Once upon the heart..
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Love's Lullaby"Love poems
28 total reviews
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello, Susan,
I must say I enjoyed the soft feel of this tender piece. It reflects, perfectly, on the special moments a loving couple of many years, may experience. I relate to this poem in many ways.
My wife and I have been married for thirty eight years, and our favorite time of the day is still bed, lol. Still, those quiet moments alone, when you can close out all the ruckus of the day and focus on your mate...well, that's a hard thing to put a price on.
I also appreciate the excellent phrasing you use to portray this theme...for those who know this type of love, your poem touches the heart.
I loved each and every quatrain, but the final was my favorite, especially the last line, "...love's harbor shelters from the storm."
Even though I am a crusty old gold miner, here in California, I still have a soft spot for a great love poem...well done!
Hope all is well with you,
Bill
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
  |
Hello, Susan,
I must say I enjoyed the soft feel of this tender piece. It reflects, perfectly, on the special moments a loving couple of many years, may experience. I relate to this poem in many ways.
My wife and I have been married for thirty eight years, and our favorite time of the day is still bed, lol. Still, those quiet moments alone, when you can close out all the ruckus of the day and focus on your mate...well, that's a hard thing to put a price on.
I also appreciate the excellent phrasing you use to portray this theme...for those who know this type of love, your poem touches the heart.
I loved each and every quatrain, but the final was my favorite, especially the last line, "...love's harbor shelters from the storm."
Even though I am a crusty old gold miner, here in California, I still have a soft spot for a great love poem...well done!
Hope all is well with you,
Bill
Comment Written 27-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
-
38 years!! Wow congratulations!!! What a blessing to you and your family! Thank you for such a wonderful review...I appreciate you taking the time to read and review. I seem to have fallen in love with the "love poems"...what can I say?...Just a mushy wushy romantic at heart! and 6 stars! You are tooooooo kind :-) (it's ok)
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Susan, you have composed another outstanding love poem. Exceptional internal and external rhymes with the first and third lines in each stanza. This entire poem is very poignant with the message of love. Two people in love share together life's ups and downs by sheltering and nurturing their emotions. Susan, with that being said, my two favorite lines are these:
*Sleep well my dear, I'm always near
to comfort now, and keep you warm....
It's the meaning of your beautiful piece of poetry. You keep getting better with each write my friend.
Take care and have a great Sunday, Susan.....hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
|
Susan, you have composed another outstanding love poem. Exceptional internal and external rhymes with the first and third lines in each stanza. This entire poem is very poignant with the message of love. Two people in love share together life's ups and downs by sheltering and nurturing their emotions. Susan, with that being said, my two favorite lines are these:
*Sleep well my dear, I'm always near
to comfort now, and keep you warm....
It's the meaning of your beautiful piece of poetry. You keep getting better with each write my friend.
Take care and have a great Sunday, Susan.....hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 26-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
-
Jim, thank you so much for another amazing review and for being such a loyal reviewer!!! I so appreciate you!
Comment from marybell1
A beautifully lullaby that flowed and rhymed nicely. What a wonderful way to be comforted and to look forward to tomorrow.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
 |
A beautifully lullaby that flowed and rhymed nicely. What a wonderful way to be comforted and to look forward to tomorrow.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
-
thank you so much for for reading and for the review!! i do appreciate you taking the time :-)
-
You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
Comment from Bill Schott
I clicked wrong. Here's a five. Happy day. And now for some words to create enough space so that this will be accepted as a comment.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
|
I clicked wrong. Here's a five. Happy day. And now for some words to create enough space so that this will be accepted as a comment.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
-
Thanks Bill.....what do I need to fix it???
-
I've corrected your stars. :)
-
LOL....I knew you did :-) ...stars don't matter, friends do!
Comment from Pantygynt
A sweet and lovely piece proceeding from your incurably romantic soul. Written almost entirely in iambic tetrameters there is one line that you seem to want to substitute as trochaic,
"Steady heartbeats thrum, till we sleep."
The truly trochaic version would probably be written as a catalectic line (a syllable knocked off at the end because we like to end on a stressed syllable. Consequently such lines beginning and ending on stressed syllables end up having one fewer syllable overall. Cut out the "we" in this line and you end up with a truly catalectic trochaic tetrameter,
"Steady heartbeats thrum, till sleep."
Another way round the problem is to turn the line into an iambic one by starting it with an unimportant unstressed word like "and",
"And steady heartbeats thrum, till sleep."
but be careful as this can weaken the line (as I believe it would here) while a metrical substitution, properly done, strengthens it.
"Shall nether fear cause single tear," Did you mean "neither" here? "nether" means lower as in "nether regions"
These minor imperfections can be readily addressed and I ssee no reason to offer less than five stars here.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
|
A sweet and lovely piece proceeding from your incurably romantic soul. Written almost entirely in iambic tetrameters there is one line that you seem to want to substitute as trochaic,
"Steady heartbeats thrum, till we sleep."
