The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "The Piper, part 38"Young Adult Fantasy
18 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I saw you had a new piece up so I thought I'd go back and review the ones I'd missed. hadn't realised there were so many! lol
I'd use a centred ~ or# to signify the scene change from Burkehart to Piper, just for added clarity. Especially given that it's a point of view / perspective change as well.
Burkehart woke to the sound of voices.- I'd use another signifier before this as well.
generally it's best not to have too deep a perspective from different characters in the same chapter to avoid head-hopping and confusion. It's okay here as there's a change of scene each time but I would signal it more.
Be careful in these scenes as you're using direct thought for two different characters in the narrative. You want to avoid head-hopping.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi there,
I saw you had a new piece up so I thought I'd go back and review the ones I'd missed. hadn't realised there were so many! lol
I'd use a centred ~ or# to signify the scene change from Burkehart to Piper, just for added clarity. Especially given that it's a point of view / perspective change as well.
Burkehart woke to the sound of voices.- I'd use another signifier before this as well.
generally it's best not to have too deep a perspective from different characters in the same chapter to avoid head-hopping and confusion. It's okay here as there's a change of scene each time but I would signal it more.
Be careful in these scenes as you're using direct thought for two different characters in the narrative. You want to avoid head-hopping.
All the best
G
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you for catching up, G. I appreciate the suggestions about scene breaks and head-hopping. I'll go back and correct them in my main manuscript.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I sure like the idea of using music to help things grow. Piper might find his calling in life this way. This might be truer than we know: It doesn't appear to matter which instrument you play, drum, lute, bells, or lyre. As I suspected, the magic is coming from you.
I like the idea that this could be taken both ways, though.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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I sure like the idea of using music to help things grow. Piper might find his calling in life this way. This might be truer than we know: It doesn't appear to matter which instrument you play, drum, lute, bells, or lyre. As I suspected, the magic is coming from you.
I like the idea that this could be taken both ways, though.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the excellent review and encouraging comments. Yes, science has shown music does affect us and even plant growth can be enhanced by the right kind of music. I appreciate you stopping in to read and review.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
Another marvelous chapter as Burkehart lurks in the shadows.
Excellent detail and description of his frustration and painful injury.
The interplay with Piper and Master Crescendo is very well done.
You have a very good eye for minute detail which paints a convincing picture
and the connection between music and nature is marvelous.
I don't think it's been established why Burkehart has such a great interest in Piper or is it just his hatred for the elves from the elf/human wars.
He is emerging a villain, and an excellent villain he is. (though is wasn't really
clear in the beginning)
In the last chapter, the young hunter Raven suggested Piper was traded at birth for a human prince. I'm not sure who that prince might have been or if it is relevant.
Great chapter.
Robert
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Hello Debi,
Another marvelous chapter as Burkehart lurks in the shadows.
Excellent detail and description of his frustration and painful injury.
The interplay with Piper and Master Crescendo is very well done.
You have a very good eye for minute detail which paints a convincing picture
and the connection between music and nature is marvelous.
I don't think it's been established why Burkehart has such a great interest in Piper or is it just his hatred for the elves from the elf/human wars.
He is emerging a villain, and an excellent villain he is. (though is wasn't really
clear in the beginning)
In the last chapter, the young hunter Raven suggested Piper was traded at birth for a human prince. I'm not sure who that prince might have been or if it is relevant.
Great chapter.
Robert
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Hi Robert,
It makes me happy to hear you enjoyed this one. Thank you for the wonderful six-star review and your great analysis.
I appreciate you pointing out what worked and what questions you have.
I don't think it will ruin anything to tell you there is no human prince involved. It's just a way for the Elementals to tease Piper about being raised by humans in a human castle.
Burkehart will get around to telling Piper his reasons later.
Thanks again for your continued support.
Debi
Comment from Margaret Bednar
What a delightful chapter, full of whimsy but... Burkehart certainly has evil intent.
"his trusty flute at his side, a lute, lyre, and drum slung over his back, and bells " I just love the image of him with all these instruments!
Well penned and I look forward to the next magical chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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What a delightful chapter, full of whimsy but... Burkehart certainly has evil intent.
"his trusty flute at his side, a lute, lyre, and drum slung over his back, and bells " I just love the image of him with all these instruments!
Well penned and I look forward to the next magical chapter.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the gracious and encouraging comments. Sorry for the late response. I had computer issues last week and am doing my best to catch up.
