Released on the RCA Victor record label on January 13, 1975 "The Bargain Store" was written and recorded by Dolly Parton.

"The Bargain Store" was the first Single from her album of the same name, and Dolly Parton's fifth Number One Hit on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart. "The Bargain Store" remained in that position for one week and spent a total of nine weeks on the chart.

Interestingly, the lyrics "The bargain store is open come inside. You can easily afford the price," which tends to fit Walmart to a tee, caused the song to be dropped from the playlist of several Country music stations who viewed it as a thinly disguised reference to prostitution


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KING TUBBO'S EXAMPLE ESTABLISHED, I ACHED FOUR BRUTALLY AGONIZING DAYS AFTER I RECEIVED MY SAVAGE REBUKE FROM BIG BERTHA BEFORE I ESCAPED HERMITAGE HALL FOR THE SECOND TIME. I connived every way imaginable, and would have stooped to any dishonest level necessary, to place my hands on my scorned enemy. My derision obvious, as displayed in my snapping at small annoyances, and the subtle ways I put other boys down in unflattering means without caring if those actions made me look petty. I felt like a victim and expressed my emotions. I deeply resented the fact I could not abscond with that heinous abomination. It would have magically disappeared. However, the condemnable disparager was never left unattended.

The Nashville morning sky was overcast. To distinguish the exact borders of the individual dense grey clouds became a depressed impossibility. It would probably rain. I did not care. I had been soaked before. My target was the packed parking lot of one of the world's largest retail box stores. This one sat at 5824 Nolensville Pike. Everybody's been to one, probably more times than some would care to admit to.

Locally referred to as the New South citadel, Nolensville Pike now houses a variety of used car dealerships, immigrant entrepreneurs, and is Nashville's international corridor. Among the sites found there are Kurdish bakers, Mexican restaurants that feature empanadas stuffed with Tennessee fruits, and produce grown by Burmese, Rwandan, and Bhutan agricultural workers.

Allow me to ask this one question that only contains three little letters...w-h-y? I mean, all-in-all Walmarts are the same wherever one goes. Nothing more than a giant nightmare with wall-to-wall overzealous shoppers specializing in pushing and shoving their way around the inside. Ever been Black Friday shopping on a Thanksgiving night? Says all that needs to be stated. No wolf tickets need to be sold.

"That's mine!" "Get out of my way!" You've heard these derogatory, snide, attitudes and more while at Walmart no doubt.

The outside of Wally World is no better. Don't you just hate it when unattended carts litter the parking lot, bang into, scratch, and ding your vehicle after you depart your car? As I strolled through the stalls, and pedestrian tripping hazards known as wheelstops, that morning it wasn't hard to spot several of these occurrences. It warmed my heart to watch those black wheels roll, and it did not require much inertia to start the energy in motion.

Unaffected by the factors mentioned above, many people fancy obtaining wonderful deals on all kinds of merchandise inside the store. If Walmart is so amazingly incredulous why do they wind up paying the very same prices for most items they could purchase elsewhere? Yes, my opinion of Walmart was not real positive back in the day as one could easily surmise. Confidentially, all these years later my inclination has remained the same.

Need an optometrist? Go to Walmart. Enjoy Nathan's hotdogs? Go to Walmart. Perhaps a Miracle Ear hearing aid is in order, or you desire to file taxes. Once again, you got it. Go to Walmart. All these concessions, and many others, conduct business inside any Walmart one cared to enter, and were discovered inside this particular Walmart.

I'd noticed them on previous Hermitage Hall-sponsored outings. Oh, and don't forget to complete all one's banking needs, as well as obtain necessary pharmaceuticals, while there too. When you stop and dwell on the microcosm that is Walmart it is actually mindblowing. Here is a newsflash. All these can be accomplished prior to interacting with the Walmart proper.

On that occasion, to me Walmart meant lots of patrons with cashola. I knew by turning on my little boy charms I would obtain the green from someone. The sufferer really did not matter. After all, who can say no to, and resist, sad puppy dog eyes and a polite manner, even if the persona they perceived of my personality was faked?

Under a systematic review, I monitored several prospects kibitzing random conversations in the parking lot as they placed their store-bought wares into their vehicles. My tactics included the number of bags they removed from their buggies, the condition of their cars, and how they were attired. No need wasting efforts on targets I deduced possessed nothing to offer.

There was a mid-twenties mother with twin terrorizors still riding in the cart. Their diapered behinds in the seat as she scurried to her Chevrolet Suburban. Beyond them, I spied an elderly woman. And, I do mean an antique. She must have pushed eighty for all she was worth. Probably as not to strain herself, she toted her clutch and one tiny plastic bag in the half-moon shape of a banana. Knee-highs rolled down, she wore plastic pink curlers under a scarf on her head and traipsed in meticulous careful steps. I considered the solicious granny for a fleeted second and decided this pond tendered better ducks. That's when I designated my bullseye.

(TO BE CONTINUED:)

In Chapter Twenty-Two, I get into a confrontation with a bearded stranger.