Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Hi, Craig.

Enjoyed this poem, the word, the theme, and the use of a bible story to highlight the concept of children always trying to oneup or contend against the father.

Only one thought of suggestion entered my mind, and with knowing that my poetry skills are not ... well, I might be offing the meter stuff... but I wanted to suggest splitting the infinitive for effect/ flow?

Not sure, but ...


When Absalom took on his dad
it only served to make him sad.
(it served only to make him sad.)

 Comment Written 20-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018

Hi Turtle,

Thanks for the kind comments, also for the suggestion. Yes, I think there would be a meter issue going that way, as it would emphasise the wrong syllable in "only", compared to normal speech. Instead of:

it only served to make him sad

we would have
It served only to make him sad

As always, I'm most grateful for your review :)

Cheers,
Craig

reply by --Turtle. on 21-Dec-2018

Thanks, Craig. : D

I appreciate this, as it does help me get a better feel for where the emphasis is.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Wow. Pretty gruesome, but then as someone with long hair... (lol). Time for a haircut? HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm not sure the comma is needed after "flesh", but otherwise simply, "WOW", what a poem! Tiny, but packs a wallop!

 Comment Written 20-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018

I have ten days to go... I'm on the countdown, they are getting smaller each day ;-)

Many thanks, Dawn!

Craig

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

This is interesting, Craig. I particularly like the image used. These old "plates" are fascinating to me. The word of the day 'master-daddy' is one I've not heard before, but you've fit it into your poem quite well. Good job. Marilyn

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018

Thanks very much, Marilyn. Much appreciated, Craig

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Hi Craig,

Not being a bible reader myself, this is the first time that I've heard this story. 'Master-daddy' ... at first glance one would think that this term would be related to the father and not the precocious child. So, it's kind of an odd (almost mis-leading) word.

Thanks for a very well written poem and for sharing the story, and of course for making us all a little smarter.

Cheers,
Connie

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018

You, should try it, Connie. There's some funny **** in there ;-)

I'm just kidding, you're not missing much.

Thanks for the kind words.

Craig

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

If I were to pick a master-daddy, it might have to be my grandson, Eddy. He's four. I periodically post Eddyisms because he is truly precocious and must be in control of all situations. For instance you cannot touch any of the complicated tv remotes if he is in the house. He must control the tv, dvr, cable, roku, stereo, etc (there are 6). He is self taught, but has asked Santa for tv remote lessons for Christmas. You cannot turn on your own shower or hit the button to fix your own coffee.
Absalom is a great second choice. They should make a movie of his life-what drama.

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018

I think we have a similar number of remotes, Debbie. What's annoying is that these "universal" remotes, aren't. Many thanks once again. Craig

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

What an odd word! You did great with it. Fine flow and rhyming and great presentation. No nits. Good job !

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018

Thanks once again, RD :) Cheers, Craig

reply by rama devi on 19-Dec-2018

:-)))

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem. I do know the story of Absolom. The message for me is that we are free to do and think what we like but there are consequences for every little thing we say or do against others.

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018

That's a pretty good message to take away, Sandra, I have to agree. Many thanks for the kind comments. Craig

Comment from closetpoetjester

Exceptional

LOL
So I'm guess there is a moral truth to this story Craig
and that is:
Don't poke the Daddy bear!
Especially when he is adept at spear throwing haha
I enjoyed feasting on this fine, flesh rendering and as usual your poetry is engaging, quirky, original and without fail, flawless.

Merry Xxxmas, my friend

Cheers P

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018

Thanks so much for the early Christmas present, Phillippa. I love the comments, and the shiny stars :)

Hope you have a great one as well, don't overdo it!

Cheers,
Craig

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

One thing that turned off my muslim friend from the Bible was its very honest portrayal of fallen people. I personally appreciate that it doesn't sugarcoat real people with real problems.

The story always made me wonder what kind of father David was and how it was he overlooked what Amnon did to Tamar. One had reason to sympathize why Absalom was so angry. And then Ahithophel was angry with David for taking his granddaughter Bathsheba so he was happy to ally himself with Absalom. Then there's Joab - what a machiavellian to the core. He's the one character, I have no sympathy for. There's so much psychological drama in the Old Testament.

Great use of the Biblical story to use this word!

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018

A very long time ago, such stories made sense to me. Now, when people suggest this book be used as a moral compass, I just shake my head in bewilderment. How any moral lesson could be drawn from these characters is beyond me. The same goes for pretty much any story someone cares to mention. Anyway, it served its purpose in illustrating what the word means. Thanks, Helen :)

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Hey, Craig.... using Absalom was a stroke of genius... he was a problem child. Good job on crafting this and teaching us a new word.

all the best,

Melissa

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2018

I'm something of an expert when it comes to problem children ;-)

(Only said in semi-jest)

Thanks, Melissa!