Debi
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh, dear... this cannot be good. Again, I've not had the chance to 'catch up' with packing and such, but this Burkehart guy is now very high on my 'don't like' list over here! But I'm so very glad that Piper is REALLY finding out everything that is hidden inside of him... have a feeling that's gonna be a big thing! ;) :) A wonderful chapter, my lady, and I'm so ready for the Burkehart dude to meet some sort of untimely demise... lol! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Oh, dear... this cannot be good. Again, I've not had the chance to 'catch up' with packing and such, but this Burkehart guy is now very high on my 'don't like' list over here! But I'm so very glad that Piper is REALLY finding out everything that is hidden inside of him... have a feeling that's gonna be a big thing! ;) :) A wonderful chapter, my lady, and I'm so ready for the Burkehart dude to meet some sort of untimely demise... lol! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Hi Yvette,
I love your reaction to this chapter and the characters. Thank you so much for the exceptional six-star rating and the encourging comments.
Debi
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Captain Burkehart has found Piper. He can relax now, really? Is he getting a bad infection from the wound
he has on his hand?
Piper is only starting to come into his destiny or legacy or what veer you might call it. He has just discovered he has a big impact on plant life. What will happen when he plays to the insects? Well done, Debi. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Captain Burkehart has found Piper. He can relax now, really? Is he getting a bad infection from the wound
he has on his hand?
Piper is only starting to come into his destiny or legacy or what veer you might call it. He has just discovered he has a big impact on plant life. What will happen when he plays to the insects? Well done, Debi. Nancy:)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you for the lovely review and analysis. You ask some interesting questions.
Debi
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your post has a happy air to it. I could almost hear the music. I think maybe we need some fairy music in our society today. LOL I do enjoy reading. Thank you for sharing. I agree, "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want your children to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Your post has a happy air to it. I could almost hear the music. I think maybe we need some fairy music in our society today. LOL I do enjoy reading. Thank you for sharing. I agree, "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want your children to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Hi Barbara.Wilkey,
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. I've had computer issues this past week and am doing my best to get caught up on responses to reviews, etc.
Thank you for the encouraging comments. I am so happy to hear you enjoyed this chapter. I agree, we could use some fairy music right now. Stay safe in all the craziness.
Debi
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your post has a happy air to it. I could almost hear the music. I think maybe we need some fairy music in our society today. LOL I do enjoy reading. Thank you for sharing. I agree, "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want your children to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Your post has a happy air to it. I could almost hear the music. I think maybe we need some fairy music in our society today. LOL I do enjoy reading. Thank you for sharing. I agree, "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want your children to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Looks like a duplicate. Thanks for two reviews.
:)
Comment from Benny Beeharry
This is a fantastic piece of writing, I must say. I was expecting a Piper with bowed head for being an elemental but no, here is is someone with an extraordinary gift for music...so much so that even nature wakes up to her natural stature, not just a stunted thing we here. T is wonderful, I could feel the vigour in the words and expressions. This chapter is really lovely.
Well done.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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This is a fantastic piece of writing, I must say. I was expecting a Piper with bowed head for being an elemental but no, here is is someone with an extraordinary gift for music...so much so that even nature wakes up to her natural stature, not just a stunted thing we here. T is wonderful, I could feel the vigour in the words and expressions. This chapter is really lovely.
Well done.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Hi Benny Beeharry,
Thank you for the gracious comments in your wonderful review. I appreciate you letting me know who this chapter made you feel and for your support.
Debi
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Hi sorry some letters are missing here and there in my review. It is my iPad.it writes before or after me.
Apologies.
Benny Beeharry
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I understand. Mine does the same thing
Comment from Spitfire
Super description of Burkehart removing the bandages. you're teaching me the power of minute details.
So his music will encourage plants to grow faster. Charm them, you say. Is this going to relate of the famous story of the pied piper of Hamlin?
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Super description of Burkehart removing the bandages. you're teaching me the power of minute details.
So his music will encourage plants to grow faster. Charm them, you say. Is this going to relate of the famous story of the pied piper of Hamlin?
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Hi Shari,
Thank you for the wonderful comments, especially about the details. Thank you too for the super six star rating.
Well, I haven't hidden the fact the character is named Piper, plays a flute and lives in medieval Germany. I'm surprised no one has asked until now.
Have a great week and stay safe.
Debi