Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 72 "Shana and Anderson fly to Texas."Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
28 total reviews
Comment from estory
The dialogue is good here, crisp and full of personality, and I like the way the characters and the moment come alive through it. You weave in all kinds of mysterious elements, the Russian mob, lots of suspense. I'm kind of walking in on the middle of this, but I thought it was a good chapter and this seems like interesting suspense. estory
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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The dialogue is good here, crisp and full of personality, and I like the way the characters and the moment come alive through it. You weave in all kinds of mysterious elements, the Russian mob, lots of suspense. I'm kind of walking in on the middle of this, but I thought it was a good chapter and this seems like interesting suspense. estory
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from giraffmang
And such things change on the flip of a coin or a gust of wind. A different car, a different guy... who knows what story we'd be having then...
to keep on your seat belts." - seatbelts could be a single word here.
"It's not a problem, but..." Anderson grinned, then continued, "This shy, - the second piece of dialogue after the speech tags should start lower case as the previous isn't closed off.
oilrigs can be a single word.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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And such things change on the flip of a coin or a gust of wind. A different car, a different guy... who knows what story we'd be having then...
to keep on your seat belts." - seatbelts could be a single word here.
"It's not a problem, but..." Anderson grinned, then continued, "This shy, - the second piece of dialogue after the speech tags should start lower case as the previous isn't closed off.
oilrigs can be a single word.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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I was worried earlier in the week when I didn't see you had reviewed me. Boy, and I glad to see this one. I have no idea what's correct or what isn't. My dictionary has seat belt as two words and it doesn't have oil rig in it, so I searched on the Internet and it has it as two words, the majority of the time. I wish they would set constant rules. LOL I have corrected the capital letter. Thank you.
Comment from SW Mcclellan
Wonderful story. The flow of it makes it easy to read and fallow. My one remark would be on the dialogue. I can't hear any different from one character to the next, it comes off as more of what you want hear then their own words.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Wonderful story. The flow of it makes it easy to read and fallow. My one remark would be on the dialogue. I can't hear any different from one character to the next, it comes off as more of what you want hear then their own words.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Hmmm, I will work on that.
Comment from Pamusart
Thank you for the summary and cast of characters. Not a lot of action in this one, but, lots more development of the Anderson and Shana characters. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the summary and cast of characters. Not a lot of action in this one, but, lots more development of the Anderson and Shana characters. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, you write well, and your style is easy to read with the dialogue sounding so natural. I enjoyed this and thanks for the comprehensive author notes. I only noticed one small thing I'll bring to your attention, and I'm not sure if it is an error, as commas are my nemesis, LOL
"I have a Grandma(,) too. ????? To comma or not to comma...
Thanks for the story, which I found a pleasure to read, Ana.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Hello, you write well, and your style is easy to read with the dialogue sounding so natural. I enjoyed this and thanks for the comprehensive author notes. I only noticed one small thing I'll bring to your attention, and I'm not sure if it is an error, as commas are my nemesis, LOL
"I have a Grandma(,) too. ????? To comma or not to comma...
Thanks for the story, which I found a pleasure to read, Ana.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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I HATE commas. Most of my mistakes are with commas. I will check that area out.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Barbara
As the lovers continue to dance around each other, things are ramping up in the 'outside' world. The complications pile up, as the Russian mob present a real danger to Anderson's businesses. Shana is so sensitive that she will, naturally, carry the guilt for all this no matter what Anderson does to reassure her. Nice pacing in the chapter!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi, Barbara
As the lovers continue to dance around each other, things are ramping up in the 'outside' world. The complications pile up, as the Russian mob present a real danger to Anderson's businesses. Shana is so sensitive that she will, naturally, carry the guilt for all this no matter what Anderson does to reassure her. Nice pacing in the chapter!
:) Bev
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your encouraging support.
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You're very welcome, Barbara.
Comment from Swampfox1
This grabs the interest right away, especially right there with the young girl at the airport and talking to her grandmother. I like the line/part " "I have a Grandma too. She's a sweet lady, but nobody argues with her." Anderson grinned. " Very smooth writing, it flows well. I like it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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This grabs the interest right away, especially right there with the young girl at the airport and talking to her grandmother. I like the line/part " "I have a Grandma too. She's a sweet lady, but nobody argues with her." Anderson grinned. " Very smooth writing, it flows well. I like it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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you're welcome
Comment from Paws4FX
Hi Barbara, this is a good chapter. The dialogue is believable and flows naturally, despite there not being a great deal of action. What I would recommend though is adding some beats to your dialogue, to give us a better feel for what your characters are feeling and thinking. You have some of this, but there are stretches where it feels a little disembodied. Overall, a good chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Barbara, this is a good chapter. The dialogue is believable and flows naturally, despite there not being a great deal of action. What I would recommend though is adding some beats to your dialogue, to give us a better feel for what your characters are feeling and thinking. You have some of this, but there are stretches where it feels a little disembodied. Overall, a good chapter.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Some posts do have a lot of action, but sometimes I need to use posts to give my reviewers information. This is one of those posts. Thank you.
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I didn?t mean not a lot of action to be a negative, I was trying to say that despite it being a mostly informative chapter, it still had good flow and a nice pace.
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I didn't take it as negative. Sorry, if I implied that I did. I was just letting your know sometimes there is action.
Comment from Harry Smith
I liked the picture selection. The chapter is very well written with lots and lots of imagery and emotions. The reader really enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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I liked the picture selection. The chapter is very well written with lots and lots of imagery and emotions. The reader really enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Zue65
I loved this post so much, the peace and quiet, the familiarity and the openness of the conversation between Shana and Drew is so comforting that I only wish the best for this couple. I will wait eagerly for the next post. Very well done.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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I loved this post so much, the peace and quiet, the familiarity and the openness of the conversation between Shana and Drew is so comforting that I only wish the best for this couple. I will wait eagerly for the next post. Very well done.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.