Comment from --Turtle.

Exceptional

I'm having all sorts of technical difficulties today, and yesterday. I read through this poem. Really enjoyed it. The story aspect, rhymes, and pleasing flow held my attention. The length breezed by as each line added details to the metaphor, the counter contemplations and end conclusions.

Nicely done,

The(A)? traveller walked down the path, one fine clear summer's

And so[,] began to dawn on this, our thoughtful hiking friend,
(not sure, I paused on this comma and wondered if it might need to be removed, but I'm not certain)

or serve to Indicate at all, a thoughtful, guiding hand.
(is indicate capitalized for a reason?)

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018

Hi Turtle, I hope your technical troubles have resolved themselves while I was sleeping. Thanks for the great review. I think maybe it's a coin toss with the A/the thing. If it's any old traveler, then "A", but if it's a special traveller (the one YOU, Mr Paley, wrote about), then maybe it's "The"? Indicate is capitalised because I'm a klutz, and because I need to get my glasses prescription updated, so I can pick up on stuff like that. Thanks for the catch :) Many thanks for all your help. Craig

Comment from Gloria ....

Exceptional

You know this is such a vast subject and you've written is so well I could see the entire poem written into a bestseller. It's so much easier to absorb data when it's presented in poetry.

Excellent job Craig.

Gloria

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018

Thanks so much for the wonderful compliment, Gloria, and for the delightful rating as well. I have, on occasion toyed with the idea of a non-fiction work on "belief". Are you suggesting I could make it into an 800 page poem? ;-)

I'm most grateful,
Craig

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hello Craig,

I enjoyed this story poem, or as you call it, "a parable". Your longer lines are in fine iambic meter. I find the longer lines helpful in getting a story out with better opportunities for details. You have fine aabb rhymes that slide off the tongue like honey. Well maybe not exactly honey, but I thought that was a clever way for me to say it. I must make people think I'm sort of clever lol! This story poem is a winner to me. I love learning about history in poems.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments, Joy. They are like music to my ears. Well, maybe not exactly music, but that might make me sound clever! ;-) All your remarks are gratefully received - Craig

Comment from Linda Kay

Exceptional

I feel smarter just reading the notes - lol! The meter was perfect and the tone was well maintained through the whole, long piece. I think it would have been a good essay responding to Paley even if it was written in prose. It took quite a bit of talent to write it in rhyme. Good job, Craig!

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments, Linda, and also for the exceptionally kind rating. I didn't set out to make it that long, but it was hard to cover the ground with fewer words. I'm most grateful - your review has made my Sunday morning :)

Cheers, Craig

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very well written poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery with the art work. I did not see any spag or errors. Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thanks very much, Teri. Have a great weekend! Craig

Comment from Mary Hollingsworth

Excellent

I love this most philosophical piece which was so adequately worded and rythmatically designed. And the stiry of the Watchmaker finding a watch besides an unusual looking rock is so clever and then having him to choose the watch being that He was a Watchmaker. The rhythm and rhyme were awesomely done. Thanks

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thank you, Mary, for the lovely comments. It's an interesting little tale to contemplate. Much appreciated, Craig

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

SIX STARS virtual.

What a great poem to showcase the word 'daedal', Craig! I so enjoyed it. Who knows if the universe is all part of a grand, intelligent design, or if it just naturally occurred? It does leave a person wondering.

This is so very well written with excellent rhyme and a nice smooth flow. I love the queries throughout this piece. My favorite lines are:

- "and he who disappears, by definition, is deluded"
- "what purpose do male nipples have, or wisdom teeth fulfil?" ... haha

"Unless their failure should upon those claims discredit bring" ... perhaps it's just me, but I thought this line could use some commas (unless their failure should, upon those claims, discredit bring).

This is a terrific poem, Craig! It gets your reader pondering the universe, our place in it, and whether or not it's all part of intelligent design. ~~ Connie

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments and virtual sixer, Connie. Also, thank you for suggesting the commas to increase the readability of that line - I've added them, as you suggested. Much appreciated - Craig

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

I really wish I had saved a six for this masterpiece. The watch did not pop into existence, but humans did, and humans invented the watch. All major systems create themselves from the bottom up; they are not created from the top down like a thing (watch). USSR tried top-down market management, and it failed miserably, producing too much cabbage and not nearly enough toilet paper, for one famous example. (I wonder if large cabbage leaves would work as toilet paper?)

Once, Kruschev was visiting America and was shown a grocery store. He was amazed at the rich assortment of products, and he asked his guide, "How do they know to produce and sell?" He was serious. He really did not know why Capitalism and the free market, made up of all of us potential shoppers, is how you get so much with no guidance from the top whatsoever.

The system of food and all other supplies is run bottom up, from what people want. That's the answer he got, but I doubt he believed it, for half the populace in America thinks the market system is not as good as having the govt run everything. They need to get a lesson from Kruschev's USSR.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thanks for the kind words, and the virtual six, Phyllis. To me, it isn't a convincing argument (the watch one). For everything you can look at and go "Gee whiz!", there's another that makes you say "WTF?" :) Cheers, Craig

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem. It is a known fact that God made everything and that he maintains everything that was made and everything that will be made comes from Him. He is the creator of heaven and earth and everything on it.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

That's a rather bold statement, Sandra. It's a known fact in some people's opinions. And everyone is entitled to their opinion :-) Cheers, Craig

Comment from Susan Burger

Excellent

This is long, however I didn't lost interest while reading. It is clear why you are currently the #13 ranked poet. Your words and rhymes flow so nicely they create a beautiful melody.
I like your idea of taking an archaic word and creating a poem each day. Very ambitious!
Very well done piece! Thanks for sharing your work.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thanks very much for the lovely review, your words are very kind. I don't often write things this long, as I know it can be difficult to keep attention all the way through. But it didn't seem a simple thing to get the whole point across in less, this time.
Much appreciated, Susan - Craig.