| Humor Non-Fiction posted December 30, 2022 |
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Christmas is a great time to reminisce
Never A Dull Moment
by T B Botts
Sometimes when I mention that I have seven children, people look at me like I've got a second nose growing out of my face. Others make comments like, "wow, you were sure busy" or something kind of silly like, "how'd that happen?"
Of course, unless they have been living under a rock, they should have a pretty good idea of how that happened; lust, plain and simple. Actually, we never planned on having that many kids. When we moved to the farm we had two girls. The fact of the matter is, there was no TV or even radio on the farm. Good books were scarce, with the exception of the Good Book. Lots of those around. Anyway, with so much time on our hands and little access to birth control, nature took its course and we ended up with seven kids. Five girls and two boys; twins.
After ten years on the farm, we moved to town and bought a house. Houses in Hoonah were few and far between, but we lucked out and got one that, though older, had been recently remodeled. Unfortunately, there was still only one bathroom, which was quite a challenge. Nine people sharing one bathroom caused more than a few problems. As the kids grew up, the need for another bathroom was increasingly evident. We eventually remodeled and put in a second one, which relieved a lot of problems. As the kids grew up and left, the congestion problem got better and better. Eventually we had only the three youngest kids at home, my youngest daughter Autumn, and Ben and Brian, the twins. They stayed in two separate rooms upstairs and had to share the bathroom.
One night Autumn came home and went upstairs to get ready for bed. Both boys were in the bathroom at the sink. They quickly shut the door as she got to the top of the steps. She could hear them in there scuffling and arguing and eventually laughing. Frustrated, she pounded on the door.
"Let me in guys. I want to go to bed and I need to use the bathroom and brush my teeth."
After a minute or two passed, the door opened and Brian quickly put his baseball cap on his head. Knowing her brothers as she did, she knew they were up to something and inquired as to what they were doing.
Ben fessed up." I shaved Brian's head."
"Why?"
"Because he wanted me to."
For some reason that seemed to justify his actions.
Strewn all around the sink Autumn could see my old blue disposable razors. She shook her head and said, "Let me see."
At first Brian was reluctant to take off his hat. When he did Autumn burst out laughing. There were tufts of hair dotting his entire head and the spots that were shaved were as white as paper. It was obvious that Ben had no idea what he was doing. Brian's head was covered in small cuts. He looked ridiculous. Eventually they continued with the experiment and got all the hair shaved off, which in itself was quite a feat, since none of the razors were new.
"You better put something on that," she said. "It might get infected otherwise."
Heeding their sister's advice, Brian bent over the bathtub while Ben grabbed the hydrogen peroxide. He poured it liberally over the lacerated head. Of course his whole head immediately started foaming like bathtub cleaner. The sound was like a hundred Alka-Seltzer tablets being dropped into water at once. Brian screamed and punched Ben, Autumn started laughing hysterically, and Ben started worrying about how they would hide their midnight escapade from us.
I'm happy to report that Brian suffered no ill effects from his ill planned adventure, aside from the humiliation of looking utterly stupid in front of his classmates. Of course that wasn't the last stupid thing that the boys ever did, but it was memorable and whenever the family gets together, it usually is rehashed with a great deal of laughter. Try having this much fun with a small family.
Sometimes when I mention that I have seven children, people look at me like I've got a second nose growing out of my face. Others make comments like, "wow, you were sure busy" or something kind of silly like, "how'd that happen?"
Of course, unless they have been living under a rock, they should have a pretty good idea of how that happened; lust, plain and simple. Actually, we never planned on having that many kids. When we moved to the farm we had two girls. The fact of the matter is, there was no TV or even radio on the farm. Good books were scarce, with the exception of the Good Book. Lots of those around. Anyway, with so much time on our hands and little access to birth control, nature took its course and we ended up with seven kids. Five girls and two boys; twins.
After ten years on the farm, we moved to town and bought a house. Houses in Hoonah were few and far between, but we lucked out and got one that, though older, had been recently remodeled. Unfortunately, there was still only one bathroom, which was quite a challenge. Nine people sharing one bathroom caused more than a few problems. As the kids grew up, the need for another bathroom was increasingly evident. We eventually remodeled and put in a second one, which relieved a lot of problems. As the kids grew up and left, the congestion problem got better and better. Eventually we had only the three youngest kids at home, my youngest daughter Autumn, and Ben and Brian, the twins. They stayed in two separate rooms upstairs and had to share the bathroom.
One night Autumn came home and went upstairs to get ready for bed. Both boys were in the bathroom at the sink. They quickly shut the door as she got to the top of the steps. She could hear them in there scuffling and arguing and eventually laughing. Frustrated, she pounded on the door.
"Let me in guys. I want to go to bed and I need to use the bathroom and brush my teeth."
After a minute or two passed, the door opened and Brian quickly put his baseball cap on his head. Knowing her brothers as she did, she knew they were up to something and inquired as to what they were doing.
Ben fessed up." I shaved Brian's head."
"Why?"
"Because he wanted me to."
For some reason that seemed to justify his actions.
Strewn all around the sink Autumn could see my old blue disposable razors. She shook her head and said, "Let me see."
At first Brian was reluctant to take off his hat. When he did Autumn burst out laughing. There were tufts of hair dotting his entire head and the spots that were shaved were as white as paper. It was obvious that Ben had no idea what he was doing. Brian's head was covered in small cuts. He looked ridiculous. Eventually they continued with the experiment and got all the hair shaved off, which in itself was quite a feat, since none of the razors were new.
"You better put something on that," she said. "It might get infected otherwise."
Heeding their sister's advice, Brian bent over the bathtub while Ben grabbed the hydrogen peroxide. He poured it liberally over the lacerated head. Of course his whole head immediately started foaming like bathtub cleaner. The sound was like a hundred Alka-Seltzer tablets being dropped into water at once. Brian screamed and punched Ben, Autumn started laughing hysterically, and Ben started worrying about how they would hide their midnight escapade from us.
I'm happy to report that Brian suffered no ill effects from his ill planned adventure, aside from the humiliation of looking utterly stupid in front of his classmates. Of course that wasn't the last stupid thing that the boys ever did, but it was memorable and whenever the family gets together, it usually is rehashed with a great deal of laughter. Try having this much fun with a small family.
Strewn all around the sink Autumn could see my old blue disposable razors. She shook her head and said, "Let me see."
At first Brian was reluctant to take off his hat. When he did Autumn burst out laughing. There were tufts of hair dotting his entire head and the spots that were shaved were as white as paper. It was obvious that Ben had no idea what he was doing. Brian's head was covered in small cuts. He looked ridiculous. Eventually they continued with the experiment and got all the hair shaved off, which in itself was quite a feat, since none of the razors were new.
"You better put something on that," she said. "It might get infected otherwise."
Heeding their sister's advice, Brian bent over the bathtub while Ben grabbed the hydrogen peroxide. He poured it liberally over the lacerated head. Of course his whole head immediately started foaming like bathtub cleaner. The sound was like a hundred Alka-Seltzer tablets being dropped into water at once. Brian screamed and punched Ben, Autumn started laughing hysterically, and Ben started worrying about how they would hide their midnight escapade from us.
I'm happy to report that Brian suffered no ill effects from his ill planned adventure, aside from the humiliation of looking utterly stupid in front of his classmates. Of course that wasn't the last stupid thing that the boys ever did, but it was memorable and whenever the family gets together, it usually is rehashed with a great deal of laughter. Try having this much fun with a small family.
 Recognized |
#57 December 2022 |
Christmas is a great time for the family to get together. Whenever we do, stories from the past come to life once again. More often than not they are humorous.
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