Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Read through this poem, I had some trouble with the pace and flow the first couple times, but as I read it, I believe the pace I experienced was fast, that gave for a more urgent feel about poem. Urgent and another word that I'm having some difficulty pinpointing... not snarky, but pleased digging? like the pov is up and gleeful to see the wrongdoing turned around on the perpetrator. I was pulled along through the poem quickly with the ... enjambment?

None of this is stuff I'm thinking needs to change, more me trying to identify how I heard the poem because of the shape.

This poem mostly made me recall a very specific story. A case of the forensic files, (i.e... the husband killed his wife show)

In the episode I'm thinking about, the wife survived... but her husband had been trying to poison her with arsenic for so long, she'd developed a bit of a resistance to it. Not enough to not mess the poor lady up, but enough that she didn't die. It wasn't until the daughter accidentally ate some of the mom's food that the hospital pieced together what was wrong with the lady, as she'd come in several times with symptoms. What tripped me out about that particular tale was they showed a graph of what was fatal, and what was in her body.... was the highest level of arsenic in anyones bloodstream at the time

If you are curios about the guy I envisoned when I read this poem:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFSG4tO-O5s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77ako_XMCyk

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018

Hi Turtle,

Yes, I think it makes most sense when read reasonably quickly, and a complete sentence in a single breath. I watched the clips, and I remember from watching them a while ago - my other half is mad about forensics and crime shows -- which may be why I'm a very light sleeper! Actually, I'm just kidding, I've slept through many earthquakes. What a nice man that doctor was... it's astounding that she actually survived.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

I love tomato soup, I do,
but please leave out the poison -
can't find pure rhyme for that last word,
so have to go with 'parson'.

I could, of course, insert cloison,
but then it's not my language.
I'm anglophone, not francophone,
oh cr-p, I did it again... (*smirk*) (*but what difference does it make anyway... Are you grinning? Cuz I am. ) :))

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018

Well, in my soup, you will no poison find;
to do a person in is most unkind.
But writing verse about it can be fun--
I challenge you to post-haste show us one!

Thanks again ;-)

reply by Dawn Munro on 14-Sep-2018

Your challenge I'll have to consider...
the arsenic didn't get rid 'er,
and now po-po circle my dwelling!
But fret not - I won't be them telling... (*snicker; evil grin*)

reply by Dawn Munro on 14-Sep-2018

Con-sid-'er it done. :)))))))

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018

hahaha :)

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Craig. Yes, I would say that this would be an unhealthy diet. "Epinicion." I can see why this word would become obsolete. Good use of internal and end line rhyming in almost every other line. Marilyn

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018

Almost? Must be a regional thing, lol

Many thanks, Marilyn :)

reply by BeasPeas on 16-Sep-2018

Hi Craig. I re-read this one because of your response to me and wanted to clarify.

I thought what I had said in my original review was correct and it is. Internal and endline rhyming in every other line BUT I should have worded it differently.
1) internal and endline rhyming every other line
2) endline rhyming every other line.
Sorry for the confusion. A good poetry form that's interesting and well done. Marilyn

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Oh this is such a deep, dark poem, Craig. A little arsenic in the tea is good for gastronomy you say? Oh, what's this? I've got it backwards. Well who knew.

Great good scary poetry and written with your usual wit.

Much enjoyed. :)

Gloria

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018

Don't feel bad, Gloria -- anyone can make a simple mistake; here have a nice almond slice, and you'll feel better ;-)

Hmmm... I MAY have been watching a little too much Miss Marple lately, or perhaps even Murdoch Mysteries.

Thanks for a fun review, Gloria.

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

Oh, my! :) Now who would do such an awful thing?! :) It whispers to me of the old movie with Cary Grant entitled Arsenic and Old Lace -- hilarious!! :) ;) Thanx for sharing today's word in such a unique and interesting write! :) Yvette

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018

Thanks very much, Yvette, I'm glad you enjoyed. I'm sure I must have seen that movie, many moons ago. I recall the title, but not the story. Will have to keep an eye out for it :) Cheers, Craig

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Lol. Great job with the rhymes and internal rhymes and the boppy kind of meter that brings out the humor of the narrator's revelation of his enemy's dastardly deed.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018

Thanks very much, Helen. We can't take attempted murder too seriously, can we? ;-)

Comment from Rickie1

Excellent

WOW! I hope you made this up or called the police. The poem scares me. That's why it is so good. Nice job. Did you make this up?


must add 15

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018

Haha, yes... 100% fiction. Thanks very much :)

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

Very funny, CD. And quite Victorian sounding. I'm guessing
'epinicion' filtered through Victorian English.
I'm tempted to try to parse how this word sparked this poem,
but I know I'm not that smart.
Excellent poem.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018

Well, that makes two of us who don't know, Lee. I've learned not to try and figure out what goes on in my head... it can be a scary place :)

Many thanks for the great comments, and the wonderful, shiny stars.

Cheers,
Craig

Comment from Michele Harber

Excellent

Let's see ... a difficult rhyme scheme well executed, an excellent vocabulary, an interesting story line, and a sense of humor to boot. What more could I ask for? This poem is well done.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018

Thank you very much for the most lovely comments, Michele. I should write that checklist down, it would be a good reference for future creations :) Cheers, Craig

reply by Michele Harber on 14-Sep-2018

Glad to be of use! :-)

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem about a very unhealthy diet when arsenic is added to one's food he will certainly slowly dies a painful death. The one who feeds the arsene seems to enjoy looking how his victim dies slowly.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018

Thanks very much, Sandra. Apparently it tastes like almonds. I'm a little worried my other half left me a nice bag of salted almonds to nibble on :)