Shadows in the Mist
Remember the fallen in all wars.16 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Interesting notes - and a fine tribute poem with excellent rhymes, as befitting this contest.
This sounds awesome read aloud. The rich detail brings it to life. The phonetics are superb as well.
There are a couple of lines with reverse syntax (a device I am rarely a fan of) but most readers might like them.
The flow is good, though I suggest not using this comma in line one:
Cold winds blow,(no ,) even snow
Great lines and fine alliteration but note one spag suggestion:
Bumfluff ghosts shed no tear(s)
Waiting for waning moon
Love the slant rhymes of lawn, forlorn, gone and morn.
Poignant lines:
Ghostly hands touch living places
Love from above welcoming morn
Noting the elder's POV makes a good penultimate stanza shifting into a younger perspective in the closing: (note one spag):
Young cadets, serious faces shining
Stand to attention at bugler's call
Almost children(,) these cadets pining
To grow into men and women soldier's all
Great job! Thanks for inviting me to read this.
Superb presentation as well.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Interesting notes - and a fine tribute poem with excellent rhymes, as befitting this contest.
This sounds awesome read aloud. The rich detail brings it to life. The phonetics are superb as well.
There are a couple of lines with reverse syntax (a device I am rarely a fan of) but most readers might like them.
The flow is good, though I suggest not using this comma in line one:
Cold winds blow,(no ,) even snow
Great lines and fine alliteration but note one spag suggestion:
Bumfluff ghosts shed no tear(s)
Waiting for waning moon
Love the slant rhymes of lawn, forlorn, gone and morn.
Poignant lines:
Ghostly hands touch living places
Love from above welcoming morn
Noting the elder's POV makes a good penultimate stanza shifting into a younger perspective in the closing: (note one spag):
Young cadets, serious faces shining
Stand to attention at bugler's call
Almost children(,) these cadets pining
To grow into men and women soldier's all
Great job! Thanks for inviting me to read this.
Superb presentation as well.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2018
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Hello Possum, You just can't stay away from the keyboard! How is your hand etc.? Thanks so much for your kind review and editing too. love, Kay XX
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Thanks, dear. I love making others happy more than my own comfort! But my thumb is improving and I am able to type now without it aching too much. Love, rd
Comment from karenina
A haunting beautifully penned poem honoring Australian vets...every veteran deserves our honor and respect...and heartfelt thanks. So many died on the battlefield--so many came home and never found their life again....
Karenina
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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A haunting beautifully penned poem honoring Australian vets...every veteran deserves our honor and respect...and heartfelt thanks. So many died on the battlefield--so many came home and never found their life again....
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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Hello Karenina, Thanks so much for your kind review. We are free because they sacrificed their lives. Bless you, Kay.
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
What a wonderful topic of choice for your poem. This is a fine entry for the rhyming poetry contest. I loved the visual imagery and details you wrote. Best of luck in this contest.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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What a wonderful topic of choice for your poem. This is a fine entry for the rhyming poetry contest. I loved the visual imagery and details you wrote. Best of luck in this contest.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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Cindy, Thank you so much for reading. Glad you enjoyed my poem. Cheers, Kay.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
The ghosts of all wars gather to give honor to their fallen brothers even as their aged comrades join them to pay earthly honor. I love the soundless drummer and boy-men willing to risk their lives for pocket change and adventure. Beautifully written, Kay. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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The ghosts of all wars gather to give honor to their fallen brothers even as their aged comrades join them to pay earthly honor. I love the soundless drummer and boy-men willing to risk their lives for pocket change and adventure. Beautifully written, Kay. :) Nancy
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Bless you Mrs K.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written rhyming poem you have penned for the rhyming poem contest. You used very good descriptive and informative words with great art work. Best wishes in the contest! love, Teri
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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This is a very well written rhyming poem you have penned for the rhyming poem contest. You used very good descriptive and informative words with great art work. Best wishes in the contest! love, Teri
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Teri, Thanks so much for your kind review. Love, Kay.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Rhyming Poetry writing prompt.
Your well rhymed verse tells the sad story of war very well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Rhyming Poetry writing prompt.
Your well rhymed verse tells the sad story of war very well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Sharon, Thanks so much for you kind review and good wishes. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from zanya
A poignant, evocative, rhyming poem reminding us of the horror of war and the sacrifices made 'Every soldier played their part' and a striking youthful face reminding us of the youthful toll of war
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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A poignant, evocative, rhyming poem reminding us of the horror of war and the sacrifices made 'Every soldier played their part' and a striking youthful face reminding us of the youthful toll of war
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Zanya, Thanks so much for your heartfelt review. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from Sherman541
Very nicely rhymed and a very nice story within a poem about your soldiers going home and being honored by the others. Then the bugler plays. Very nicely written. Sherman541
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Very nicely rhymed and a very nice story within a poem about your soldiers going home and being honored by the others. Then the bugler plays. Very nicely written. Sherman541
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Sherman, Thanks so much for your kind review. Blessings, Kay.
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you are welcome:)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A great tribute to solders in your country and around the world. Your poem speaks of they cycle that perpetuates as new war has the same terrible effect on men and their families, my favourite stanza:
Tears run down creased faces
Remembering mates all gone
Ghostly hands touch living places
Love from above welcoming morn
Very sad rememberances, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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A great tribute to solders in your country and around the world. Your poem speaks of they cycle that perpetuates as new war has the same terrible effect on men and their families, my favourite stanza:
Tears run down creased faces
Remembering mates all gone
Ghostly hands touch living places
Love from above welcoming morn
Very sad rememberances, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Dolly, Thanks so much for your kind review, glad you liked that stanza. Love, Kay.XX
Comment from l.raven
HI Kace, two things I donate to...are animal shelters...and the veterans of the us...these men and women are to be honored and loved for giving their lives to our counties...I love your poem Sweetie Pie...and love your picture....just a boy...very well spoken you...and very well written...God Bless...love you...you...Linda...xxoo
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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HI Kace, two things I donate to...are animal shelters...and the veterans of the us...these men and women are to be honored and loved for giving their lives to our counties...I love your poem Sweetie Pie...and love your picture....just a boy...very well spoken you...and very well written...God Bless...love you...you...Linda...xxoo
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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G'day Wombat! So pleased you liked my poem (took me ages to nut it out) without these brave men and women, where would we be today? It is a gorgeous old photo of the boy soldier, I couldn't resist posting it. Hope all is well with you my buddy up in La La Land. Hee, Hee, luv ya kid! XXXX Kace.
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Hi Sweetie Pie, it truly is a gorgeous picture...I know what you mean...they are who save and protect us...I am fine you...one day at a time here in La La Land...LOL...and I hope you are doing well down under...LOL...love ya too Trixie...LOL...xxoo
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Prayers please; see the specialist next Tuesday about another hernia surgery. :-0 XXK.
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OMG Kace, of course I will pray for you...you are always in my prayers...I mean that...God Bless my sweet one...all will be good...love youuuuuuu...xxoo