tanka (empty bell tower)
For whom the bell tolls?78 total reviews
Comment from Grasshopper2
Hi Andre,
Your syllable count is spot on, 5 7 5 7 7 = 31 total syllables and adheres to the traditional format of short/long/short/long/long. Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. Your tanka is an observation of a moment in time you captured in nature. With only 21 words, you show discipline with choosing the best words to use. The pivot line is an excellent summation of lines one and two. Your tanka begins visually, before written words. The black and white photograph and white color of the font set a somber mood that whispers this is a gothic or horror tanka.
Michael
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Hi Andre,
Your syllable count is spot on, 5 7 5 7 7 = 31 total syllables and adheres to the traditional format of short/long/short/long/long. Your first two lines display a clear grammatical connection and reveal detailed imagery in the present tense. Your tanka is an observation of a moment in time you captured in nature. With only 21 words, you show discipline with choosing the best words to use. The pivot line is an excellent summation of lines one and two. Your tanka begins visually, before written words. The black and white photograph and white color of the font set a somber mood that whispers this is a gothic or horror tanka.
Michael
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Michael, once again for your review. It took me a month to write my first tanka from the moment I saw, heard, and recorded wind chimes tinkling on a barren tree. I originally was going to write a haiku, but the tanka gave me just enough wriggle room I needed. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Thal1959
Excellent! A fine metaphor of the wind chimes properly exercising the absent tower bell's duty of calling the faithful to prayer. It also hints at the reality that, at times, prayer and meditation can be better served in a tranquil forest than a crowded church. Very well done.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Excellent! A fine metaphor of the wind chimes properly exercising the absent tower bell's duty of calling the faithful to prayer. It also hints at the reality that, at times, prayer and meditation can be better served in a tranquil forest than a crowded church. Very well done.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Yes, sometimes a tranquil forest better serves prayer and meditation than a crowded church. Thank you for your generous, six star review. I appreciate it.
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It's always a pleasure tor reward a good work.
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi Sis Cat,
this is a beautiful haiku with the wonderful sounds of the wind chimes. I have played this background sound when I meditate.
Well done
Mary
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Hi Sis Cat,
this is a beautiful haiku with the wonderful sounds of the wind chimes. I have played this background sound when I meditate.
Well done
Mary
Comment Written 08-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Mary, for your review of my Tanka. I am glad the chimes help you meditate.
Comment from briannaellison
Nice job - you were able to capture a lot of feeling and scenery in a few short lines. I liked the idea of the empty bell tower preserving things - memories of other times, etc. Great job and keep writing!
-Brim
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Nice job - you were able to capture a lot of feeling and scenery in a few short lines. I liked the idea of the empty bell tower preserving things - memories of other times, etc. Great job and keep writing!
-Brim
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Brim, for your generous, six star review of my tanka which captured "a lot of feeling and scenery in a few short lines." I will keep writing.
Comment from nuthead
Nice! Clear visuals - the empty bell tower, its silence keeps the winter night calm, quiet. The pigeons tuck in and enjoy the quite as well. Bare tree. Wind chimes tinkling, clearly visible on the leafless tree.
I particularly like the first two lines, the images and peaceful feeling they evoke. I can see how all of these elements in this moment in time would contribute to the call to meditate.
You adhered well to the Tanka syllable format without being forced or unnatural. Enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Nice! Clear visuals - the empty bell tower, its silence keeps the winter night calm, quiet. The pigeons tuck in and enjoy the quite as well. Bare tree. Wind chimes tinkling, clearly visible on the leafless tree.
I particularly like the first two lines, the images and peaceful feeling they evoke. I can see how all of these elements in this moment in time would contribute to the call to meditate.
You adhered well to the Tanka syllable format without being forced or unnatural. Enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Thank you, sjharshenin for your review of my Tanka about a moment in time which called for meditation.
Comment from Janet Foor
This is beautiful Andre. I love chimes. I have some on my front porch in the key of "C". They remind me of church bells chiming.
I loved the bells chiming in the background in this piece.
Very nicely done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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This is beautiful Andre. I love chimes. I have some on my front porch in the key of "C". They remind me of church bells chiming.
I loved the bells chiming in the background in this piece.
Very nicely done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Janet, for your review of my "beautiful" tanka on chimes.
Comment from Bucketlist
Great job first tanka ! I could 'see' myself there, hearing wind chimes. I loved church bells but the sound is very drowning to those who live nearby.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Great job first tanka ! I could 'see' myself there, hearing wind chimes. I loved church bells but the sound is very drowning to those who live nearby.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Yes, church bells are drowning but I love wind chimes, too. Thank you for your review.
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Wind chimes remind me of Tibetan bowls. Enjoy
Meditating
You were welcome!
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Sis, this is a wonderful tanks poetry contest entry. In an area small town sits a vacant small country church with its bell tower minus the bell. I live in a senior apartment complex and each of my neighbors have wind chimes both front and back. We have our share of breezy to windy days causing such a great musical rendition. I find myself sitting outside in most weather conditions to just listen and lose myself in thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent thanks with our site. Well done Sis Cat my friend,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Sis, this is a wonderful tanks poetry contest entry. In an area small town sits a vacant small country church with its bell tower minus the bell. I live in a senior apartment complex and each of my neighbors have wind chimes both front and back. We have our share of breezy to windy days causing such a great musical rendition. I find myself sitting outside in most weather conditions to just listen and lose myself in thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent thanks with our site. Well done Sis Cat my friend,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Jim, for your review. I am glad my tanka reminded you of a bell-less country church and the abundance of wind chimes in a senior apartment complex.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your well written tanka Good job on its style. It reads smoothly with a nice flowing message. I really like the art choice. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed your well written tanka Good job on its style. It reads smoothly with a nice flowing message. I really like the art choice. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Jan, for your review and for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a lovely presentation. I enjoyed the chiming in the background and was quite impressed with your word choices. I think pigeons roost in peace was very surprising. Each line sets the mood for introspection. Good work.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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What a lovely presentation. I enjoyed the chiming in the background and was quite impressed with your word choices. I think pigeons roost in peace was very surprising. Each line sets the mood for introspection. Good work.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2017
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Yes, Louise, I impressed myself with the line "roost in peace." Thank you for your review.