Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

This far into your year of poems and still writing long ones, that in itself is a feat Craig, well done . You tell a good tale through these verses and great use of this day's word - singultus - made me smile.
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 18-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks very much, Valda. I'm as surprised as you, I thought it would be all 5-7-5s or one-line poems by now :) Most grateful, Craig

Comment from Kerry Wanstall

Exceptional

Craig, you've outdone yourself with this one. It's a cracker! You skilfully drew me in, with the first few Stanzas, to think that you were writing a serious poem about the biblical account of creation then, suddenly, the whammy. Using the humourous twist you've introduced in the last few Stanzas, you've made such a good point about man the "fool" and how we have the potential to destroy everything on our planet.

What a wonderful word "singultus" is. Sounds so much more sophisticated than "hiccup". LOL

Kerry

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2018

I believe doctors are quite fond of the term "singultus", Kerry. I guess that makes sense - it would be a bit beneath them to use a crass term like "hiccup" lol

Many thanks for the wonderful comments, and the lovely rating. And here I was, congratulating myself on being the only person to still be in possession of one at this late stage of the week :)

Most grateful,
Craig

Comment from Air Spirit

Excellent

A cleverly thought out poem, in both form and content. I enjoyed the rhythmic and lyrical way the poem sounded in describing the creation of God's Earth. Because, I believe God did it with deliberate joy.. deliberate in what was to be delivered and created, but joy in what had been artistically been given birth.. Your ending is excellent: "...Here ends the tale of what once was,
and what could well have been;
do you suppose Elohim thinks,
"I wish I could start clean?." It is deliberative, creative, and perhaps wishful thinking?? A delightful and inspiration piece... :)

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2018

Thank you very much for the kind comments, which are most gratefully received. As to whether anyone would deliberately create a creature such as man... questionable, in my opinion :) Cheers, Craig

Comment from frogbook

Excellent

This was a very well written and captivating piece of poetry. Much enjoyed the smooth rhyme as well as the interesting content. The picture draws one's interest to the poem also.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2018

Thanks very much for the kind remarks - most grateful. Craig

Comment from MissMerri

Exceptional

A most entertaining story from the man who claims there is no God, therefore there can be no "hiccup." LOL You've told your own version with skillful meter and rhyme and plenty of imagination. I liked it and enjoyed reading it, even though I know God does not make mistakes... although He did, as I recall, once say He repented that He'd ever made man. But in the end, all will be made right again, and the wayward fools will be brought around to righteousness. I believe, anyway, that's the end of the story as I read it in the Bible. You know your Bible Craig, and you know how to write creative stories. This is a good entry in the contest. Best wishes for a great outcome for your creation. ;")

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018

Ah, you caught me out, MM!

I'm thinking we agree on one thing - the story is half true. We just disagree about which half ;-) Well, maybe two things - we agree someone created someone in his own image...

Many thanks for the lovely review, the kind comments and the shiny stars - all of them much appreciated!

Craig

Comment from estory

Excellent

It's an interesting piece, kind of in a Twelve Days of Christmas format, and you recapture the poetry of Genesis in the formation of the world. Then you ask that question, Was it a screw up to make man, and all these problems that came out of that? I don't think God thinks it was a screwup; after all, it was the devil that ruined what could have been a wonderful creation. And he went out and saved it, with his own life, so he thinks its valuable enough. In the long story of man, the tragedies, the struggles to rise above the world, maturity is born. The last act is yet to be played, so when the curtain goes down, we'll see where we end up then. The important thing to strive for is giving yourself away, for the sake of others. Jesus said: "Whoever would be greatest among you must be the servant of all; like the Son of Man, who came not to be served, but to serve." estory

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018

Turns out we both think around about half of the poem was true then - we just disagree which half. I'd say man IS a screw-up, but the blame is on himself. The rest, well, it's just retelling an old tale. Thanks for the thoughtful review - Craig

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Suggestion : S6, L3 -"...from dust land creatures then were formed..." for a smoother flow because the stress is now on the right syllable, yes?

Oh man, if ever I wished I had a six! This is MARVELOUS! Sadly, I was out of them by Monday...

Best of luck in the contest with this jewel!!!

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018

You're absolutely correct about that line - many thank, Dawn :)

Cheers, Craig

reply by Dawn Munro on 14-Jun-2018

My pleasure, my friend - I predict ... oh, I'll hush. Don't want to jinx it. :))

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem
and it is a perfect match.
you captured my attention from the first line to the lst
specially the line about man being a slip
thank you for sharing
Cookie

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018

Thanks very much for the kind review, Cookie - much appreciated - Craig

reply by misscookie on 14-Jun-2018

It was my pleasure
Cookie

Comment from catch22

Exceptional

Hi Craig, apart from knowing your religious stance, I really loved this poem. You used the 8/6/8/6 quatrains with steady iambic meter to good effect and told an ironic tale of creation. I find a lot of irony and deep thought in this write as well. The rhymes worked well in the form and you managed to get me thinking as well. Nicely penned.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the wonderfully kind comments and the delightful rating, Pam. There were quite a few reviewers who seemed to be with me until around 2/3 of the way through - that's no surprise :) Most grateful for your support - Craig

Comment from meeshu

Excellent

that is a really good word for today, CD. your writing is just as interesting, Genesis in a bottle and the appacholiptic hicough

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018

Thanks very much, Meeshu - most appreciated. Craig