Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 115 "Haiku (summer tsunami)"Assorted poetry
20 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! That's great imagery - personification and wordplay plus internal rhyme: "hand that slaps the land." Good kigo (summer tsunami) and the terrifying tsunami does try to make mankind submit but we'll rebuild again.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Wow! That's great imagery - personification and wordplay plus internal rhyme: "hand that slaps the land." Good kigo (summer tsunami) and the terrifying tsunami does try to make mankind submit but we'll rebuild again.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Thanks, lyenochka.
Comment from nomi338
Smart. Since the earth is a living organism it sometimes has to act to relieve itself of a particular irritation. A tsunami is the same as a human washing away something that irritates its skin.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018
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Smart. Since the earth is a living organism it sometimes has to act to relieve itself of a particular irritation. A tsunami is the same as a human washing away something that irritates its skin.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018
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Thanks, nomi
Comment from Earl Corp
Gee, you've written a haiku that makes sense.. The picture you chose to accompany the poem is very cool and appropriate for the poem. Very nice job.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018
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Gee, you've written a haiku that makes sense.. The picture you chose to accompany the poem is very cool and appropriate for the poem. Very nice job.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Earl
Comment from BeasPeas
Water is certainly a powerful force. It does beat the land into submission. I can imagine the fright of seeing a wall of water coming. I think there may be a problem with the third line "into submission." I think usually the last line is not a continuation of the previous one in haiku. However, admittedly, I am not a haiku expert. Nevertheless, imagery here is striking. Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Water is certainly a powerful force. It does beat the land into submission. I can imagine the fright of seeing a wall of water coming. I think there may be a problem with the third line "into submission." I think usually the last line is not a continuation of the previous one in haiku. However, admittedly, I am not a haiku expert. Nevertheless, imagery here is striking. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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My understanding is it can run I to 2 or 2to 3.
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I didn't know that, Bill. I thought the third line was a stand alone line, but as mentioned, I'm no expert on haiku. Marilyn
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Ask six people you?ll get six answers.
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Agreed, Bill.
Comment from judiverse
Very powerful, and best of luck in the contest. Striking wording, especially "hand that slaps the land." Excellent description. Nice sounds with summer, tsunami, and submission. Very poetic. You do create a strong image of the storm. Excellent work. judi
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Very powerful, and best of luck in the contest. Striking wording, especially "hand that slaps the land." Excellent description. Nice sounds with summer, tsunami, and submission. Very poetic. You do create a strong image of the storm. Excellent work. judi
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Judi
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You're very welcome. Have a great Sunday. judi
Comment from damommy
Those waves certainly do look like hands. A good interpretation of this photo. Good poem with a good presentation. I like how you personified the waves. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Those waves certainly do look like hands. A good interpretation of this photo. Good poem with a good presentation. I like how you personified the waves. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Thanks, da. I?m calling it metaphor instead of personification as the latter is frowned upon in haiku. It all depends on who the judges are.
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So true. It's okay. They didn't hear me. lol
Comment from brenda faye curtis
A well crafted poem goes with this disturbing image. It does, indeed, look like a hand ready to slap the beach like a bug. I'm sure you'll do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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A well crafted poem goes with this disturbing image. It does, indeed, look like a hand ready to slap the beach like a bug. I'm sure you'll do well in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Brenda
Comment from Y. M. Roger
That's great, Bill!! :) :) Oh my goodness -- I can't imagine a more fitting description than that...can almost see Gibbs (from NCIS) smacking the beach-head as if it were Tony....or a Kardashian sister b*$ch-slapping her sister in an argument with sand flying everywhere!! :) ;) Great job and thanx for the smile! :) ;) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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That's great, Bill!! :) :) Oh my goodness -- I can't imagine a more fitting description than that...can almost see Gibbs (from NCIS) smacking the beach-head as if it were Tony....or a Kardashian sister b*$ch-slapping her sister in an argument with sand flying everywhere!! :) ;) Great job and thanx for the smile! :) ;) Yvette :)
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Yvette, for the excellent review, Bill
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku about the Tsunami. A most feared natural event that brings devastation to the land for miles ndet water and everything in its path swept away.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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A very well-written haiku about the Tsunami. A most feared natural event that brings devastation to the land for miles ndet water and everything in its path swept away.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Sandra, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
Good haiku here, Bill.
Exceptional word economy demonstrated in a 3-5-5 syllable count.
Lines one and two are grammatically connected and display good, concrete imagery.
Your "kigo", or seasonal reference is a bit vague.
On the average, two tsunamis occur per year throughout the world which inflict damage near the source. Approximately every 15 years a destructive, ocean-wide tsunami occurs. Earthquakes must cause significant vertical deformation of the seafloor in order for a tsunami to occur.
This can happen during a number of seasons, depending on the locale.
Your satori is interesting--more a continuation of the poem as a whole rather than that "Ah-ha!" moment of insight and enlightenment haiku are so well-known for.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Good haiku here, Bill.
Exceptional word economy demonstrated in a 3-5-5 syllable count.
Lines one and two are grammatically connected and display good, concrete imagery.
Your "kigo", or seasonal reference is a bit vague.
On the average, two tsunamis occur per year throughout the world which inflict damage near the source. Approximately every 15 years a destructive, ocean-wide tsunami occurs. Earthquakes must cause significant vertical deformation of the seafloor in order for a tsunami to occur.
This can happen during a number of seasons, depending on the locale.
Your satori is interesting--more a continuation of the poem as a whole rather than that "Ah-ha!" moment of insight and enlightenment haiku are so well-known for.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Dean. I typically avoid formats that require higher-level thinking. My tankas are so bad I had to rename them 'pranka'. I typically identify haiku-looking stanzas as 5-7-5s to escape the need of being correct at anything else than counting syllables. I will have to punch this one up to reveal a season and an insightful "beige pants show I shit my pants" moment. (tee hee)
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I included 'Summer" in the first line. It gives it five syllables, and I think it gives the center line a greater 'Oh yeah! That's it.' appeal.
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Hahaha, always a pleasure, Bill.
~Dean :)