I said. "It would've had to. I was going into my senior year after that first summer, and it was after I graduated that you and I decided to join the Air Force." (This line of didn't seem like real exchange, believably said. I paused here, felt like it was said for my benifit)
The electricity between them could have lit the whole city of Santa Maria. Are you starting to get the picture?" (It was a little hard for me to follow through this section of the conversation. I had a hard time understanding what they saying)
"If it's all the same to you, my dear Audrey, I think I might just take the cookie ... without the foreplay."
(a very effective way to tie off this piece, with some humor, but a lacing of sadness as the cookie seems to endear flavor of innocence, in a situation that is complicated and thought evoking.)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Avila beach as he had a week earlier, the day Barry and I ditched, which was two days before summer break.
(I thought here, the intro hook was rocky... Good details, but scattered. Especially a week earlier... two days... the hops between now, back then, one morning, a week... Not a strong hook) [I BROKE THAT LONG SENTENCE UP. SEE IF IT SOUNDS BETTER: "Back in ?56, Barry and I were too young to drive. Chaunce, who never divulged his age to us, though we knew he was at least twenty-one, drove us that morning to Avila beach. He'd also taken us a week earlier, the day Barry and I ditched, just two days before summer break." I do know what you meant about that, and these changes don't fully address your concerns, but helps, I think.]
The details you give are strong, and I wish I could remember anything with such details. All my memories are these cloudy whisps of info, with a sharp detail rare and inbetween) [I wish I could too. That's where imagination comes in. This isn't a bio, but a memoir, which affords more latitude.]
(I am assuming that the age is early high-school, save for Chuancey?) [No, my dear, I was going into my senior year and Barry into his junior year. I was sheltered and immature--more than I'm letting on through my character.
"That's right," I said. "It would've had to. I was going into my senior year after that first summer, and it was after I graduated that you and I decided to join the Air Force." (This line of didn't seem like real exchange, believably said. I paused here, felt like it was said for my benifit) [Absolutely. Agree 100 percent. It was for your benefit. I needed to explain the extra year's passage to account for his being in the Air Force. It sounded phony to me, too. At the back of my mind, I remember thinking, nah, no one else will feel the same way. Ooops. Laziness.]
I'll look over the major points you made. Very cogent ones. I've said it before ... a final edit can't be made till I get Turtle's review. Thanks, so much!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written story, my friend and confirms just what I expected--you are a gentleman and always have been. This is very well written. Best wishes in the contest. Congrats on winning the reviewer contest once again, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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A very well written story, my friend and confirms just what I expected--you are a gentleman and always have been. This is very well written. Best wishes in the contest. Congrats on winning the reviewer contest once again, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much, Debbie. I feel I've been shirking some of your posts. Sorry. I've been getting away from reviewing poetry though-- you being one of the few I read. Believe it or not, I've been away from FS because of my gardening. I've become addicted! Jay Oh! Oh! Thanks for the six stars. You are a dear!
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LOL, gardening is as addictive as Fanstory isn't it. I spent all last summer in a turmoil over which to do. Now that the ground id frozen, there is no question, but spring is around the corner. You are a dear too, my friend. I do miss you~Debbie
Comment from padumachitta
Hey Jayx
yeah a tad disturbing, and dark...but things like this, they happened...I tend to hope not as much today...but I am a fool at times...
sounds like it haunted you and maybe the others...but, life was lived fast and hard(no pun intended)...and you wrote it well and I am sure there are readers on this site shaking their heads or not finishing it ...good luck with it...
a brave and well written entry...you rock,
padumachitta
ps I have no sixes left or you have this bedecked with a golden star...
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Hey Jayx
yeah a tad disturbing, and dark...but things like this, they happened...I tend to hope not as much today...but I am a fool at times...
sounds like it haunted you and maybe the others...but, life was lived fast and hard(no pun intended)...and you wrote it well and I am sure there are readers on this site shaking their heads or not finishing it ...good luck with it...
a brave and well written entry...you rock,
padumachitta
ps I have no sixes left or you have this bedecked with a golden star...
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Hi, Jodi, thanks for reading and giving me your kind input. A surprising few found this as dark as you and I did. And never worry about sixes. Just reading is all my muse craves.
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hey you...did they read it? Sometimes ya gotta wonder...any way it is a good peice of writing...and life always has its wee dark bits...i just tend too use mine as autobiographical fiction.....:-)
Comment from Spitfire
Chilling is the word. I've heard hubby use some of those phrases when talking about sex. Girls are nothing but objects to these horny young men. Most telling is the scene where Audrey walks about the edge of a long drop. For me, this showed her to be unhappy with her life and I felt sorry for her all the way to the end.
Brilliantly written. I'm sure you can find a contest or competition for it.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Chilling is the word. I've heard hubby use some of those phrases when talking about sex. Girls are nothing but objects to these horny young men. Most telling is the scene where Audrey walks about the edge of a long drop. For me, this showed her to be unhappy with her life and I felt sorry for her all the way to the end.
Brilliantly written. I'm sure you can find a contest or competition for it.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the lovely compliment, Shari. Yes, I liked that scene as well. It seemed to have summed her up. I have no doubt she would have jumped with the slightest encouragement. And the strickened look on Chaunce's face was because he would have been tested and would have failed had she jumped. You are the second person, Shari, feeling this should be sent out. Thank you so much for the six stars.