The truly trochaic version would probably be written as a catalectic line (a syllable knocked off at the end because we like to end on a stressed syllable. Consequently such lines beginning and ending on stressed syllables end up having one fewer syllable overall. Cut out the "we" in this line and you end up with a truly catalectic trochaic tetrameter,
"Steady heartbeats thrum, till sleep."
Another way round the problem is to turn the line into an iambic one by starting it with an unimportant unstressed word like "and",
"And steady heartbeats thrum, till sleep."
but be careful as this can weaken the line (as I believe it would here) while a metrical substitution, properly done, strengthens it.
"Shall nether fear cause single tear," Did you mean "neither" here? "nether" means lower as in "nether regions"
These minor imperfections can be readily addressed and I ssee no reason to offer less than five stars here.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2017
-
I am honored with the 5 stars from my dear friend!....This is a wonderful review!...you are a AWESOME teacher....let me research some of the terminology here..as well...not completely sure....and as far as NETHER...i did mean to use this word...as DEEP down fear...BUT if it doesn't make sense..tell me..Thank you for taking the time to read and review...and of course, for all the encouragement!!
-
I can see where you are coming from on your use of nether but it still doesn't seem quite right to me whereas neither works well. However it is your poem and a charming one at that
-
Did you say charming???? awwwwwwwww :-) love. Nope, you are the expert...I know i still need to learn...if neither is better...that's what i will go will. I value your opinion!
Comment from Ella25
I enjoyed reading love's lullaby poem. It is well written with good, flowing words. Love the image of the shining moon. Thank you for sharing. Very well presented. With love, Ella
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
|
I enjoyed reading love's lullaby poem. It is well written with good, flowing words. Love the image of the shining moon. Thank you for sharing. Very well presented. With love, Ella
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
-
Thank you so much for the review and such a lovely one at that!!!
-
You are welcome. Ella
Comment from sue133
A gorgeous love poem. It flows, it rhymes and it conjours up a beautiful, heartfelt picture of love. Congratulations. Susan
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
|
A gorgeous love poem. It flows, it rhymes and it conjours up a beautiful, heartfelt picture of love. Congratulations. Susan
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
-
Hello Susan ( love the name )...thanks for taking the time to read and review! I do appreciate it!...susan
Comment from MelB
Very nice abab rhyme, rhythm, and flow. A tender lullaby of love. My favorite line is the last one - love's harbor shelters from the storm.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
|
Very nice abab rhyme, rhythm, and flow. A tender lullaby of love. My favorite line is the last one - love's harbor shelters from the storm.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2017
-
thank you so very much for this wonderful review!! i do appreciate you taking the time to do so! :-))))
Comment from Richard J
Yes, indeed, Lady Susan, it is a most enthrallingly beautiful, sensually fetching, wonderfully worded composition, with a warm honey-like flow and spot-on rhymes few can perform with the skill you do.
An absolutely gorgeous piece of writing, Susan, presented with creative and alluring taste in font, color, and an introductory image that virtually matches the feelings your poem so sweetly prompts in the imagination and heart.
Another tenderly embracing masterpiece from the Lady of Romance ... thank you ever-so warmly for treating us with your lovely pen-craft! ~ Richard : )
(psst! maybe, make the font one size larger for those of us whose headlights are getting dimmer these days ... LOL!)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
|
Yes, indeed, Lady Susan, it is a most enthrallingly beautiful, sensually fetching, wonderfully worded composition, with a warm honey-like flow and spot-on rhymes few can perform with the skill you do.
An absolutely gorgeous piece of writing, Susan, presented with creative and alluring taste in font, color, and an introductory image that virtually matches the feelings your poem so sweetly prompts in the imagination and heart.
Another tenderly embracing masterpiece from the Lady of Romance ... thank you ever-so warmly for treating us with your lovely pen-craft! ~ Richard : )
(psst! maybe, make the font one size larger for those of us whose headlights are getting dimmer these days ... LOL!)
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
-
:) Thank you Richard for reading and taking the time to compose another wonderful review! I do appreciate you! Thank you for all the positive encouragement...it truly makes me smile. I am so pleased you enjoy my simple writings....sigh , Lady of Romance??...well, I don't know about that!...but sure was nice to read . That really made me feel good about my skills.:-) Yes, I changed the font...thanks for the hint. hugs. ( 6 stars? :-))))))))..
-
Much better ... thanks a million, Susan! : )
-
Ten 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 if they'd let me, Susan! : )
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
It reads so easy and smooth just like a lullaby would. Very nicely done and I admire anyone that can do the internal rhyming. Excellent
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
|
It reads so easy and smooth just like a lullaby would. Very nicely done and I admire anyone that can do the internal rhyming. Excellent
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
-
Good morning Barb, thank you for such a positive and encouraging review!! makes me smile! :-)