Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

This is a very philosophical and sad poem in such few lines. It seems this person may be losing things he is working hard to gain.

Congrats for placing second in the contest.

Keep writing

Joan

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019

Thanks for the kind words, Joan. They're much appreciated :) Craig

reply by dragonpoet on 20-Mar-2019

My pleasure, Craig

Joan

Comment from closetpoetjester

Excellent

Your writes are never boring Craig!
Whilst the Cinquain is quite low on my list as a favourite form, it is mainly due to the fact most can't write one with any meaning or flow and they just come off as a fairly loose attempt with not much to cling to as a result. You know, no take home message.

You are SO different. Your word economy is sparing and perfect and even in a slight reverse syntax due to constraints, I get it, you have given this true meaning and a profound resination. The perfect accompaniment with the sand castle. Whenever you build anything on shaky terrafirma or with sub par or loosely based or anti glue requiring type materials haha...you certainly run the risk of it all tumbling down but not like a house of cards. More like a cake you don't cook properly in the oven and then you turn it out and realise it's still cake mix and then the arse just drops out of it and it oozes everywhere and then you just have a pool of cake.

Mmmm. I better go clean up the kitchen haha

Don't go building any poetic sandcastles now, Craig LOL

Px

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019

You mean it's not international Yoda week? Well, shucks, I wasted a good twisted sentence for nothing ;-)

Remind me if you should ever invite me over for cake, to pass LOL

Thanks for a lovely and most amusing review, P.

Cheers,
Craig

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

A great Cinquain poem Craig, the shifting sands of not only this gorgeous sand castle but the turning tides in life. Very well done with this one Craig,
cheers
valda

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019

Thanks so much for the lovely comments, Valda. Much appreciated -- Craig

Comment from Mr. Boozle

Exceptional

Very subtle in your description here. I can see why you did well in the contest and I am glad you are recognized for your work. I look forward to others.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thanks so much for the lovely comments and the wonderful rating. Both are very much appreciated. Cheers, Craig

Comment from MissMerri

Exceptional

The first time I read this, I loved it so much, I determined to come back to review it when I had the six stars it deserved. You have a knack for creating great metaphors and keeping it consistent throughout the poem. Your illustration is perfect too. I enjoyed this cinquain immensely. Now I see it has won second in the contest. Congratulations! I am not surprised.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thanks so much, MM. I'm extremely grateful that you were thoughtful enough to do that - above and beyond, I would say. Also, super result with your well-deserved win :)

Also, congratulations on having one of the very few entries in the limerick contest that was actually a limerick, even after the interference of the CEC. Of the surviving entries, yours should have won it. What a farce.

As you may or may not know, I won't be around for a while. I hung around a day longer than I intended, just to see how this piece (the last I have entered in any contest) fared. When (if) I return, I can guarantee I will never again enter a limerick contest on Fanstory lol

I appreciate your kindness very much. Wishing you a lot more well-deserved success :)

Cheers,
Craig

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This cinquain, Transience, has the proper formatting and reminds the readers that the wise man builds his home upon the rock.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thanks very much, Bill.

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Hi Craig,

Life doesn't always bump along the way that we think it will. We do encounter "turning tides" that can wash away our dreams. I love the symbolism you've used here. Very nice presentation, with very meaningful words. Great job, Craig!

Good luck in the contest. This entry should fare well.

Hugs,
Connie

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019

Thanks for the kind words and good luck wishes, Connie. Your support, as always, is most gratefully received :) Cheers, Craig

Comment from catch22

Excellent

Hi Craig, an interesting cinquain about self awareness and Hope, even when its built on unreal expectations. I see this poem as a profound statement for the changing nature of goals and need for resilience.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019

Thanks very much, Pam. I'm most grateful for the thoughtful comments. Cheers, Craig

reply by catch22 on 16-Mar-2019

You are very welcome. I hope you are doing well.

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019

When I turn my PC off and go out to do some training with the ponies (the important stuff) after breakfast , I'll be doing just fine. Thanks for asking, and I hope you are too, Pam :)

reply by catch22 on 16-Mar-2019

Hi Craig, do you train horses? I used to ride Hunt seat and dressage. I miss it very much. It's an expensive sport though.

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019

Oh no, I don't Pam. I'm not really a "horsey" person at all, although I used to ride hacks for pleasure many decades ago. We adopted three Shetlands a couple of years ago, to save them from the knackery. We now have five, and one on the way, although we've taken steps to ensure number six will be the last!

We need to train them to halter and lead properly, as the previous owner didn't do that, and one needs to be put on a trailer and taken to a vet soon. Plus, it makes hoof trimming and vet stuff very difficult when they are basically wild.

I believe dressage is not only expensive but incredibly demanding in terms of concentration and learning to work with the horse. Sounds like it gave you great satisfaction :)

reply by catch22 on 17-Mar-2019

I have always felt a connection with horses as a girl because they have an intelligence we do not have. They tend to have a sort of ESP and can sense emotions in a way humans often cannot. I miss those experiences very much.

Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Hi, Craig,

Read through your Cinquain here and enjoyed the use of line breaks and punctuated thought to lay down the image and tone.

Thoughts I had, some people know they are on sand foundations, and build it anyway, almost part of human nature. Some are blind to transition, and take sand for stability, and thus when things change, the whole world falls down.

Nice use of the turns of phrases in stacking the cinquain. Oddly, I find it in parallel to tone as something my daughter drew the other day. Mostly it was scribbles, but I asked here what it was. She told me, a man in a windstorm about to fall in a hole and die. Oh, I said. Then I asked, why is he smiling? She said, because he doesn't even know.

That conversation is what I thought when I read this... living blissfully unaware, yet maybe poor life choices.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019

I'd say that was quite a brilliant insight your daughter had there, Turtle... even if she didn't realise it. Children can amaze us at times. I'd love to play around with writing a poem about that... would you mind?

Thanks for the (as always) thoughtful review.

Craig

reply by --Turtle. on 17-Mar-2019

Please do use the theme, : )

I'd send you her drawing to use.

Comment from Debbie Pope

Exceptional

I think you have another winner here, Craig. You are so eloquent with the philosophical pieces. "Shifting sand" and "turning tide" are wonderful expressions that should win it for you. And the use of that photo was a stroke of genius. It's very sad though. At least you didn't kill everyone in the universe as you have been known to do.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019

I must have been having an "up" day, Debbie!

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments and the lovely, glowing stars :)

Much appreciation,
Craig